Today I'm feeling emotional, and can't help but think of how the infertility 'process' has affected so many aspects of my life.
What hurts the most is how friendships have changed. No one told me that infertility would cost me some of the friendships that mattered the most to me.
I am the only one out of my friends that does not have a child. The only one who has struggled to this extent.
There are only so many times I can talk about it with friends before I feel like I'm just a dark cloud and that they have no empathy left. They can only say 'I'm sorry you're going through this' so many times before I get the feeling that they don't want to hear it anymore.
There's nothing they can say, or do, to fix the situation. So i stop talking as often.
But it still hurts so badly when you share with them and they don't respond at all.
28 months struggling with infertility.
I've realized more and more lately that the only times I talk to my friends is when I contact them. When I ask how they or their kids are, or when I just share news with them. No one asks how I am doing anymore.
It's also extremely difficult to try to maintain friendships when what they are living with, their good days and their bad days are a constant reminder of what you are missing out on. When their child's birthday is the month you would have been due if you got pregnant when you started trying.
I'm sure they must feel that I lack interest in their lives. But that's not true. It's just so painful.
The hurt of infertility is so so painful. And isolating.
It feels as though my emotional struggle is being interpreted by others as me not caring about them anymore. And that's just not true.
Sorry for the rambling but I needed to get this out there. Today I am hurting. I put on a happy front in public, and fall apart in private.
Today I started birth control and scheduled my surgery before we can start ivf.
What hurts the most is how friendships have changed. No one told me that infertility would cost me some of the friendships that mattered the most to me.
I am the only one out of my friends that does not have a child. The only one who has struggled to this extent.
There are only so many times I can talk about it with friends before I feel like I'm just a dark cloud and that they have no empathy left. They can only say 'I'm sorry you're going through this' so many times before I get the feeling that they don't want to hear it anymore.
There's nothing they can say, or do, to fix the situation. So i stop talking as often.
But it still hurts so badly when you share with them and they don't respond at all.
28 months struggling with infertility.
I've realized more and more lately that the only times I talk to my friends is when I contact them. When I ask how they or their kids are, or when I just share news with them. No one asks how I am doing anymore.
It's also extremely difficult to try to maintain friendships when what they are living with, their good days and their bad days are a constant reminder of what you are missing out on. When their child's birthday is the month you would have been due if you got pregnant when you started trying.
I'm sure they must feel that I lack interest in their lives. But that's not true. It's just so painful.
The hurt of infertility is so so painful. And isolating.
It feels as though my emotional struggle is being interpreted by others as me not caring about them anymore. And that's just not true.
Sorry for the rambling but I needed to get this out there. Today I am hurting. I put on a happy front in public, and fall apart in private.
Today I started birth control and scheduled my surgery before we can start ivf.