Leaving a 6 week old with grandparents overnight....

[ellismum]

Yet no one would blink an eyelid if they both have to return to work and LO is put in nursery 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Why is 12 hours overnight when LO is most likely to be sleeping with family so different?

OP, don't feel bad or in different. Lots of parents on here probably have the same arrangement or would love to but can't (like me!) but don't speak out about it because there is a sense of "well, you can't love your baby/you're a bad mum" (not on this thread I hasten to add but in the 4+ years I've been a member ive witnessed it)

That's not the same at all. Most people go back to work out of necessity. You're leaving your child at daycare because you need to make money to support them.

If someone made a thread about putting their child in daycare from 8:30-5:30 so they could go hang out with friends, I would be willing to bet money that the reaction would be much the same as the OP is getting now.

Anyway, I don't think having a 6 week old stay overnight at their grandparents' place is that unheard of. I've seen it posted a few times here. To me, every weekend does seem excessive. But it's not like she's signing a contract. OP, you could try it and see how it works. You can always decide not to continue doing it if you don't want to.

And for some the need to have "date night" or time with friends is necesity for their own relationship or sanity. Ultimately the end result is the same, child is away from the parent. And there have been threads where parents have been slammed for returning to work f/t or if their a SAHM for a break and put LO is nursery. Madness!

 

[ellismum]

I have to admit, I think some of you are being too hard on the OP. I like to think I'm a great mother, but I certainly grieved my old life and have at times resented my child. Obviously I adore her - and I hope you can see that from my activity on BnB - but I dont' think those feelngs are abnormal. Truthfully, I wish people would talk about it more and make it less taboo. It's a really hard transition from being "just you" to being a mother.

Oh defiantly!!! I've really struggled and recieved councelling last year as my Dr red flagged me (depression runs in my family, my Mum suffers severely) Even now I still get times where I wish I could turn the clock back 5 years or put my fantasy of picking up my passport and heading on the next plane out of here and dissappear forever. Its a bloody hard struggle, we have no immediate family who can help, I've only had 2 nights since Ellis was born where me and my OH have gone out as a couple and our relationship is strained.

 

[SaraEmily]

I guess I just have trouble relating, since the need to be away from LO is completely foreign to me. Not saying that makes me a better mom, we're just all different and need to do what's best for us.

 

[Noelle610]

I have to admit, I think some of you are being too hard on the OP. I like to think I'm a great mother, but I certainly grieved my old life and have at times resented my child. Obviously I adore her - and I hope you can see that from my activity on BnB - but I dont' think those feelngs are abnormal. Truthfully, I wish people would talk about it more and make it less taboo. It's a really hard transition from being "just you" to being a mother.

Oh defiantly!!! I've really struggled and recieved councelling last year as my Dr red flagged me (depression runs in my family, my Mum suffers severely) Even now I still get times where I wish I could turn the clock back 5 years or put my fantasy of picking up my passport and heading on the next plane out of here and dissappear forever. Its a bloody hard struggle, we have no immediate family who can help, I've only had 2 nights since Ellis was born where me and my OH have gone out as a couple and our relationship is strained.

For sure! I love, love, love my child, but I'd by lying if I said there weren't days when I wish DH and I could fly to Mexico and lay at the beach on a whim.

 

[Noelle610]

I guess I just have trouble relating, since the need to be away from LO is completely foreign to me. Not saying that makes me a better mom, we're just all different and need to do what's best for us.

I felt that way too, for a long time. I left Charlie twice with my DH for one night (less than 24 hours) during her first year and I found that so hard. But it has changed as she's gotten older. We just left her with someone else for the first time ever (FIL) for a night. My best friend got married recently and I was her maid of honor, so I felt we really needed to be there until the bitter end and it made sense to stay over. We had a fantastic time and Charlie had a great time (FIL is super fun). Now I'm dying to do it again!

