Large Age Gap/Starting Over with a Baby

[ArmyWife215]

This is my 1st post and I am happy to in your group

I have a 13 year old son from 1st marriage (my son has 2 toddler brothers from his dad's new marriage) and 8 weeks pregnant- happy and scared at the same time. Im 35 Newly married . I stalked these boards while trying to conceive over the past year...male factor infertility and didn't think it was ever gonna happen but low and behold, while he was home on leave for 3 weeks (he is active duty military) I was ovulating as soon as he arrived. Right before we parted I took a test= POSITIVE!!!!
OMG, i cant believe it. We didn't really think this through I suppose because we never really thought we could get pregnant. We'll now he is stationed away from home, and I may be like a single mom for some time. It is scary. We are wokring on ideas of how to make this work, but I cannot move to be with him, my 13yr old is just starting high school, has many friends and a dad who shares 50/50 custody. I would never pull my teen away from his dad and life here, he's a good kid and doing well. So im kinda of in limbo.... but happy to be with child. haven't told my son yet, he is gonna tease me &say "what were you thinking ma, you were almost free- i'll be in college in a few years ". I think it is safest to wait until 12 weeks, right?

 

[JanetPlanet]

Welcome ArmyWife215!

Wow, it must be a difficult position to be in, having your husband stationed away from home. I feel for you. High school years can be hard on a parent too, I can’t imagine it alone. My son, although wonderful now, was a monster during freshman and some of sophomore year.

I’ll be 8 weeks tomorrow, and we haven’t told anyone. We had an u/s yesterday and everything looked great, but because of my age and the initial horrible hCG numbers, we’re going to wait until after our prenatal screenings to tell people, especially my son. He’s 22 and is mature enough to handle it, but even so, I’m his mom and anything that hurts me will scare him. I want to avoid that, but the waiting is killing us!

Best of luck to you ArmyWife215!

 

[JJBump1]

this isnt me, but my mom did this. and way back in the early 70's lol! i have three sisters and when i was born my sisters were 22, 20 and 17 . she had me at 40.

my mom is now 81 and i am having my second baby at 40. having me at an older age she SWEARS has kept her young and spry! she can still hand mow the lawn and make a delicious dinner for 20 having a child later in life kept menopause at bay - she didnt go thru menopause until early 60's. she also said she was soooo much more laid back with me and enjoyed me so much more then her first three..

something to be said for us old lady moms LOL!

That's awesome! Here's hoping the same full and active life for all of us older moms!

I have to step-children: 27 and 24. They were shocked that we're expecting (so were we!) and we're hoping that our new addition will be warmly welcomed by them and that a lasting and close bond will be formed. Fingers (and toes) are crossed!

 

[3sACharm]

I have a 25 year old daughter (who has been TTC for the past year without success) and a 24 year old son. Neither of them are pleased....as this poses a serious health risk.

I did not think another pregnancy was possible....and really believed I was pre-menopausal. When the tests started coming in....I thought it was ovarian cancer. So this pregnancy is quite a shock....and I'm trying to trust in God's plan for this little miracle baby. Especially since I am single....and the father needs to stay out of the picture as he is trying to bully me.

Good luck to all!!!

 

[maybethisit]

wow 3sacharm, congratulations!

Our little bundle is now here and just to say that my 17 year old and 15 year old adore her, especially my daughter (17) who is besotted with her (and has always said she doesn't like babies). Having her has brought our whole family closer together

 

[chattyB]

I have a 16, 11 and 8yr old from a previous marriage and currently trying to conceive after my new husbands vasectomy reversal - he has 3 children aged 19, 16 and 13. We're praying that we're blessed with a baby together.

 

[xxembobxx]

maybethisit - congratulatons on your beautiful daughter.

My two teenage girls were a bit disgusted we were having another baby last year but they absolutely adore their brother.....it all has fallen into place so nicely.
Not sure how happy it will be when yet another baby is here - I'll probably be too stressed and rushed off my feet to worry about our happy family unit!

