Losing friends.....

Timetotry

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Today I'm feeling emotional, and can't help but think of how the infertility 'process' has affected so many aspects of my life.
What hurts the most is how friendships have changed. No one told me that infertility would cost me some of the friendships that mattered the most to me.

I am the only one out of my friends that does not have a child. The only one who has struggled to this extent.
There are only so many times I can talk about it with friends before I feel like I'm just a dark cloud and that they have no empathy left. They can only say 'I'm sorry you're going through this' so many times before I get the feeling that they don't want to hear it anymore.

There's nothing they can say, or do, to fix the situation. So i stop talking as often.

But it still hurts so badly when you share with them and they don't respond at all.

28 months struggling with infertility.

I've realized more and more lately that the only times I talk to my friends is when I contact them. When I ask how they or their kids are, or when I just share news with them. No one asks how I am doing anymore.
It's also extremely difficult to try to maintain friendships when what they are living with, their good days and their bad days are a constant reminder of what you are missing out on. When their child's birthday is the month you would have been due if you got pregnant when you started trying.
I'm sure they must feel that I lack interest in their lives. But that's not true. It's just so painful.

The hurt of infertility is so so painful. And isolating.

It feels as though my emotional struggle is being interpreted by others as me not caring about them anymore. And that's just not true.

Sorry for the rambling but I needed to get this out there. Today I am hurting. I put on a happy front in public, and fall apart in private.

Today I started birth control and scheduled my surgery before we can start ivf.
 
I'm sorry you are hurting so much. I definitely have those days, and have found that keeping a journal has helped me out immensely. I don't think your friends don't care, I think they just don't know what to say anymore. I know that I started to lose friends and even family started to withdraw from me. So I started a journal, I have my lttc journal on here and an actual handwritten journal. This has helped me get things off my chest, clear my mind, and has also allowed me to be happier when around others.

Another thing that has helped me cope, is an antidepressant. I was just so down and mood all the time. My doctor put me on Lexapro and said that when I did conceive I would ween off it then.

I'm truly amazed at how much the Lexapro and journal have changed my emotional well being. Plus I'm able to go out again and have a good time, and I don't really talk to anyone about the ttc struggles anymore.

Anyway, I guess my point is that maybe you could try a different outlet for your emotions. Also take the initiative with your friends and try not to bring up ttc. They will come back around.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
 
I am so sorry Hun you are going through this. I totally feel you. Be strong, infertility is tough. I am keeping my fingers xed for your IVF.
 
Hi Timetotry:flower: I believe we've met before:winkwink:

I'm so sorry that you're going through such a tough time :( I have to admit my DH and I are going through something similiar. All of his friends that have kids have abandoned us completely (except maybe one couple we see 1-2 a year, tops). It seems to be the norm in this country though since people with kids feel you can't understand them and how they're in a "different place in their lives." A hairdresser that had recently had baby #1 told me that it's normal and they don't care if you're going through infertility, once a couple has kids they either abandon their childless friends or drastically reduce how much they see them. Luckily we still have other friends without kids but one of them lives in Spain (he'll soon be TTCing since he recently got married), one we just don't see much and then there's our childish friend (she's 33 physically but 16 mentally).

So I get your pain. I think the problem is that unless they've experienced infertility themselves, people just don't know what to say to you anyway. They don't get it. So they choose to just distance themselves. It's harsh but unfortunately how people often react in this day and age. Some also lack the empathic skills to try and be understanding.

I think you should just stop sharing with them. If you feel like 1-2 are being somewhat supportive then maybe share to a certain extent but don't talk much about it, just short and sweet updates once a month. Could you join an infertility support group in your area? Also you have your OH/DH to lean on as well. You are each others support system on a daily basis so vent with him when you're really feeling down. Plus you always have us ladies on BnB:hugs:

I have my FXed for your IVF :dust: I'm in the process of doing long protocol IVF myself (am downregulating at the moment) and hopefully will start stimming on Monday if everything looks good at my appointment.
 

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