Leaving toddler overnight at in-laws?

[hmaz]

My son is almost 2 and half and I've never left him overnight yet. I really don't feel ready but my in laws are desperate to have him stay for whole weekends. They only live 30 mins away so get to see him really often as it is and my MIL looks after DS at my house one day a week when I'm at work.

I thought I've made it clear that I just wasn't ready to leave him overnight yet but they won't stop asking and saying that I'll have to in a month our so once baby #2 arrives. I don't think my son is ready either and I can think of nothing worse than once the new baby arrives just packing my toddler of for days at a time. I can't see how that would help him deal with the transition of having a new addition to the family.

. Is there any one else who hasn't left their toddler overnight yet our am I just being overprotective and unfair to his grandparents?

 

[tina3747]

If your not happy doing it then dont be pressured or blackmailed into it. LO stays overnight with dh parents if we go out, I tend to drop him off late and pick up early, mainly because he can be a handful and mil is in her 70s so I feel a little guilty like its too much for them (he wears me out and I'm half the age!)

I would just say your not ready at the moment, and youll see how you feel when the baby comes. You might just have a really bad night with the baby and a very demanding toddler so don't burn your bridges just yet!


Also to add... I don't feel comfortable doing it if we're not doing anything and just at home. I jut think they're our responsibility so he'll only go there if we have no choice but to send him to the in laws.

 

[tardiz]

I didn't even when i lived with my mil and my mum lives 5mins awayand still hasn't had him over night. He is not ready and to be honsst neither am I. Easier said than done when someone is going on but you really do have to do what you are comfortable with x

 

[Bex84]

My lo has never been away over night and hasent stayed in day with them either. She sees them once a month and that is with us making all the effort. Dont feel pressured my lo has only been away from me half an hour when she was with my dh

 

[Cat lady]

Well I am not ready to leave my toddler either, however, I was forced to not be with him overnight for almost 10days when he was in hospital.

In November he had a bowel blockage, we had to go to a specialist hospital away from home, they have a pull down parents bed beside every childs bed, I slept in with my little boy in his hospital bed and my dh slept in the pull down bed.

When I went into labour, I got my mum to come to mine, I stayed at home until midnight and then went into hospital, my ds was tucked up nicely in bed, I gave birth at 5am and was home by 10, ds had only got up at 8.30, so he didnt even realise I had gone.

The difficult time was, when dd was only 4.5weeks old, ds got another bowel blockage and back off to the hospital miles away we went! This time as I had a newborn, I wasnt allowed to stay with ds, so dh had to stay with him in hospital whilst I stayed in the ronald mcdonald accommodation for parents of sick children. I was up and down this really steep hill 2/3 times a day, I would be there by 7am and not leave until gone 9/10 in the evening. Only twice ds woke in the night and dh was unable to console him so I ended up getting up and walking down to the hospital to help out. My poor dd in her little moby wrap or in the travel system just being dragged around with me.

The point is, if your not ready then dont be forced into it. My poor ds, still wakes in the night now and asks for me so it has actually mentally scarred him not having me there. I am sure he will get over it in time, but for now, until we are both ready we wont be forced into it for an unnecessary 'jolly'.
xxx

 

[katee82]

Its completely your choice where your child spends most of his/her time and your in laws should understand and respect that.... Our DS stays with his grandparents (alternative sets) over night probably once a month if that if DH and I go out but we wouldn't send him away for the night just so we could sit at home, that just wouldn't feel right and as another poster has mentioned, kids are the parents responsibility after all!

I would say though that DS loves having his little sleep overs at his grandparents and as both sets are still in their 50's, they're all relatively young and like doing fun stuff together- plus if any of his cousins are there too it's one big adventure! He's always been socially interactive and I think part of that is to do with us allowing a certain amount of freedom... And it's good for DH and I too to get some much needed time alone together!!!

 

[ke29]

I know exactly how you feel, I have the same problem with my parents. I just make it very clear (on a weekly basis) that it is of no benefit for DS to stay over with them despite them thinking it would be great to have a 'sleep over'

 

[BabyJayne]

I would say do whatever you are comfortable with. I love the fact my in-laws have Madeline to stay overnight every so often - it's what me and DH want, allows us to go out together etc. and Madeline loves going so has a fantastic time. She also stays with my dad, and has stayed at my brothers a few times. But just because it works for us doesn't mean it's what everyone wants.

I would just ask is it you who is not ready or your LO who is not ready? If it is you and you think your LO would benefit or have a fun time staying overnight with grandparents (and there are no safety issues with them etc), then maybe look at why you don't want him to stay over. However, if you are completely happy with the decision and don't want hime to stay over there, then that's your decision and everyone should respect that.