 

[question]

My husband has 3 children from a previous relationship aged 20, 21 and 22 and now we've been together for 10 yrs and we have 2 wonderful boys 8 and 9. Until recently I was undecided if I wanted anymore children. We decided not to since we werent in a situation that we were financially able to support anymore children. Now both of us have wonderful jobs and things are going great with us. We are finally able to have extra money to start buying better things and hopefully one day go on vacation with the children or maybe even just the 2 of us (which we havent been able to do yet). Well we were just surprised the other day as I found out that we are newly expecting. We are 36 and 40 yrs old and we are so confused. We dont know how to feel about this. We arent sure if we are wanting to start a family all over again. I know our 2 boys would be thrilled but they would have to sacerfice so much (as we wouldnt have the extra money to get them things or do things with them). We are also looking that the new one would just be starting school when our boys would be graduating (which we already went through with my husbands other children) and we would be in our 60s when the new one is out of the house. I feel we are being selfish but also Im not sure if Im ready for this.....I know this is a touchy subject for alot of ppl but if anyone has any advice for us it would be appreciated. thanks

 

[lovelife72]

My OH and I turned 39 a month ago. We just found out last Friday that we are expecting. We both have children from previous marriages. He has a 19yr old son and I have a 12yr old daughter. We haven't told anyone about the baby because my OH is really worried about miscarriage. He has been through it before (not with me) so its still sitting in the back of his mind. He just wants to make it through the first trimester and blood work to make sure everything is good. I am actually not as nervous as he is because I believe that if its meant to be everything will be ok.

 

[ciarhwyfar]

My husband has 3 children from a previous relationship aged 20, 21 and 22 and now we've been together for 10 yrs and we have 2 wonderful boys 8 and 9. Until recently I was undecided if I wanted anymore children. We decided not to since we werent in a situation that we were financially able to support anymore children. Now both of us have wonderful jobs and things are going great with us. We are finally able to have extra money to start buying better things and hopefully one day go on vacation with the children or maybe even just the 2 of us (which we havent been able to do yet). Well we were just surprised the other day as I found out that we are newly expecting. We are 36 and 40 yrs old and we are so confused. We dont know how to feel about this. We arent sure if we are wanting to start a family all over again. I know our 2 boys would be thrilled but they would have to sacerfice so much (as we wouldnt have the extra money to get them things or do things with them). We are also looking that the new one would just be starting school when our boys would be graduating (which we already went through with my husbands other children) and we would be in our 60s when the new one is out of the house. I feel we are being selfish but also Im not sure if Im ready for this.....I know this is a touchy subject for alot of ppl but if anyone has any advice for us it would be appreciated. thanks

You will have to figure out what is right for you. My oldest is 19 years older than my younger daughter. This one will be three years younger than that and I will turn 43 shortly after, unless the baby is more than four days later than due date. I know that I have a good chance of being in reasonable health for a long time by looking at my 91 year old grandparents and I just don't see age as stopping me since it never has before. When something is important, you find a way to do it. More stuff and expensive vacations aren't important me and my OH so that isn't a consideration for us. Some people really need the vacations for stress relief and such so their priorities are different.

May I suggest that you and your OH figure out what you want to do, what you would like to do, and what is the most important things for you both and your family. See how they work together and what it would take with all aspects considered. Try to take your time to figure it out so that you don't regret what ever decisions you may come to for your family. Good luck and I hope this helps.

 

[xxembobxx]

I feel we are being selfish but also Im not sure if Im ready for this.....I know this is a touchy subject for alot of ppl but if anyone has any advice for us it would be appreciated. thanks

I believe every pregnant woman has moments where they wonder if it's the right thing for them. Children change everything in your life so it's normal to be apprehensive.
I fell pregnant when my youngest was 11 years old and it was a shock. I also thought of that fact that I would be 50 before LO goes to high school but when I look around I'm not going to be the oldest mum, far from it.
It was upsetting for me giving up work as I loved my job and we were doing very nicely on 2 incomes, now any wage I earn would be spent on childcare so I prefer to be at home with LO.
I was also worried about how the other children would suffer and we can't spend like we used to but I believe if I asked any of the children would they swap their brother so they could have extra treats and days out and they would say no.
Priorities change and when I was working I did get into a mindset that I had to buy the kids happiness as I wasn't there as much. But tbh most kids are happy just spending time with their family (not that the teenagers would ever admit it!)
My fondest memories of childhood were roller skating with my parents and cheap camping trips NOT the expensive things they bought me.

