Lost my baby boy at 15 weeks :-(

[lorraine137]

Its my first time posting here, and I have never felt so sad in all my life.
Its been 3 weeks since I miscarried, and I feel so confused. On the 4th March during the night,I remember getting a cramp like feeling but it wasn't painful just uncomfortable(like a stomach ache). I put it down to ligaments stretching, but thought to be on the safe side I would go to the hospital for a check up to see if everything was okay.
Roll around Saturday afternoon and I took myself off to the hospital. I was in there for a few hours and the registrar scanned me and the last image I saw of my baby was him looking comfortable and his little hands behind his ears. The registrar even used the instrument to check my cervix and concluded that everything looked fine. She did notice that I had a fibroid which was 7cm and said that I was to come back i a few days to get it checked out on another repeat scan. At the end she told me to go home and take a paracetomal and the pain should subside.

Fast forward in the early hours of Monday morning(2am) The pain was still very uncomfortable and I had a sudden urge to go to the toilet. All I felt was a big splash and my waters had suddenly broken. I thought that I had imagined it and the surreal thing was that the pain that I had felt automatically stopped. I hopped back into bed and suddenly felt a trickle and realised that I was bleeding. I was crying and immediately called the ambulance. As I got there a nurse came with the instrument and said that I was going to be having a miscarriage. I couldn't believe what was going on, and had never felt so lonely in all my life.

I got scanned again and the worst thing was that the baby's heart was still beating. I had a glimmer of hope thinking something could be done to save him, but they said there was nothing they could do as the placenta, cord and the membrane had come apart, and that the baby was surrounded with only a little fluid. They took me back to the ward where I had to wait for a few hours to get rescanned, and this time they said baby had died. It was then planned that I would have to go into labour(even typing this seems so unreal).

3 weeks on and I am experiencing emotions that I have never felt. I feel that I am not getting answers and can't get my head around the fact that things changed within that 24 hrs at my last hospital visit. Doctors said that I had experienced contractions which led up to my waters breaking, and as it was my 1st child I wouldn't have known.

I asked the doctors whether my fibroids led to the miscarriage but they say no, but have since had an MRI scan and believe that it must have had something o do with this. I ate well, took my pregnacare, don't drink, smoke, and the week before my miscarriage all my blood test results came back perfect. Even baby was growing well so I am upset and confused.

I am now in the process of planning Baby Adrians funeral, and its so hard as my partner and my mother are not here.

I'm tired of doctors saying that "these things happen" but hard to get my head around as there must be a reason behind something(especially losing a child). I'm also put off by trying again as I am scared witless that this will happen again.

Sorry for the rant. Would love to know if something like this has happened to anyone during the 2nd Trimester, and whether you ever got true answers to the loss of your baby?

 

[lynz85]

i just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss

 

[Semanthia]

 

[SassyLou]

 

[wish2bmum]

Welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry for your loss and the traumatic time you have been through recently. I hope you find that the forum helps and is somewhere you can come and let out your feelings, I too never thought I'd find myself in this section of the forum (who does) but to meet these wonderful laides who also have been through similar or sadly even worse situations gives hope and support. I can guess how you're feeling right now and just wanted to say that I hope you can find the strength to pull through and the answers you need.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so sorry. I lost my baby 3 weeks ago at 18 weeks, they think it was due to trisomy 18 but I still have to wait another 3 weeks for the results. I was supposed to get a D and E but my little angel came out on their own in my bathroom, it was awful. Both the nurses said it was better it happened this way . I got to hold my angel and bury my angel. I know what you are going through and I am so sad and devastated. If you ever need to talk I am around, I am so sorry. xoxoxo

 

[pinklizzy]

 

[Lea8198]

I am so so sorry. This is just so sad Big hugs to you. Take care of yourself xxxx

 

[DorryBird:)]

 

[jojo23]

im so sorry for your loss hun its the hardest thing any woman will ver have to go through. i lost my baby daughter Lily at 22 weeks. we had a 20 weeks scan and could se the heartbeat etc everything was fine. 2 weeks later i had a repeat scan as she had measured small at the first scan (i wasnt sure of my dates) so they wanted to double check everything. unfortunately her little heartbeat had stopped. i gave birth to her 6 days later in the hospital.
i couldnt get any answers other than it was just mother nature taking over which seriously annoyed me. we didn opt for PM as Lily was very small and our midwife said they wouldnt have gotten definite answers and also we wanted to bury her and not have to wait. they did take tissue samples my fluid etc so im still waitin on that to return.

i can tell you things will get better as im sure you have heard a million times, but its honestly true. you will never forget your little Adrian but you will learn to live with it. suround yourself with supportive people and if you feel things are getting to much for you at any time please talk to someone!! you are more than entitled to be upset/angry/hurt/confused/empty etc. dont let anyone make you feel that you should be moving on or that just because you didnt have Adrian in your arms means you should get over it quicker!
we are all here for you hun!!! to you and thinking of you xxxx

 

[emk10]

I am so sorry you are having to go through this x x x

 

[bellaxgee]

I am so sorry

 

[lorraine137]

I want to thank those for being very understanding and supportive through this difficult time.

I'm trying my best to get through each day. Any little thing sets me off now - a song that comes on the radio, or a pregnancy programme on TV.I even avoid going out, and when I did decide to do the food shopping the other day, I've never seen so many pregnant women and newborns babies around the place.

Well the funeral has been booked for the 15th April, and I never thought that I would see the day that I would be burying my baby. I also keep having flashbacks about what took place 3 weeks ago, and I also feel sad that I will never get to know what kind of personality Adrian would have, or whether he would have looked like me or his dad.

I don't know if I am coping well with this, so decided that I would see a counsellor next week.

What annoys me is when they say the 1st Trimester is the tricky stage of pregnancy, and that the 2nd Trimester is the safest period. I just believe its a load of crock.

I was totally blind sided by this miscarriage and don't believe I was taken seriously when I went for a final scan. All I was told was to go home and take a parcetomal. I keep replaying it all in my head, and don't understand why she wouldn't have detected that I was experiencing contractions, especially as she scanned me for a good 20 mins and even checked my cervix.

People need to know the truth, that pregnancy is just a 50/50 chance. I will never ever be completely at ease until I know that when I do decide to try again, that the only time I will relax is when my baby is in my arms.

 

[Skylark]

Im so sorry for your loss...

 

[carly_mummy2b]

 

[Toosudden]

Hi lorraine137, I know this post came from more than three years ago and I hope you have moved on and I apologise for raking up the sad memories. However I miscarried at 15 weeks three weeks ago and while I hv been reading almost every website and forum on second trimester loss, none of the experiences were similar to mine... Until I came upon your post.

Like you, I had a normal pregnancy but started having stomachache pains one weekend. I went to the ER and to my gynae but they sent me home with painkillers as I had no idea that my pains could have been contractions as this was my first pregnancy. I also hv a fibroid like you mentioned. My waters broke late one night in bed and by the time I got to the ER, I was bleeding very badly but the baby had a very strong heartbeat. A scan revealed that nearly all my amniotic fluid had gone and the docs said that the baby wouldn't survive for long. We lost it after two days in hospital. I now know that I had pprom from an infection or my fibroid (my cervix was ok).

My husband and I apologise for being insensitive and realise that you may not be on this forum anymore but if you are, would you be okay to tell us whether you found the cause of your loss and if you have managed to move on successfully after that loss. We just need some reassurance, I suppose. Thank you so much in advance.




My husband and I would like to ask