Looking for reassurance...

[pi_dad]

Hi all,

I am really just looking for some reassurance. I am recently out as gay and with a partner who is older than me, he's quite broody and made me aware of his intentions to adopt before we got together almost a year ago. I always wanted a family before I came out but I'd never really thought of being a same sex parent family. I come from a conservative background and upon coming out my mother and sister shared their views on the idea saying something along the lines of 'don't even think about it' and 'it's not fair on the child'...(a lot of things were said and this could have just been shock but I've never approached the topic since that day).

The thing is I don't know any same sex parent families and so I don't have the comeback of 'well so and so turned out just fine'.
So I guess my question is, do the kids get treated any differently in daily life, what struggles are we going to face as a family, and how can I convince my family that our child isn't going to suffer because of his/her dads' sexual preferences.

Thanks

 

[daniyaaq]

To be honest you cant guarantee that. It's challenging but i think the most important thing is to teach your child its ok.

I have a daughter who is 5, everything was ok until she started school. Then the questions came, where is my dad, we even went through a stage of her being conflicted, she used to look very sad and tell me she loves her mummy (im always mama) but she also wants to have a mom and dad.

She has gone past that ok, however as she grows older more questions come, she realises her family is different. I think the most important thing is for you to make sure your child doesn't feel like the odd one out. Kids of same sex parents grow up happy and healthy, its just that as parents we have an extra job of safe guarding them from discrimination

When i was pregnant i made sure to sit down with all my family members and basically told them whatever issues or feelings they have about my sexuality is between them and me, if my child sense even a tiniest bit of disapproval of her family situation i am cutting them off.

So in the end the only thing you have to worry about is how the people around you will treat you as a family and your child as a part of your family..

 

[Eidson23]

Kids from same sex families are no different! I have an 8 year old son and a newborn with my wife. My son doesn't get picked on and certainly doesn't have a tough life. When his friends come over they sometimes ask him questions but it's easily answered by my son and they move the conversation on to video games lol. My sons school has always been great, they even let him make two Mother's Day gifts. We live in Texas, I don't know if you can possibly get any more conservative than that and everyone has been fairly accepting. Our neighbors love us and if anyone has had a negative opinion it's never been shared with us. Our boys are happy and that's what matters. Don't feel guilty about becoming a parent! Your child(ren) will be so loved and that's more than what some kids can say. There may be questions but as long as your child (and you!) are prepared then it's easy.

I also come from a conservative family, and I didn't come out to my family until I was 23. It's a long road but it gets better. Hang in there! And never feel guilty about who you are! As my grandmother put it, if anyone has a problem with how I love my life then they can go screw it lol.