Losing It! Sorry.May be the longest post ever.Major F words!

[Suz]

Ok....I am not trying to be the downer of BnB history. I am not trying to be a MindyK.

I am just so losing it. Please note that I am on my second bottle of wine.....But I feel that this post is needed for my sanity. As I have posted in the Girly area, I have been going through some major personal issues. At this point I feel that I am about to break. I just dont know how much more I can take.


In September I lost someone to Overian Cancer. That was a 2 year battle. Just recently I learned that My Best Friend has Termanal Colan Cancer.

My Mother-in-Law was arrested of a Feloney.....(Bogus Charge that we will Fight) I posted the bail and am resposable for her going to court.

Now my husband and I are trying to make a family.

I just found out that I have a virus that is linked to cervical cancer. I go in for a Coloscopy on December 14th.

Here is the POINT BREAK FOR MY SANITY. I AM SO FUCKING LOOSING IT. (Sorry for the F word)

My husband and I went to his doctors apointment today...... They found a Heart murmur. They have refured us to a heart doctor. We need to run tests. They think my husband may have a hole in his heart.

WHAT THE FUCK.. THIS IS MY FUCKEN HUSBAND WE ARE TALKNING ABOUT....WHY.
WHY
WHY
HE IS MY FUCKING ROCK.
I LOVE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH
I CANT TAKE THIS
WHY HIM
WHY NOT ME
THIS IS SO NOT RIGHT
THIS IS MY HEART WE ARE TALKING ABOUT
MY LOVE
MY LIFE
WHAT THE FUCK


I NEED HELP HERE
I DONT THINK I CAN DEAL WITH THIS
I MAY BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH CERVICAL CANCER
BUT NOT MY HUSBAND BEING SICK TOO
THIS IS SO NOT RIGHT.


IM SO SORRY FOR THIS POST. WE ARE VERY QUIET PEOPLE AND THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE FOR ME TO SPEAK.

We had lab work done today. And we go see the heart doctor on the 15th. THE FUCKEN DAY AFTER WE SEE IF I HAVE CERVICAL CANCER. and to top it off the same FUCKEN week we go to court for his FUCKEN MOTHER.

AAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!

 

[Jo]

I'm so sorry hun, for all the shit you are going through
I can't imagine how hard it is for you

I don't have any advice except take one day at a time

we are here for you with loads of hugs and love

 

[loulou1980]

oh suz

 

[KX]

Suz we are all here for you hun

 

[vicky]

aww suz so sorry hunny

 

[ablaze]

suz we are all here 4 u

 

[Cat]

Aw hun this is so awfull for you, I know they say bad luck comes in threes but this is taking the piss!

I dont really know much on the topic but I believe that many people can carry on like normal with a heart murmer and if your husband has been fine so far, there is nothing to say this will cause a prolem for him. The tests are prob more of a check to see if their is any major problem. Aparently 1 in 100 are born with congenital heart defects, which may be picked up on early in life, or go undetected untill a lot later in life, so try to take some comfort in the fact this is relativly common, and may well not be a cause for major concern.

I read your post before with regards to your abnormal cells coming up on your smear test, and again, I cant imagine how scarey this must be for you, but I know a lot of people who have had the same thing, it doesnt mean you have cancer, and by identifying the cancer causing cells early they can treat you to prevent you getting cervical cancer in the future.

I know it must be hard hearing all these bad things at once, you must feel like everything is falling apart, but you have to try to stay positive, you will get through this, and you have the support of all of us here if ever you feel like you need someone to talk too.

Big hugs and go and eat a big bar of chocolate!

 

[Iwantone!!!]

OMG HUNNY WHAT A SHIT WEEK KEEP UR CHIN UP

 

[Wobbles]

Quoting Cat:
"I know it must be hard hearing all these bad things at once, you must feel like everything is falling apart, but you have to try to stay positive, you will get through this, and you have the support of all of us here if ever you feel like you need someone to talk too."

Suz I second what Cat has said sweety & I am thinking about you so much I read this when I got up & I felt so gutted for you I didn't know how to reply! Here as much as you need us to be & as much as we can!

x x x

 

[ImTheDaddy]

Suz,

People can have a full and fruitful life with a whole in the heart.

There are Sports Stars which have a hole in the heart and perform at the peak of their profession, this includes Football (SOCCER) players, Athletes, etc.

Wait until you've seen the Doc's and have the facts.

TRY NOT TO GO MAD!
GOOD LUCK

 

[Tootsie]

1001 for you hun.

I have in the past been through shit of my own i must say i dont think it was as bad but one day i may feel the need to rant too.

Fingers crossed for you for that week. As some of the others said though it may not be as bad as you are thinking. My sister had abnormal cervical smears and it was deemed as important enough for her to go for 3 monthly smears after to keep an eye on the abnormality. After about a year and a half it all just went away and her cervical smears were normal.

I do hope for your sanity as you put it that every thing runs smoothly with no hiccups and that all the tests for both yourself and your husband work out fine and i do hope you win the case for your mother too.

another just to cheer you up

 

[Tam]

SUZ

I am so sorry babe, just take it one step at a time and see what happens, but TRY not to send yourself mad in the meantime!

I found a lump not long after my Mum died from Breast Cancer, I have to go the the marsden tomorrow as I had a second scan a few weeks ago and I think they are talking about removing it now, but they are 99% sure it is nothing to worry about, but they are being extra causious due to my Mum's history. But I had to wait about 2 weeks to get any form of results once going to my GP, and it worried me like mad meanwhile, it did me no good at all, and didn't help!

Me & my sister both have heart murmors, but no hole in the heart, so that too is possibe, just wait to get results.....I know that is easier said than done. but worrying solves nothing, nor does it help, and it could all be for nothing in the end, which I am so hoping is the case for you both!

I am thinking of you babe! x

 

[Suz]

Thanks guys....Im sorry for this mad post. I was very down yesterday. I talked to my mom for along time last nignt. I feel a bit embarresed because I had some wine. Well Today I woke up (with a head ach) but felt so much better. I just needed to release all the built up stress. It is hard to put on a brave face and be strong when so much is going on. But I am so better today.

PLUS SANTA IS COMING SOON AND I HAVE BEEN TOLD IT WOULD BE A GREAT CHRISTMAS FOR ME THIS YEAR!

Thanks again.

 

[Yvonne]

Awwww Hun, i can't begin to imagine how you are feeling apart from the HPV thing ut i want to give you a big hug ....... There you go!

 

[Wobbles]

Don't you dare say sorry hun his was not a 'mad' post - It was a post from the heart an a lil of support needed WE love you x

 

[Suz]

Thanks Wobbles. I have felt so much better ever since........Now it is Friday!