Large Age Gap/Starting Over with a Baby

[okmomma]

Thanks for the info. That is kind of what we were thinking too. He is very caring, so once the initial shock wears off, he will be great. Whenever you ask him if he wants a little brother or sister he says no. But when we are around babies, he always plays with them and has fun. We have to tell him soon, because I can't hide my belly much longer, especially since the pool is now open.

 

[Rubys mammy]

Jack is 17, Matt is 10 we never thought in a million years that we would have Ruby who is now 5 months, the boys adore her and she them, she has been a godsend to us all x

 

[xxembobxx]

I have two girls of 17 and 16 with my ex-husband and an 11 year old girl with my partner.
I also have a (nearly) 1 yr old boy with my partner.

It was a bit of a shock although we had been trying but after a MC and then nothing we assumed time was up for us - and that's when I fell pregnant!
I am pregnant again which is going to be our last one but we did want another one as our 11 year old was pretty much an only child due to the age gap.

All the girls were great about their baby brother although we're not sure how they will take the news of yet another one.

 

[TiggerToo]

This isn't me either, but I live it: my mother was pregnant at my oldest brother's high school graduation, I have another brother eighteen months younger than him, and a sister ten years older than me (sounds like a logic puzzle: "if TiggerToo's sister is 6 years younger than her youngest brother, and their dog is 115 in human years...." hahahahaha) - and I'll be 38 tomorrow!

Same parents, same 52 year marriage. If my dad were living he'd be 81. My mother is 76.

People with siblings who are closer to them in age than my DH and I are - to me - well, that's just too weird. DH is only three years and three months to the day older than I.

I was an aunt at three (on my birthday), an aunt three times over by the time I was eight, and a great-aunt at 27. Then I was an aunt again at 26 and 27! (Again, no divorces, all the same marriages!) My sister had her kids at 36 and 38.

It IS a bit odd that I have two nephews with children - one of whom is the same age as my sister's youngest (10)....

 

[future_numan]

I have four daughters 21, 20, 18 & 15 months.. people thought I was crazy to want to start again when my girls were almost grown..
I have never regretting starting again..infact we want to have another !!

 

[reneny1]

Just got back from vacation and I love that this thread was started here... I told my story once but I will try to recap... (I tend to be a bit "wordy")

I have 2 children from my first marriage and they are now grown (19 and 22 years old).

I had never considered having more kids until I unexpectedly had a miscarriage in January 2010. I did not realize I was pregnant really at the time. After the miscarriage, I had time to reflect on things and thought it might be nice to start over! My friends thought I was bonkers!

My partner is almost 42 and has been single without children all his life. He always wanted a child but never could find the right girl. (Here I am! lol!) I am 41 and terrified! We are both very cautiously excited, though.

My 19 year old daughter is very excited and happy for me. My 22 year old son... not so much. But I'm working on that...

 

[Bambers]

It's great to see all you baby gap mummies on the board. x x

My son is 20...and I am just expecting my second lol. I never really want anymore until I got to about 35 (4 years ago) and started getting really broody. My DP of ten years hasn't had any children and is so excited but a bit apprehensive.
I am really enjoying pregnancy this time around, when I was 19 it was a pain in the bottom not being able to go clubbing, feeling broke and I hated looking like the size of a house - now I am incredibly chilled, calmer and patient, financially stable and I actually have lower blood pressure than first time around. The only negative is the amount of heartburn I have had with this bubs...she is killing me lol. x x x

 

[Bambers]

Just got back from vacation and I love that this thread was started here... I told my story once but I will try to recap... (I tend to be a bit "wordy")

I have 2 children from my first marriage and they are now grown (19 and 22 years old).

I had never considered having more kids until I unexpectedly had a miscarriage in January 2010. I did not realize I was pregnant really at the time. After the miscarriage, I had time to reflect on things and thought it might be nice to start over! My friends thought I was bonkers!

My partner is almost 42 and has been single without children all his life. He always wanted a child but never could find the right girl. (Here I am! lol!) I am 41 and terrified! We are both very cautiously excited, though.

My 19 year old daughter is very excited and happy for me. My 22 year old son... not so much. But I'm working on that...

