looking after a baby with no help

[molly86]

Hi. i was just wondering if anyone who already has a child/children is doing it with out much help? My dh has been offered a job in a different town so we will most likely be moving in a few months. We have lived in the same area all our lives and both families are within a 10 min drive from us. We sometimes babysit for SILs children and other members of the family do too. she says she needs that break. I'm wondering what it will be like for us without that support. we plan to ttc soon. Has anyone got any experience of this? Am i worrying about nothing or is it going to be really hard?

 

[WhiteKhocol8]

I'm wondering the same thing as while DHs family are here in Melbourne my family are interstate. My mother had me alone a lot as both families were interstate and my dad travelled a lot for work so I think she was quite lonely and overwhelmed at times, but she made it through and so will I when the time comes!

That having been said my biggest worry is those first few months. I'm looking into a doula to help in the early days - most offer post-partum support in their packages, at least in our area. Maybe you could check if you could find someone like that as a starting point?

Also, in my first year of university a friend of my aunt's wanted someone to come look after her little girl one afternoon a week to get her used to another carer before going into daycare the next year and I was happy for the extra income. That might also be an option? Uni students studying education or child services are usually quick to jumpnon opportunities like that.

 

[Eleanor ace]

You'll be fine! Your SIL probably feels like she couldn't do without the break because she's used to it. A lot of people do it without help, or with the help of their partner. In my mummy friendship group it is the norm (1 friend is on her own a lot as her OH is in the army, anothers OH works away during the week, another has her OH but he goes home a lot- they are from France, his business is there) and everyone just gets on with it. The only friend who finds it a struggle is one who moved from living with a wide circle of extended family and friends nearby who all helped each other out to our area where they didn't know anyone. I look after her LO's sometimes as she needs a break, not because they are particularly hard work but because she was "spoiled" (her word lol) by having so much help before they moved.

 

[Girly922]

You'll be fine. Our closest family are an hour away, and OH works away mon-fri so during the week it's just me and DD. It can be hard but completely manageable. When OH is home on a weekend, that's when I get to go for a long hot bath. Alone.

During the week we go to baby groups and meets with local mums. The best thing you can do once your baby arrives is pop along to your local children's centre to see what groups they have. When OH is at work and you're sat all day with a baby who can't communicate any other way than crying, sometimes you need some adult conversation. The baby groups are fantastic for LOs to interact, and for you to have a coffee and a chat.

My biggest worry is going back to work and getting DD into nursery. That's when I'd like the luxury of having family close by to babysit.

 

[Pearls18]

In the first year and a bit of my son's life we lived close to my family and had a lot of help, I won't lie it was lovely! When he was 18 months we moved to my DH's work and are 4 hours from family. It's expensive for childcare and a bit stressful when I am working and hubby working away, but other than that we're fine. DH and I make sure we give each other a break, yesterday I popped out shopping and for a coffee by myself for an hour, he let's me sleep in on the mornings we have off, he works away a lot so that is his break we tend to see my family once a month, mum will quite often babysit for us on those times so hubby and we have a date night. When DS2 is older we will also use our trusted babysitter (who works in our son's nursery) so we have some nights out.

It is much more preferable to be near family, but it is manageable without them too

 

[molly86]

Thank you all for responding. It's reassuring to hear I'll be ok and other people manage. Great idea about about going to baby groups as another concern of mine is making friends. Plus I've thought of one advantage. There will be no one interfering and I can raise my child completely how I see best. Obviously I might let dh have a bit of influence!

 

[staralfur]

Our closest family is a 4 hour drive (my inlaws) and my family lives 12 hours away. I had to call my mom when LO was about 2 weeks old because I was just beyond exhausted and my LO was high needs. She was nice enough to drop everything and fly out and help me out for a week. That was really all I needed, it's been fine ever since. I'm sure it's nice to have people who will babysit on a regular basis, but it's not the end of the world to be without it.

 

[celine]

Hbby and i love n a different country and do it alone, also he works long hours often til 10/11 at night so im alone with the kids alot cos on weekends when he wants to do home diy i still havw them...its hard but totally doable

 

[MamaE]

We live on the other side of the world from family, literally. From Day 1, it's been DH and I, only. Family came to visit for a week when she was just born. Now she's 27 mo, and I've never spent more than 4 hrs away from her, and in that time her dad was taking care of her. We're moving soon, closer to the family, but still a flight/looooong (8hrs) drive away. It's difficult when you don't have anyone to lean on, but you make due, and you won't know any differently. Plus, your bond with your child will be stronger for it.

All that said, I need a flippin' vacation...

 

[RaspberryK]

I did a lot on my own, dh either works shifts, long hours or away. He went back to work when ds was 2 days old, my brother lived half an hour away and surprised me with a cooked lunch.
My mother in law visited at day 5 also half an hour away, because I was having a melt down, no sleep, milk still not "in". IIgot a 2 hour nap while she took him forva walk.
That's the extent of help I had with the exception of babysitting once he was 1.
The best thing I did was go to my breastfeeding support class and I wish I'd gone sooner.
Xx

 

[LucyLadyBug]

Currently childless but our plan doesn't assume much help from other family members. We live about an hour and a half from any of mine and partner 1's family, and 2 hours from partner 2's. Though partner 2 is a lot closer to his family than I am to mine especially, so will probably see them as often as is feasible, and potentially move closer to them between #1 and #2.

I bought my house on my own when I was 21 and furnished/redecorated it without any family support, whilst finishing my last year of uni, so it doesn't faze me to not have a big family support network on hand, but will make sure my children bond with their cousins. Plus it's a little reassuring that due to our unusual relationship we are a family of three adults to balance childcare/the house/work/etc...

 

[Pearls18]

The only thing I'm worried about is school holidays, and the fact I get home at 6 but school finishes at 3, oh and that I need to be on the tube long before school opens. This concerns me. I have another 18 months to figure stuff out though!

 

[molly86]

Thanks for all the ideas there ladies. Definitely feel more confident about it now. Some of you are clearly very independent, particularly lucyladybug. I'm sure I'll be fine. Thanks again x