Large Age Gap/Starting Over with a Baby

[ciarhwyfar]

I thought some of us might find it helpful to talk to others who have gone/are going through this. We may be able to help each other with unique situations.

A little background for me: I have a 19 year age gap between my first two daughters.

I admit, when the first one got to be over 8-10 years old, I figured that was going to be it for me. Then nearly five and a half years ago I met my OH and things just really clicked between us from that moment. Even though he is seven years younger and at the time lived on the other side of the United States (not to mention a few other complications), we were close with each other and happy. My older daughter was graduating from high school and moving out on her own for college and was encouraging me to go ahead and move. She also wanted a baby brother.

I guess a certain amount of it was meant to be as I was only here six weeks and two days before I conceived our little darling. Not having any friends/family with small children around here and feeling that the toddler needs more interaction with her age group, we decided on having another. I am fully expecting (and planning as best as one can) that this current one will be our last. I told my oldest that if it is another sister, she is on her own for wanting a boy in the family.

That is our story in a (largish) nutshell. Where are you coming from?

 

[MrsG-L]

I am nearly in the same situ as you.

My eldest is 15 and current youngest 11, I didn't expect another relationship after I split with their father 10 years ago. I met my amazing hubby 5 years ago n December and live 7 hours travel apart so things moved very quickly (met Dec 06, moved in oct 07, Married Dec 08, moved house Nov 09) hubby is 27 and I am 35.

We started trying for a baby in November 2009, once we had moved and had enough room, although we didn't ever expect to fall as I am a 'larger lady' but in October I had awful pains in my pelvis and the doctor confirmed I was 6 weeks pregnant and was suffering with SPD!

Our precious bundle is due in 4 weeks and we will have 3 daughters to spoil!

 

[Wind]

My son is 13 and my daughter is 8. I divorced my abusive husband and thought I was finished having children.

A little over a year ago I married my current husband and now we are expecting twins. It's a little scary, but we'll make it through. My son and daughter are beyond excited. They can't wait for the babies to arrive.

 

[craftymum]

I have an 18 year old daughter and a 19 month old son, I also divorced an abusive husband and thought that's me done, but I met my now hubby almost 9 years ago, married him 7 years ago in July and the rest is history! My son and daughter adore each other

 

[reedsgirl1138]

Hey ladies...I have a 16,15,8 and a 2month old! Its great. I divorced from my older kid;s dad in 06 and met a great man in 07 married him in 08, he had none of his own so we eat out on the adventure of getting my tubes reversed so we could have together. Many of my friends thought I was crazy since my other kids are so independent but its amazing to watch them with their baby brother and I have lots of help...I am even thinking of trying for one more. LOL

 

[bigmomma74]

Hi. I have a 17 year old, 14, 10 and my youngest is 8 and a half. I thought that was a massive gap and was quite scared about starting over but seems I'm not the only one!
Any tips would be great!!!

 

[Garnet]

I have 24, 22, and 6, and 3 year old. The older children are out on their own and like to visit the little ones...

 

[CrazyforYou]

I have an 18, a 16, and a 14 year old from my first marriage.

Just started TTC with my partner of 3.5 years.

Scared!! Lol! xx

 

[mafiamom]

this isnt me, but my mom did this. and way back in the early 70's lol! i have three sisters and when i was born my sisters were 22, 20 and 17 . she had me at 40.

my mom is now 81 and i am having my second baby at 40. having me at an older age she SWEARS has kept her young and spry! she can still hand mow the lawn and make a delicious dinner for 20 having a child later in life kept menopause at bay - she didnt go thru menopause until early 60's. she also said she was soooo much more laid back with me and enjoyed me so much more then her first three..

something to be said for us old lady moms LOL!

 

[Missy]

I have a 22 year old, followed by a 23 month old and now expecting my 3rd. Definitely much more laid back and confident with the little one than I was as a young mum with my first. Reckon this will be it for me though!

 

[chattyB]

I have a 16, 11 and 8 year old and am TTC with hubby of 2yrs. I'm 35 and looking forwards to doing it all again!

 

[ciarhwyfar]

I wish my older daughter lived closer as she adores her little sister and is always a big help when she comes to visit. I also want her to finish school and know she needs to make her own way in the world.

Can't stop me from wanting her to make her own way on this side of the country.