My son wasn't thrilled at first - Do people really still have sex after the age of 35? Was his first sarcastic reply and then he said...You will love me a bit more though won't you, seeing as I am your first born.
I think the negativity was an insecurity reaction but over the past few months he has noticed I haven't changed a bit and still treat him with love, affection and respect and he has started to look forward to meeting his little sis. x x

 

[tracy143]

I have two wonderful sons by my first marriage; they are 16 and 13. I divorced their dad in 2003 and met my current husband in 2005. We got married in 2009 and seeing as how I have always longed for a daughter, we thought we would work on a little miracle of our own. He is 40 and does not have any children of his own (yet! ). He is very excited about this pregnancy. My big concern right now is when to tell my boys. My 13 year old wants to go live with his dad this school year. It breaks my heart but I know I can't stop him. If he knew I was pregnant, he would stay with me in a heartbeat because he has said he wanted a baby sister for years now. I am worried that if I tell him I am pregnant, I am taking the decision away from him and that I am "bribing' him into staying. However, if I don't tell him and he moves in with his dad (3 hours away) he will want to come back home (and I told him that if he decides to move out he will have to stay the whole school year). The baby is due in February.

I can't get advice from my mom because I haven't told her I am pregnant yet. I am trying to wait until my mom and sister come up to visit me next week (from NC). The boys are with their dad now for the summer but I am getting my 13 year old back next week for soccer camp. I struggle with the decision to tell him then, when it's just the two of us. Any advice?

 

[ciarhwyfar]

I have two wonderful sons by my first marriage; they are 16 and 13. I divorced their dad in 2003 and met my current husband in 2005. We got married in 2009 and seeing as how I have always longed for a daughter, we thought we would work on a little miracle of our own. He is 40 and does not have any children of his own (yet! ). He is very excited about this pregnancy. My big concern right now is when to tell my boys. My 13 year old wants to go live with his dad this school year. It breaks my heart but I know I can't stop him. If he knew I was pregnant, he would stay with me in a heartbeat because he has said he wanted a baby sister for years now. I am worried that if I tell him I am pregnant, I am taking the decision away from him and that I am "bribing' him into staying. However, if I don't tell him and he moves in with his dad (3 hours away) he will want to come back home (and I told him that if he decides to move out he will have to stay the whole school year). The baby is due in February.

I can't get advice from my mom because I haven't told her I am pregnant yet. I am trying to wait until my mom and sister come up to visit me next week (from NC). The boys are with their dad now for the summer but I am getting my 13 year old back next week for soccer camp. I struggle with the decision to tell him then, when it's just the two of us. Any advice?

Are you on good terms with your ex? Perhaps it would help if you asked him for his opinion if you are. Let him know that you are wanting the 13 year old to make his own decisions but aren't sure if you should include the information that you are expecting before he does. It is a tough one and you are doing your best to be fair. Good luck.

 

[tracy143]

Ciar, thank you for the advice. My ex and I are relatively on good terms but when he finds out I am pregnant, he will take me to court and reduce my child support if my 13 year old goes to live with him. He has already told me that he doesn't want to pay the full amount if my DS leaves. And, just to clarify, he pays about $300 less than what he should for 2 children. It's a mess.. I just want to be happy I am pregnant.

 

[Mauser]

I have 3 children from my first marriage- 10, 12, and 14. My partner has two adult children- ages 25 and 27. We did have one son together 2.5 years ago but he passed away at birth due to prematurity. So here we are, 40 and 52, unexpectedly pregnant again.

 

[chrissie95]

Wow - it is so great to read everyone's stories!! I have twin boys who just turned 11. I had a lot of trouble conceiving with them. I ended up doing IVF, luckily it took on the first try,and we had our beautiful boys. We were thrilled that we had a family, and agreed we were "done"!! Birth control was never really a factor in our marriage, because I couldn't get pregnant. OR so I thought!! Last fall, I found out I was pregnant - we were SHOCKED!! We just celebrated 15 years of marriage, and our kids had just turned 10. I couldn't believe it, and had mixed emotions, but after a short while, I got excited. We were about 10 weeks along and decided to tell our kids. They were thrilled! Unfortunately, two weeks later I miscarried. It was heartbreaking, especially for my boys. I ended up feeling confused as to why this would happen to begin with. But three months after my miscarriage, I became pregnant again!! I am not 20 weeks pregnant with our third son!! It is thrilling. I am 38 years old, and DH is 39. We will be older this time, but more relaxed, I think. And I am so looking forward to watching my older boys interact with the new one. I thank all of you for sharing on this forum. I am new to it, but love hearing everyone's thoughts and feelings

 

[no1seasider]

What a fab thread! I have 4 sons aged 17,13,10 and 8 (18,14,11 and 8 when baby arrives!).We thought our baby days were well and truly over but found out in march we were expecting again! After the initial shock we are both happy about it

The kids are all excited too!I am 36 and OH is 38!

