Looking for some feedback on my preemie loss

[Foogirl]

It must be so hard for you I'm sure they did as much as they could for your LO. They are all so different and what works for one, may not work for another. They will have assessed your LO and did what was best. There are always stories of negligent doctors but they are few and far between. Sometimes we just have to put our faith in them.

 

[happypanda]

i agree foogirl, I don't place blame anywhere, just I wish I had done more research so i could've asked more questions. They were actually really wonderful at the SCBU, they all got really attached to him, and seeing them all cry when he died was really touching to me. I couldn't have asked for better nurses or doctors.

 

[25weeker]

i agree foogirl, I don't place blame anywhere, just I wish I had done more research so i could've asked more questions. They were actually really wonderful at the SCBU, they all got really attached to him, and seeing them all cry when he died was really touching to me. I couldn't have asked for better nurses or doctors.

I often think what questions I could have asked and after her sister spending 14 weeks in neonatal I know a lot more about the different methods, treatments etc and I often wonder what they had done for Rebecca because the first two weeks of the neonatal are patchy for me. I think it was probably a coping mechanism.

I considered getting her notes but don't think I would achieve anything and only upset me because as part of the transfer of Holly I was given discharge notes and it contained the treatment Holly and Rebecca had at birth and it wasn't nice reading.

PM me if you ever need to chat xxx

 

[HCB]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and my heart goes out to you because I know what it's like. I gave birth to our twin boys at 27+4, Lucas and Morgan, who were 2lb 6oz and 1lb 13oz respectively. Morgan was actually 3 weeks behind in development so was more like a 24 weeker and unfortunately we lost him when he was 18 days old. He contracted NEC and they did everything they could to save him but it was just too overwhelming for his little body.

Not a day goes by when I don't think about the what ifs and what could I have done differently. I blame myself for so many things because I was his mum so I should have been able to do more, or at least that is what I keep thinking. I have got to the point where I realise that he was so poorly that had they managed to get him to the other hospital, had they been able to operate on him and had he survived all of that he would probably have had a number of problems. It doesn't stop me crying most days. It doesn't stop me from wishing things could have been different but it does help me come to terms with things somewhat. It doesn't help me understand though. I don't think we ever do.

I won't lie, it won't be easy but you will come to accept what's happened. You will think of him every day of your life and no one can take away those precious few days from you. Ask the consultant any questions at all if you feel that it will help you and they will answer them as well as they can. Even if you can't face it now they should be able to help you further down the line if and when you want it.

 

[vermeil]

Not a day goes by when I don't think about the what ifs and what could I have done differently. I blame myself for so many things because I was his mum so I should have been able to do more, or at least that is what I keep thinking. I have got to the point where I realise that he was so poorly that had they managed to get him to the other hospital, had they been able to operate on him and had he survived all of that he would probably have had a number of problems. It doesn't stop me crying most days. It doesn't stop me from wishing things could have been different but it does help me come to terms with things somewhat. It doesn't help me understand though. I don't think we ever do.

HCB this is exactly how I feel also, as do probably most of the wonderful ladies on this board... though a year later now, and there are sometimes full days when I don`t think of those horrible moments when we thought we would lose him, and the countless things I would have done differently, the many questions I didn`t ask... The psychologist at our nicu said parents of preemies all grieve, even if their little ones make it. I understand what she meant now. I think in the thick of things we go in survival mode and everything goes by like a blur. Then when things settle down we finally allow ourselves to relive the memories and finally live all those emotions. Despite us being lucky and our 'adventure' ending well I still cried daily for months.

 

[Srrme]

I can't offer any advice, but I'm so very sorry for your loss. Big hugs.

 

[ermm23a]

As others have said, every baby is different. Before they took my baby I had a chance to meet with neonatologist and while he was very kind, he told me he really couldn't tell me much about the specifics of my son until he was born bc each baby is different and some may not need oxygen while others at same gestation will.

Nothing you could've asked would have changed the outcome for your little one. If you need more information about exactly why he died, then I would go and talk to the doctors and nurses and ask away. It may help you with the grieving process.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family.

 

[Bec L]

So sorry for your loss x

 

[Hotmum]

I am so sorry for your loss =(

I have no answer I shouldn´t be reading since my LO still in NICU, but I just wanted to offer you a big and tie hug...

You did the right thing ...

 

[mylittlebud1]

Hi,

I had 27 + 2 wk prem baby. She weighed 2lb 8oz. She was ventilated for 5 days then went to breathing on her own, i'm not sure what % level she was on though. I can't imagine how hard it was for you to make that decision as i have been fortunate, but from my experience i believe the specialist would've done everything they could of for your little one.

I can't sit here and say what is right or wrong but i think you are one brave mummy and it sounds like you made the right decision for your baby.

So sorry for your loss. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[ems1]

Sorry for your loss. x

 

[Oman25]

Nothing I can add more than what other said,

I am so so sorry for your loss and God will give you one I'm coming future.

 

[SugarKisses]

i am so terribly sorry for your loss of your son. I have had 3 premature babies, my 1st baby, Sophie, died during labour at 24 weeks and 2 days and my 2nd baby, Luke was born at 24 weeks and died aged 2 days old to pseudomas. He was very ill....

And my 3rd baby arrived at 26+6 and thankfully made it and helps me smile every day. If you want to talk to me, im here, just send me a message, I understand how your feeling xxx