 

[Mother Hen]

My husband has a sister that is 14 years younger than him and a little half-brother that is 24 years younger than him. His mother was 46 when she had his little brother. He's 14 now.

My MIL doesn't have any regrets. I'm sure none of you will either.

 

[ArmyWife215]

Welcome ArmyWife215!

Wow, it must be a difficult position to be in, having your husband stationed away from home. I feel for you. High school years can be hard on a parent too, I can’t imagine it alone. My son, although wonderful now, was a monster during freshman and some of sophomore year.

I’ll be 8 weeks tomorrow, and we haven’t told anyone. We had an u/s yesterday and everything looked great, but because of my age and the initial horrible hCG numbers, we’re going to wait until after our prenatal screenings to tell people, especially my son. He’s 22 and is mature enough to handle it, but even so, I’m his mom and anything that hurts me will scare him. I want to avoid that, but the waiting is killing us!

Best of luck to you ArmyWife215!

I just finally got back here. I saw your signature comment... IM VERY SORRY!!! our 1st scan is in 3 weeks and I too am scared. My prayers are with you and hope you are feeling OK. God works in mysterious ways and Im sure you are tired of hearing things like that. Keep your head up!!! God bless
with LOVE

 

[JanetPlanet]

Thanks for the kind words ArmyWife215.

I keep thinking I'm ok, but like yesterday I was flipping through my text messages and I saw a picture of the ultrasound screen. It was very upsetting.

I'm upset that I lost 2 months of time. That kind of sounds horrible, but I don't mean it to be ugly, I'm just so old to have 2 months of time taken from me, baby-making-wise.

Best of luck to you ArmyWife215 and everyone else! And I'm so sorry for your loss 3sACharm.

 

[Yuzu]

I'm 43 and I have a son who is 23 and a son who is 20 (he's autistic) by my first marriage. I got remarried 6 years ago and we have a surprise! 9 month old son. We would like very much to have one more. I'm actually in the 2ww
Nice to meet you all!

 

[mumof4sons]

I absolutely LOOOOVE being a mum again after so many years!! So much so that I am considering a 3rd pregnancy within a 3 year timeframe!!

My eldest is almost 17, I also have a 12 yo and now after marrying my awsome awsome husband 18 months ago - I now have a 10 month old and am currently 23 weeks pregnant again.

Being a mum again at this age (37) is the greatest experience ever - I am so much more focused and connected and love just to sit and play for hours with my baby. I think with my eldest 2, I was young (20 & 24) when they were born and my mind was too busy stressing about the situation I was in with their dad that I wasnt as fully present as a mum as I am now that I have a great husband and I have my priorities straight.

I was always a good mum but it just seems to make much more sense to be a mum at an older age. I know I wont make as many mistakes as I did with my little ones now as I did with their older siblings when I was a mum in my early 20's.

Kassandra

 

[Suzyq555]

I'm new to this forum and need your help ladies! Just found out I'm pregnant, a total shock. My baby is 8, oldest is 16 and 2 in between! The kids are not happy and I just feel numb and terrified to be honest. Wish we would've had the vasectomy now, my husband procrastinated! Any words of advice or encouragement would be very much appreciated!

 

[iceylou]

my son was 12 when nicole was born. im also the youngest in my family, im 38, sis 48, sis 50, sis 54, brother 56. my dad is 81 and my mum is 80 next feb. i had moments with nicole where i was laid back but then i would use the dreaded google button and freak myself out. i actually think i was way more laid back with my son, no interent helped alot. didnt know about regressions etc. he adores his little sis and she is completely obsessed with him. they are however completely the oppossite of each other, he was a slob and still is lol, she is high maintenance but as my dh says thats women for you

 

[angelwings72]

This is my first post so hi to all you mums.

I'm 39, Dh is 45 an we have 6 children 21, 19, 16, 15, 11 and 8 yrs old. Our 21 yr old has a 2 year old son and I am now 12 weeks pregnant which came as a HUGE shock as we thought we had done having babies after having 3 miscarriages 4 years ago.

 

[DeeM73]

I will be 38 when our 3rd baby is born,our other 2 kids are 12 and 13 It does feel like starting all over again but will be so worth it My husband has 4 older children from his 1st marriage.Did worry a lot about what they would think but now couldn't give a dam!!! xx