 

[marina294]

i never have as she has never slept through (till the last week fingers crossed)and ebf she has spent a day at a time there an has a blast . but we co sleep and there views have always been i should have put her down to cry to sleep. SIL kept asking for her to stay but as i explained she didnt sleep through etc she said no worries ill just put my ear phones in so i cant hear heer cry. not exactly convincing me to leave her. now im getting the smug well you may just have to leave her overnight because of this baby well if i have too then we will cross the bridge at that time and i will put my foot down if they dont respect my rules then they will never have her stay overnight ever again. but as she is older now and adores the dog they have got i have a feeling she might keep them up with all the excitement and the dog

 

[seoj]

I do see both sides tbh- BUT, when it comes down to it, you need to do it when your ready. Not just for the grand parents. The ONLY reason I've been away from LO overnight yet was when I was with my Mom at the end. As that was something I needed to do- but I still saw my LO during the day as I could. I am leaving her home when I travel to Cali for my Mom's memorial there in April- and although I will miss her madly and really don't *want* to leave her- I think for her, it's better to stay home and not be dragged out of her space just for my own reasons. I'll only be gone 2 days and know she'll be well taken care of by hubby.

I guess I don't really see the push to have LO over night from in-laws? I mean, mine haven't once asked for that. Although- my MIL does baby care full time. And we do see them often as they only live 15mins away. But even then- I guess, I just see overnights as something you'd allow more when LO was a bigger kid. Like 5-6yrs. So it's more of a sleep over then. IDK. Do what your comfy with hun. Not like they couldn't just take LO for a day trip- then bring back at night.

 

[brunette&bubs]

It is totally up to your comfort level.
If you are not comfortable they should respect that and leave you be.

I am different though.
My son loves having sleepovers at both his grandparents houses.
It's like a treat for him and both sets love having him.
They make it super special, they take him out to eat and go to playplaces etc.

For us, it's nice because we get some time away.

My MIL asked when James was still a NB and I couldn't. I wasn't fully comfortable leaving him for sleepovers until after he was 1 and STTN.

However, I do have a friend (whom I am visiting at the hospital with her new baby in two hours) who has never left her daughter overnight anywhere.
She had a lot of anxiety because her mom would take her when she went into labor.

But that's her prerogative.
Everyone is different, and your in laws should respect you

 

[onetwothreebp]

Honestly, it might not be a bad thing to consider for one night. If you're expecting a second child and your in-law will be watching your LO while you're in labour, it might be nice for your child to have some idea of what will happen with them while he's there. As hard as it is, you probably want your LO to have the smoothest visit possible while he's there, rather than have it be such a shock. Just something to consider.

 

[Rachel_C]

I doubt my kids will ever spend the night at the inlaws' but they may spend time at my mum's when they're 10 or so (she lives a long way away though).

I am always very wary of grown adults who want children to do things like stay over/eat chocolate/take a bottle for the adult's benefit. Anything to do with a small child should, IMO, always be about what is best for the child. If your child was desperate to stay over there maybe I'd reconsider but if not, and especially if you don't think LO is ready, I would be saying NO WAY!!! It is not about whether they want LO there, it's about whether LO wants to and is ready to. If they don't respect that, they wouldn't be getting their mitts on my child.

 

[hmaz]

Thanks ladies, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who isn't ready to leave their toddler yet!

 

[sugarpuff]

My daughter has never spent the night away from me and I don't want her to until she actually asks to do so and understands that it means me not being there if she wakes up in the night (she's begun waking and wanting me recently).

The husband on the other hand... He is constantly saying that his mum wants to have her stay the night and that he wants her to too, I've said no. I'm due to have an operation next month and may have to stay the night and husband has just informed me that he might have A stay over at his mum's that night. Over my dead body, I'll be so fricking annoyed if he does it when I'm in hospital and stressed enough at it is.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

Ruby sometimes stays overnight at her dads house but that is v different. She would noooo waaaaay be spending the night at the in laws house without her dad (they live too far away for it to come up, though.)

If she wanted to stay overnight at my mums without me id be 100% fine with it but it's never come up, as I can't go out anyway as I have Scarlett who is about as ready for a sleepover without me as she is ready to do algebraic equations

 

[Blu10]

My DS enjoys staying at nanny and grandads (my parents) over night every few months but they have him twice a week while I am working so he is very used to house and having naps there. We rarely go out but it is nice sometimes to go to the cinema or for a meal as a couple and know that lil man is happy with them. I think it's nice if there not too clingy to parents but that's just my opinion, saying that though I totally can't wait to pick him up the next morning lol x

 

[MumMumMum]

My DD goes to my mum's in the day when I am at work. I have planned to let her sleep there overnight a couple of times and then chickened out. I guess the first time I leave her overnight will be when the baby comes. I didn't want to stay in hospital last time so I really won't want to this time!

You can only do what you and LO are comfortable with. For me it's a case
Of I want her near by. I'm apart from her enough for work and I like that if she wakes in the night it's me or DH that can go to her.

As for my in-laws they failed to look after her while we queued for a theme park ride when she was small. I have no faith in them whatsoever to look after her for even 20 mins! She won't be looked after them, especially overnight and neither will DD2 x

 

[Ceejay123]

No chance, no way... Haha x

 

[lozzy21]

Niamh loves staying over at both her grandmas, I dont but im not going to stop her doing something because im not ready.

However if your LO is going to be staying overnight at the inlaws when you have the new baby i would attempt him staying over once or twice before the new baby arrives. You dont want him to associate the new baby with being shipped off to Grandmas house.