Little Ones Close in Age... Am I Setting Myself Up For Disaster, or What?

[BenedettaMama]

Ok, so I am still fairly new to this forum and am not sure if something like this has been posted before or not, but I need to know if anyone is in the same boat, or has sailed this boat to the great beyond and back in one piece... or even multiple pieces... either way, I'm pretty nervous...

My daughter is nearly a year old. It took us a loooooong time to conceive her. I had a lot of medical issues and the docs basically told me I COULD get pregnant, it would just be really difficult. Lo and behold we finally were blessed with Izzy, and overjoyed. After she was born we decided to wait until she was about 18-24 months before we even STARTED to try again. For us, trying means sex every other day, temp taking, cm testing... you know, that old chestnut.

We had had unprotected sex for years without even so much as a real pregnancy scare before Izzy came along... and my periods are super irregular bla bla bla. So I thought nothing about having random unprotected sex with my hubby. I figured the chances of us getting pregnant without *trying* were next to nothing. Yeah. Lesson learned on that one!

Long story longer, I am now nearly 12 weeks pregnant... It was only a whim that had me take a test... Mostly because I felt some weird stretching type pain. Every other symptom I had simply explained away in my own head. Now I realize that my daughter will BE 18 months when the new baby is here... I am TERRIFIED. I have a million questions and fears...

In my mind 18 months is still a very important developmental time (not to say that every year of every child's life isn't but... you know what I mean) and I don't know the best way to properly divide/share my time amongst my daughter and the new baby, who will basically be attached to me for the first two months, when sleep and breastfeeding will be my primary levels of existence... Will my daughter start to resent me and feel like I have abandoned her in a way? How can I prevent/help that?

Please PLEASE don't get me wrong... We are both VERY excited about this new baby... I guess I am just really nervous about them being so close in age.

If you are or were ina similar circumstance I would LOVE to hear from you! If you've done it, tell me how you did it, what the hardest parts were/are... Anything you think I might need to know that you're willing to share...

If youre in the same boat as me, I'd love to hear I'm not alone in Scaredy-cat-ville.

Thanks in advance, and sorry for the rambles...

 

[lillysmum]

I have just embarked on this adventure lol - so far its going ok but it is early days, an theres 19months between my daughter and my new son.

I wouldnt have it any other way though.

 

[BenedettaMama]

I have just embarked on this adventure lol - so far its going ok but it is early days, an theres 19months between my daughter and my new son.

I wouldnt have it any other way though.

Thanks for your reply... please keep me posted!!

 

[Ell87]

I have got 18 months between my first 2 and absolutely LOVE it. I loved it so much I had 12 months between my second and third!

DS was old enough to be aware of a new baby, but tbh he never got jealous. The first 6 months were difficult, but I suffered with PND after my DD so I think that was a big reason why.

MIL bought him a doll and a buggy and it helped as he could pretend to do the things we were doing with the baby (changing/feeding/etc) and he did it with his 'baby'.

Everyone also made a huge fuss over him when DD1 was born.

Regarding the BF'ing - I used to cuddle DS when DD1 was feeding, or read him a story. He's never been the jealous type though which I think really helped.

It might be useful to get your OH or someone else to take your DD out on her own in the months leading upto the new baby. It'll get her used to not being as dependant on you (Not sure if she is, just making an assumption sorry, lol). It'll help if she likes having other people take her places and do things with her too, as then when the new baby arrives it wont be a big deal to her.

In the past 6 months, my oldest 2 have really started playing well together and are SO close. It's made my decision for a small age gap one I'm glad I made even more.

Honestly, you will be fine

 

[BenedettaMama]

Wow! Thank you SO much!!! That was really really helpful and good to know... Lots of great tips too! I feel a bit better knowing it was good enough for you that you had your third one close too! Awesome.

 

[staceymy]

Hi!!! We also tried for 2 whole years after a miscarriage for our daughter. We wernt using anything after having her & one slip up & here we are 17wks pregnant! Never thought in a million years we would catch that quickly after alll the heartache of ttc.

I just think its happened for a reason & im glad we didnt have to go thru all the long months of ttc & getting so stressed about it.

If LO arrives on time then my daughter will turn 20mths 3 days later.

Huge congrats on the pregnancy!!!

 

[doumauk]

hi hun
my salim was born on 19th august 2008 and my second son is due on 6th august 2009 so yeah lol very close together. I am over the shock now and yes it is going to be hard work but I love being a mum and it will be fine. It also took me 2 years to have salim without contraception and this time I got pregnant when he was 10 weeks old. tc x

 

[Carolyn]

i'm also in the same boat, our daughter will be 13 months when baby 2 is born..i feel the same as you. apparently it will all be fine! (and a lot of hard work!) have you the added worry of HAVING to go back to work and leaving them both? the money worries me big time...

 

[angels330]

hey there hon, congratulations have to say im in similar boat to you, im pregnant and my lo is nearly 6 months - everyone tells me how crazy i am but who cares what other people think! every baby is a blessing and theyre obviously meant to be here! hope all is going well x

 

[ALY]

Roby was 18mths wen sam was born
all thou its hard work there really close the hard bit is wen baby 1st arrived but wen u get in to some routine its really good x

 

[PitBullMommy]

You sound like me! I had to have clomid to conceive Charlotte. We decided to wait until she was 18 months to try for another. I got pregnant with this one when Char was 3 months old...and we were using protection. Adam is due 2 weeks after Charlotte turns ONE. YIKES!

 

[sam's mum]

Welcome to BnB! And congratulations! I'm in the same boat too - it took so long to conceive Sam (we were told we would probably need IVF), and although he was conceived naturally we decided to start trying while he was young - I've always wanted my kids close together but never thought we'd be lucky enough for it to happen!

Sam was 1 a couple of weeks ago and I am now 14 weeks pregnant, so he will be 18 months when this one is born. Since I've started telling people all I have had are really encouraging comments from people who have had their kids close together, so I'm hoping Sam and this one will grow up very close - my only real worry at the moment is breastfeeding, as Sam doesn't like to sit still for longer than about 5 seconds, so I don't think there's much chance of him sitting with me while I feed - but I guess I have lots of time to work out what I'm going to do with that!

Sorry for going on and on about me ...hope everything goes really well for you, and congratulations again! x