 

[m_t_rose]

My kids stay at their grandparents every Saturday night and gues what I don't feel guilty at all. I am with them 6 days week from the time they get up until they go to bed. Usually they go over 15 or 20 minutes before bed then I get them back at church at 10:00 so I don't see them for only around 4 hours of awake time. That is way less time way from them then someone who works full or part time. I also think that my kids bonding with their grandparents is extremely important and I want them to have multiple people in their life who they are close with. Don't be made to feel bad for wanting a break being away from your baby for only a few awake hours is no big deal and I think it has made me a better mother

 

[tinytabby]

I can definitely relate to wishing I was as free as I was before I have a baby.

But I have a baby. I know she needs me and her routine. So I've never left her overnight and we have made lots of compromises to put her first in every aspect of our lives. I'm an old parent (36) and I've found it hard to adjust to this new life.

I've only been on 2 dates with oh in 11 months. Having a baby has impacted our relationship. But it's slowly getting better.

Everyone's different though. My lo's grandparents probably wouldn't be up to taking her all night (yet). If you want to leave yours overnight then go for it. 6 weeks seems a bit young to me though.

 

[kimberleyrobx]

Emily as a baby stayed with her grand parents once a week every week for a few months. Now she will happily leave OH and me to go to her grannies. She loves days out and doesn't care who she is with as long as she is with someone she knows. She'd move in with her grand parents if she could, there'd be no doubt about it! Rest assured, your LO will be in safe hands xx

 

[readytotry]

Why shouldn't the op go out and have fun if the baby is safe and happy being looked after by loving grandparents. I'm an old codger so can't imagine going out every week anymore, but seriously what harm is being done. The baby may well be asleep most of the time and as he/she gets older and more alert it'll be used to it anyway.

 

[bumpy_j]

Hmm - odd night off, sure! Personally, I wouldn't go out every weekend at that age or at the age LO is now because as some people have said, I feel like I would be missing out on his tiny years and regret it in hindsight. I doubt it will have any negative effect on your LO though.

 

[Rachel_C]

Personally I wouldn't do it, especially with such a very young baby, but maybe if it's going to be a regular thing anyway it could be better to get the baby used to it now. I'm not sure.

However, assuming your partner works week days, I would not have the grandparents take the baby for the whole weekend, or even one full day of the weekend. When would baby see daddy? Maybe in the evenings, depending on when baby sleeps, but after work isn't the best time to play, at least not for my OH after a long day working! Maybe a week night would be better, if the grandparents can do that? Grandparents could take baby from Weds afternoon till Thurs afternoon... mum and dad could go on a midweek date if they wanted or mum could just enjoy the house to herself and a lie in! Or grandparents could take baby on Friday afternoon/evening (depending on if they work) - good night for a 'date' and baby could come home after lunch on Saturday so parents get a nice lie in but baby still spends most of the weekend with dad. If we had to do that for some reason, I would try and work out something like that anyway.

ETA - Also, one thing I would make absolutely sure to do is not commit to anything, either side. Do it week by week so nobody assumes anything. It would be awful if mum and dad decided they didn't want to do it any more but grandma and grandad had their hearts set on it, or even if the grandparents found it too hard but didn't feel able to say anything.

 

[babyblog]

It's fine to leave your baby with loving grandparents when you want. Honestly, I dislike the idea that it's somehow not taking on full responsibility for your child, of course you are- you're arranging care with family members. Just because you're a parent you dont need to be tied to your baby 24/7- back in the day other family members helped to raise babies, and I like that way of doing things. My sons live going for sleepovers and if it gives you time to relax and enjoy other things then you're going to be a happier and healthier parent when baby comes back home

 

[babyblog]

I couldn't even imagine leaving LO for a few hours at that age, much less over night. I have to agree with the other posters, every weekend is excessive. I know you're young, but parenting is a full time job, and you can't really have the best of both worlds.

But the OP can as she has the support of her parents!

 

[SaraEmily]

I can definitely understand how having nights away would make someone a happier parent, but not if that parent is hungover when they get the baby back. Especially being hungover with a 6 week old. That sounds awful.