 

[mum2be38]

My kids are nearly 11 and 9, and I'm due in December - I had always wanted more than two, but after two difficult pregnancies and a difficult divorce (kids were 1 and 3 at the time) I thought that was my lot..... then along came my lovely husband 5 years ago, married last summer and decided one more wouldn't hurt (if you ignore labour pains!!!).... I definitely feel more in control this time, and am not going into this pregnancy with rose-tinted glasses on - I know I will have difficulties (HELLP sydrome in 1st pregnancy and pre-eclampsia in 2nd), but together DH and I will get through it I see my age and confidence as a positive thing!!!!

 

[seoj]

So, this is MY first baby... but my hubby and I have his daughter full time... so we do have an older kid already. She is about to turn 14 and so great!!! Gonna be interesting having a High Schooler and a baby in the house at once! lol. But, I think it's gonna be pretty wonderful.

We are all super excited and it's SO cute to see how happy my hubby is to have another little girl. He LOVES it! lol. Plus it feels good to give our oldest child a sibling after all this time being an only child. She's pretty excited too. I'm sure it will be a bit tough at first for her adjusting to "sharing the spotlight" - lol- but it would be that way with any first born. She'll be a great help as well since she loves babies!!! She offers to watch my Besties 1yr old all the time! lol. And it's so cute how good she is with her.

What a nice thread- thanks for posting!!!!

 

[mumoffive]

this isnt me, but my mom did this. and way back in the early 70's lol! i have three sisters and when i was born my sisters were 22, 20 and 17 . she had me at 40.

my mom is now 81 and i am having my second baby at 40. having me at an older age she SWEARS has kept her young and spry! she can still hand mow the lawn and make a delicious dinner for 20 having a child later in life kept menopause at bay - she didnt go thru menopause until early 60's. she also said she was soooo much more laid back with me and enjoyed me so much more then her first three..

something to be said for us old lady moms LOL!

Its lovely to hear it from the other side. thanks for that. I often worry about the gap and my age aswell!
I have 24 year old twins, a nearly 22 year old, a 4 year old girl, a three year old boy and a baby girl who is just 9 days old. My older ds are all away from home now. I am 43. I have enjoyed having my children so much better this time round also. I count myself as so lucky to have had two chances of having a family in my life...my first generation and my second generation! ..and all with my dh who i have been married to for 25years!

 

[bbforme]

I have an 8yr old daughter and expecting baby #2. I will be 37 and DH 39.

 

[maybethisit]

My two are from first marriage and are 15 and 17 (will be 16 and 18 by the time the baby is a month old). Their dad died a few years ago. This is my second marriage and OH has no kids of his own - we didn't think we'd want any but changed our minds after being married a couple of years and then ttc for a year before this little bean came along - we are so incredibly happy and excited, and the kids are really excited too.

Apart from the fact that I seem to have basically given up sleeping for good, now, this pregnancy has gone really well, feels easier at 40 than at 22/24 - so far anyway. I am a tiny bit sad that the age gap is so big as I don't think we are likely to have another one now, and don't want the baby to feel like an only child - but I think he/she will get pretty spoiled by older brother & sister and extended family/friends network so hopefully the reality won't feel like that. And I suppose we might end up having another one - who knows - but I don't know if I feel like we would cope with two close together, and bein' as how I will be 41 in September, close together would likely be the only option there...

 

[chysantheMUM]

I have a 23 year son and said over the years that one was enough for me and that I had no intention of having anymore. 6 years ago I met my OH and we both agreed that we didn't want kids because I'd been there done that and he wasn't interested. But about 3 years ago, I started to get a bit broody and when we discussed it, it turned out he'd been feeling the same. Its a bit weird, starting all over again, after all this time, but kinda exciting too

 

[okmomma]

My husband and I have an 8 year old son. I will be 36 and DH 39 when this baby is born. I know it is a large age gap and we are worried how our son will react when we tell him. I am 10 weeks so we will be telling him soon. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[ciarhwyfar]

My husband and I have an 8 year old son. I will be 36 and DH 39 when this baby is born. I know it is a large age gap and we are worried how our son will react when we tell him. I am 10 weeks so we will be telling him soon. Any advice would be appreciated.

It depends on when and how you are going to tell your son. 8 (in my book though I don't know your son) is old enough to be open and honest with about the situation. He is old enough to understand time so you can give him your due date so he can see how long it is going to be.

If you are telling him before your 12 week scan, you can ask if he would like to go with you. Listen carefully to any questions he might have so you can be sure to only answer what he is asking you. Let him guide you on how much or how little he wants to know.

Involve him on any decision making processes that you can, like asking him what he thinks of some names you might be looking at, etc. See if he would like to shop with you to pick things out when you are ready. If he seems interested enough, when you get further along, many places have sibling classes you may want to look into.

Sorry, that might have been a bit much but just off the top of my head.