applesnail
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- Apr 2, 2015
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Hi everyone,
I've just found this forum after scouring the internet trying to find others who have done what my partner and I are considering doing... no luck. But I am hoping I can get some constructive feedback here.
BRIEF background, as I haven't introduced myself yet: I am in a same-sex marriage, wife and I are going through fertility tests and preparing to try to conceive. I will attempt to carry, hopefully through IUI. We always assumed we would go through a sperm bank for anonymous donor sperm.
Out of the blue recently, my wife's father offered us his sperm. He mentioned it only once, not wanting to be awkward, and left the ball in our court. He, my wife and I are the only ones who know he has made this offer.
My first thought was "oh my god I'm going to pass out because this is a huge piece of information to digest". My second thought was "what an amazingly generous offering". After those two thoughts my mind has been running wild... I can't sleep or concentrate on work... I was not expecting this kind of option.
I have primary concerns around social stigma. Would others refuse to see him as the sperm donor and the grandfather, as two separate entities? Would people mock our child for having a grandfather who is also a father? Or a mother who is also a half-sister?
I personally don't like to use the term "biological father" when referring to donor, known or unknown. "Father" will always imply a parenting role in my mind. And there would be no parenting role in this case.
Surprisingly, I have no fears that he would try to take on parenting roles or that he would treat the child as his own. I know him to be a no-strings-attached, generous person. And IF we went down this road, we would get a lawyer involved.
We also have not brought this idea to the rest of the family yet. I think that if they react without support, it would be a deal breaker. I would not want my child to be associated with a rift or discomfort in the family. One particular family concern is that my wife's father has a girlfriend whom we all find a little unstable. My wife's mother has passed away.
I really just want to know what other people think about this option. Please be honest.
Thank you!
I've just found this forum after scouring the internet trying to find others who have done what my partner and I are considering doing... no luck. But I am hoping I can get some constructive feedback here.
BRIEF background, as I haven't introduced myself yet: I am in a same-sex marriage, wife and I are going through fertility tests and preparing to try to conceive. I will attempt to carry, hopefully through IUI. We always assumed we would go through a sperm bank for anonymous donor sperm.
Out of the blue recently, my wife's father offered us his sperm. He mentioned it only once, not wanting to be awkward, and left the ball in our court. He, my wife and I are the only ones who know he has made this offer.
My first thought was "oh my god I'm going to pass out because this is a huge piece of information to digest". My second thought was "what an amazingly generous offering". After those two thoughts my mind has been running wild... I can't sleep or concentrate on work... I was not expecting this kind of option.
I have primary concerns around social stigma. Would others refuse to see him as the sperm donor and the grandfather, as two separate entities? Would people mock our child for having a grandfather who is also a father? Or a mother who is also a half-sister?
I personally don't like to use the term "biological father" when referring to donor, known or unknown. "Father" will always imply a parenting role in my mind. And there would be no parenting role in this case.
Surprisingly, I have no fears that he would try to take on parenting roles or that he would treat the child as his own. I know him to be a no-strings-attached, generous person. And IF we went down this road, we would get a lawyer involved.
We also have not brought this idea to the rest of the family yet. I think that if they react without support, it would be a deal breaker. I would not want my child to be associated with a rift or discomfort in the family. One particular family concern is that my wife's father has a girlfriend whom we all find a little unstable. My wife's mother has passed away.
I really just want to know what other people think about this option. Please be honest.
Thank you!