 

[HanaK]

It's fine to leave your baby with loving grandparents when you want. Honestly, I dislike the idea that it's somehow not taking on full responsibility for your child, of course you are- you're arranging care with family members. Just because you're a parent you dnt need to be tied to your baby 24/7- back in the day other family members helped to aisle babies, and I like that way of doing things. My sons live going for sleepovers and if it gives you time to relax and enjoy other things then you're going to be a happier and healthier parent when baby comes back home

Summed up very nicely.

OP, the fact that you've given it this much consideration proves you're a good mum. It's your prerogative and as long as your conscience is clear (I'm by no means suggesting it shouldn't be) then whatever you decide is the right decision.

 

[Unexpected212]

My son is 9 months and we first stayed away for two nights without him the other week for our honeymoon and it sucked!

I've let him have overnighters at my mums from around 6 weeks old. Maybe 5-6 times in total (but my mom literally lives like 2 doors down so it doensn't scare me cos I can go to him if I miss him in the night)

 

[sevenofnine]

Sevenofnine, I definitely do not have PND, I just want some time to myself, with my husband, with friends, having a drink. Grandparents offered the odd weekend but more likely it wold be once a week, every Friday or Saturday evening and I'd collect him first thing in the morning.
Maybe resent was the wrong word, but I want To enjoy being a mother and find the balance between being me, being a wife and being a mother. I figured 1/7 days without my son wasn't too bad....but I guess my feelings are in the minority!

I was truly just wondering, as of course we can't tell here in the internet world if you're just wanting a night out or if it's because of something like depression.

In the end it is up to you as a parent. It was important for me to find a balance in my own way, and you will find your balance in your own way. That's all there is to it. (Although of course everyone, myself included, will have their opinions!)

 

[aliss]

I do see both sides of this - it is worth mentioning (at least if I could talk to myself 3 years ago), that there is also no need to rush back either. I dunno, maybe I'm just old as I'm usually half asleep by 8pm. I really couldn't imagine properly going out and drinking so soon postpartum. There is certainly an adjustment period that is worth going through, I know it seems an eternity, but it doesn't have to be a rush either. Your baby will be in good hands no matter what you choose, but I think rushing back to the 'old life' can create more problems too in the long run. I guess I wish I had just slowed down. That's just me.

 

[kates84]

Sevenofnine, I definitely do not have PND, I just want some time to myself, with my husband, with friends, having a drink. Grandparents offered the odd weekend but more likely it wold be once a week, every Friday or Saturday evening and I'd collect him first thing in the morning.
Maybe resent was the wrong word, but I want To enjoy being a mother and find the balance between being me, being a wife and being a mother. I figured 1/7 days without my son wasn't too bad....but I guess my feelings are in the minority!

I was truly just wondering, as of course we can't tell here in the internet world if you're just wanting a night out or if it's because of something like depression.

I don't think you can be too careful with PND to be honest. I've had gentle inquiries during some of my more wobbly moments and while I don't think I have it, I appreciate people reminding me to sort of keep an eye on my own state of mind because these things can come over you without one knowing.

 

[Gym knickers]

I think everybody is different, I have a friend with a five week old baby and she has been out at least 8 times that I know of so far for spa days, meals, night out, cinema trips etc. I find it totally mind boggling as the baby was very much wanted but she seems totally unwilling to change her lifestyle in any way for her child, she gave up breastfeeding so she could drink wine in the evenings. I left my lo overnight for the first time when she was 8 weeks for a pre planned night out, I had expressed for days in advance and was very anxious about it but I really enjoyed it and felt I needed it but I missed her way too much. I've done it once more since and she's 6 months old but I do leave her with her gran for an hour here or there maybe once a month. I have a friend who think what I do is too much and didn't leave her baby at all until she was 18 months. What I'm trying to say is that everyone has their idea of what's ok and what's not. I can't judge as I know others are judging me.