 

[JanetPlanet]

Sorry, I can get a bit wordy.

I’m 43. My son is 22. Of course he doesn’t know about the pregnancy yet – we’re having some problems (very low betas). My son loves babies, so that’s a good start. We have an incredibly strong bond and, amongst other reasons, I never really felt the need to have more children.

My current husband and I have been together about 10 years, married for 8. He told me straight away he wanted at least one child. I knew that because he’s adopted, he felt like he wanted at least one person in his life who was related to him by blood. I told him that I probably didn’t want to have anymore kids. I’m not great at most things, but I am a wonderful mom, and I felt like I put everything I had into raising a wonderful kid and I felt like I was finally close to having some freedom. And then…

I waited until I was about 40 (dumb move) to start reluctantly trying, because I literally thought I would get pregnant instantly. It took 2.5 years, and the more it didn’t happen, the more I wanted it. Also during that time my son graduated high school and became even more independent, and I realized I missed mothering.

My mom only has my sister and me, but my dad has 5 kids with 4 different women. We’re all spaced about 43 years apart. If it were my mom that had all the kids I would be close with all my siblings, but because they are my dad’s I don’t really know my youngest siblings. It is usually the mom who brings family together, isn’t it?

 

[Mauser]

Sorry, I can get a bit wordy.

I’m 43. My son is 22. Of course he doesn’t know about the pregnancy yet – we’re having some problems (very low betas). My son loves babies, so that’s a good start. We have an incredibly strong bond and, amongst other reasons, I never really felt the need to have more children.

My current husband and I have been together about 10 years, married for 8. He told me straight away he wanted at least one child. I knew that because he’s adopted, he felt like he wanted at least one person in his life who was related to him by blood. I told him that I probably didn’t want to have anymore kids. I’m not great at most things, but I am a wonderful mom, and I felt like I put everything I had into raising a wonderful kid and I felt like I was finally close to having some freedom. And then…

I waited until I was about 40 (dumb move) to start reluctantly trying, because I literally thought I would get pregnant instantly. It took 2.5 years, and the more it didn’t happen, the more I wanted it. Also during that time my son graduated high school and became even more independent, and I realized I missed mothering.

My mom only has my sister and me, but my dad has 5 kids with 4 different women. We’re all spaced about 43 years apart. If it were my mom that had all the kids I would be close with all my siblings, but because they are my dad’s I don’t really know my youngest siblings. It is usually the mom who brings family together, isn’t it?

Best of luck to you! BTW I love your screen name. One of my nicknames growing up was Interplanet Janet (Along with "Dammit, Janet"- thank you, Rocky Horror). My name IRL is Jan, not Janet- but it stuck.

 

[JanetPlanet]

Thanks Mauser, best of luck to you too and to everyone else as well!

I hear you Jan, my name was "Damnit Janet!" most of my childhood. lol

 

[Jellybean0k]

I'm 41, OH is 44 and my daughter will be 16 in September. She is absolutely thrilled that she will no longer be an only child.

OH and I married in 2007 but were trying for the longest time for a LO, but decided last year I didn't want to be having babies into my 40's and so after a spate of illnesses last year, and when I suddenly realised in October that my period could be late, I just put it down to possible menopause, but in December, a little niggle in the back of my mind told me to take the test, just in case, and voila - there is was, the lil blue line we'd been waiting soooo long for

Better late than never eh - however, tubes will be getting tied at the same time I have my c section, this pregnancy has been really tough - and I was planning on getting sterilised this year anyway

 

[KellyC75]

:wave: Hello Girls

My children are 18 years, 8 years & 7 months old ~

I am due another LO in February, so this is my 1st experience of a small age gap!!

 

[Shazza1973]

Im in the same situation have a lil girl who will be two weeks before her 13th birthday when her lil brother is born.

Am quite worried about the age gap, but will wait and see.

Very exctiing, but has any one else noticed how things have changed in the time ..... i didnt have house visits when I had my daughter.

Ive also been sent today for a test due to having itching and pins and needles in my hands, called something like caulytesis (lol no quite sure), bit nervous about the results but have to ring in two days to have them. . Not even sure what it actually is if anyone has any ideas.