looking to adopt in the uk info needed

[raf-wife]

hi i am just moving over here from the assisted conception thread, we have been ttc almost 9 yrs and have just had a failed ivf, we have been discussing our next move and although we have been ttc we had always thought about adopting as well in a few yrs but i now think this maybe the path we take next although not until later in the year, i have read about the process but wanted to hear it from someone who has gone through it, how long it took what happened at the meetings etc and any advice you can give x

 

[CurlySue]

I'm going through it at the minute. It's weird. I used to come on these boards all the time but 'TTC' seems alien to me now.

We had our initial visit with a children's social worker last Wednesday. That's Step 3. Step 1 would be contacting your Local Authority. Step two, following a brief 'chat' and a few questions answered, would be the information evening. Step three, as stated, is the initial visit with the social worker to see if adoption is what's right for you and whether or not they'd support you.

We got a recommendation from the social worker after the two hour visit and now we're on a waiting list for a Preparation Course. Once you've done the prep course you can formally apply. If approved, you get assigned a social worker to carry out your home study. This is huge, long, time consuming and ridiculously invasive and involves a whole analysis of your life and what you have to offer. Of course, throughout all of this there are the medical checks, police checks and numerous references that need to be approached, etc etc etc.

Long, it is. Time consuming, but I guess this is our 'traumatic, extended labour'.

 

[raf-wife]

thank you for your reply and good luck x

 

[Beckic]

Hello Hunny,

So sorry for what you are going through at the moment - CurlySue and I know exactly how you feel. This time last year I was still grivieng after my thrid IVF failure - but a year on I do feel so much better and I promsie you there is light at the end of the tunnel.

DH and I gave ourselves a good while to get over TTC - because as much as you want to get a child straight away and it seems that adoption is the way to get that - you do have to give yourself time to get used to the idea. As soon as my 3rd IVF failed I was all for applying straight away - but 1. my DH wouldnt let me and 2. the social workers wouldnt let me - and it turns out they were right - because 12 months on I do feel in a much better place to handle the adoption process now that I have had time to get over all that bitterness, disspointment and hurt inside of me.

We spent a good 9 months enjoying being a couple - and whilst there were days (usually when AF came or I heard of another pregnancy announcement) when I cried and begged DH to let me start adoption straight away - I do look back on that time and am glad that we took it before starting the new road.

SO anyways... we initially contacted our local authority in December, we went on our introduction day in January, had an interview two weeks ago - and our prep course is at the end of May. Our local Agency (herts CC) (who are amazing BTW!!!) have an average of 6 - 9 months to being approved from the time that they start the Home Studies and then average of 4 months to a child being matched wo you - which is bloody fantastic (national avergae in 18 months). So I know we are very blessed to live where we do and that our agency is great. You do get to choose your agency (both local councils and voluntary agencies - like Barnados etc..) and they all hold open evenings - so go along to as many as you can to get an idea of who you would like to work with.

I am so exicted about adopting - but I am worried about things - like the process being quite invasive (my DH has alreasdy called it a 'ball-ache and weve only just started!!) and wit will be tiem consuming. And i worry about how my family will react to an adoptive chiled (my dad is already convinced I am going to bring a 'damaged' child into the family and screw things up!) and I am sad that I will never get to name my own child or hear my childs first words and see their first steps (because I have to be realistic and know that the chance of us getting a child under 18months is slim). BUT I will have lots of other firsts - I think of the day that I get to walk into a room and see my child for the first time and my heart melts!! And the first time they call me Mummy will mean so much.

Adoption is a wonderful thing - I have come to it becase there is no other option for me and I know i could not bear to live if I thought I couldnt have children in my life - BUT i really feel now that this was what I was meant for. All those years of fighting to get treatment, fighting to get over the disspointments - have taught me to be strong and determined - and to get through the adoption process - thats deifneitly what you need!!

I am desperate to be a mum and somewhre out there there is a child in care that is depserate for parents - and some day soon we are going to find each other. Life works in mysterious ways - but I feel I am now on a journey that has a certiantly at the end of it - and I certainly didnt have that this time last year.

I really hope that everything works out for you hun - i would certainly say give yourself time to grieve the IVF and clear your head a bit - but please dont be scared of the adoption process - yep it will be long and might have its dissapointments on the way - but its an easier fight than TTC I promise - and now I elaly think that it was what I was meant to do - and I am soooooo excited about it.

A milion million hugs

Bx x x

 

[hattiehippo]

I hope no-one minds me posting here as we were lucky enough to unexpectedly conceive after deciding to adopt and starting the process but I thought I could share how far we got.

We decided to try to adopt after 5 years of trying and unexplained infertility. We didn't want to try IVF.
We went to an information evening with our Local Authority and then registered our interest in moving forward with the process. About 3 months later a social worker came out for our initial assessment which lasted about 3 hours and was pretty intensive. She came back later the same day to say that we were accepted as prospective adoptive parents and the next stage would be parenting workshops and more in depth investigations. That's as far as we got as I then found out I was pregnant out of the blue.

A close friend also started the adoption process about a year after us and she and her DH have now waiting to be matched to a child after passing all the tests. She has been advised that its now much more likely that the child will be under 2 years old - following on from the Baby P case, children are being taken into care much earlier than before and apparently a lot more very young babies are now being taken into foster care to prevent harm being done.