Life since having my second baby

[laura109]

Life has been chaos since December the 28th 2017. We welcomed our son into the world to join his almost 3 year old sister. I never quite realised at the time how full on life would become. Not necessarily hard but busy. One of the things I've felt since my daughter became a toddler is anxiety. It's not bad enough to see the doctor but I have days (usually when I've made plans) where I feel abit worried and on edge before I go out. I know why this is. It's because I try to see two of my friends every week. I usually enjoy myself once im out too, but there's often a morning where my head aches. I feel sickly tired or I'm having a heavy period. Those days make me feel anxious. I would rather say to my friends I'm not feeling it today but I force myself to go and put the effort it. I love my friends. They are my mum friends. They go through it with me. They mean even more to me because my family don't seem to bother much. They are busy themselves. My parents don't do visiting even though they live round the corner and they don't want to babysit. Not even once or twice a year. I can maybe twice a year get them to watch My daughter if I'm desperate and need to decorate or build a wardrobe. This results in no time to be a girlfriend to my partner. We can't even go to the local cinema for two hours. We don't do anything for our birthdays etc as we have the kids. It's the path we have chosen. I come on here to talk about many little niggly problems. To express my feelings at crazy times because I don't feel I have a mum to go to.

I saw something today on Facebook. It made me delete my account. A friend of mine has moved away 15 miles away. She used to live up the road. She has a controlling partner who stopped her seeing all her mates. He got her to start a new life away with him. He's 25 years older than her. I'm scared of him. He's hit my friend in the past. She got counciling and support but she went back. I've always been wary. Kept to myself as I don't want trouble on my doorstep. I've always welcomed her in my home. She's great with my kids. But she got a job last year full time. We have lost touch apart from three catch ups in five months. She's been working and I've been busy with the kids. She tried to ring me a few times but it was always at night when I was putting the kids to bed. I always texted her and asked if she was OK and she never replied. I explained in the text I was putting the kids to bed. No reply. Anyway... Today she wrote a status about me on Facebook saying so called friend that plasters pictures of her kids on Facebook but never bother to text.

First of all it's childish. It doesn't matter to me if we don't speak every week or month. I still like to think we are friends. Secondly she's not put effort in to text me for two months. Thirdly my kids come first. I'm so busy! I really am! I don't sit down all day. I do nursery runs and housework and feed the kids. Do the shopping, do the washing, bath my kids, take my kids to the park, meet up with mummy friends, go visit my mum when I can. I have to shower when my oh gets home. That's 8 at night. Then I put the kids to bed. I wash up and do bottles.,pick toys up. I've not had a single night away with my partner in four years. I've not had a night out with my partner in three years. We've been to the cinema twice and that's all the time we've had to be us in over three years.

One thing I've had to forgive myself for is not having heaps of time. I would love to chat in the evenings on the phone but I'd wake my kids. It's so hard to be everything to everyone with kids isn't it. I do my best. I've been busy the last few months. Busier than I've e er been. When my daughter goes to school next year I'll have abit more time. But right now my hands are.

I have deleted Facebook today. Its about me and my kids and nobody else will come first although I will always do my best

 

[Eleanor ace]

It must have been so horrible to see that status on Facebook. I would be so gutted! You are right, you can only stretch yourself so far and your family do have to come first.
I found the transition from 1-2 the hardest. Balancing the children, my relationship, work and friendships was a real juggling act. It definitely got easier once my 2nd LO was a bit older, and we were able to get a babysitter so DH and I could go out, DD1 stopped breastfeeding so I could go out with friends occasionally etc.
I imagine your friend is having a hard time and is focussing on that and her need for a friend, rather than the fact that you have a busy life of your own and can't be her saviour. Hopefully she will realise she's acted very poorly and apologise

 

[Wobbles]

I wouldn't feel guilty or bad enough to delete your account.

Like El said she is likely in a position of life that she needs someone and isn't thinking straight how busy other peoples lives are.

Yes we can be there for our friends but we also have to put our family life ad our own health first. Took me a while to figure this out