LTTTC #1 - Support Group *Please share your story

[Myshelsong]

Pebble - Oh No! that is so annoying especially when you have been waiting so freaking long already.

Flou - Big hugs girl. I cant believe the FS is being so strick on the one year rule, if anything they should look at the fact that it took so long to get a bfp in the first place is an issue. One would think it would be worth seeing a different FS and not mentioning a MC. Can you tell your Dr you would like a different referal?

I am waiting for a pathology report regarding what they removed. Once that is in I can have my appointment. I have an appointment booked for Saturday but not sure if the results are in yet .... I am going to call right now! Stupid machine. Oh well hopfully they will call back.
I have been having serious ovary pain the last 3 days feel I have a cyst right now as well!

 

[DESPONDENT]

Hi Ladies, I'd love to join too please

Most of my journey is in my signature, will basically be doing our 5th IUI in August 2013, geez where has the time gone....
We had 3 cycles with an obgyn in 2012 which all ended in He sent me in for a HSG late last year and suspected I had bilateral tubal blockage, which he doubted (suspected techncial error by the radiologist) but did not not confrim with lap surgery - he did 3 IUIs anyways which failed. I should add that I believed this was the case regarding my tubes for 7 months, the emotional torture is indescribable!!!
We then started seeing a fertility specialist in May this year. He was convinced that the manner in which the obgyn did the IUIs was incorrect, so he basically told us he is wiping the slate clean and trying IUIs again and we should consider the first one with him as out first IUI. He suspected I had pcos and immediately sent me in for lap surgery to see what was going on. He discovered very mild endo, but the pocs was so mild he did not even have to treat it. ALSO my tubes were fine!!! he said I was essentially fine and the prognosis was good. He aslo had DH do a SA and turns out he has a varicocele which affects morphology/motility, however surgery is not needed immediately as his numbers were average after sperm wash.
We had our first IUI with the fertility specialist last month (June) and we really thought aht would be a winner as I had 3 great follies , 22/21/18, but sadly not to be Thsi time has really got me bad as my sister in law just announced she is preggers this week! fair enough she is a bit older than me and has also been trying for a bout 2 years, but that still does not help with the horrible resentment I have! if I cant get a with those follies, nothing is ever going to work
Anyways we took a break in July and will be doing our 2nd IUI with this FS in early Aug, dont really have any hope, just going through with it to say I tried everything.
I cant beleive Im going to say this but Im almost jealous of women that have miscarriages/chemical/ectopics etc because at least you know you CAN GET PREGNANT!! and can keep trying. I have never in my life been in such a deep dark hole and hate the horrible nasty mean person I have become, just dont know how to function as a normal person again

 

[flou]

Pbgle and myshelsong thank you for the kind words. Its nice to chat to others who can understand my frustration. Im in England so my referral was done on the nhs and we couldn't afford to go private. Ive decided to wait and see if we can conceive again by october then asked my doc for another referral and hopefully to a different specialist. Fxd it happens before this.

Hi despondent it sounds as if you have had a rollercoaster of a ride. I know what you mean about turning into a person i dont recognise or like. I just want to be me again! I hope the iui in august works for you fxd for a bfp!

Good luck ladies!

 

[LornaMJ]

Pbl_ge sorry you have to wait another two weeks but at least its weeks and not months, one way to look at it And yes I agree I think Chocolate is very much allowed. No datesyet as have to have work up bloods done first and the will have a consent appt where they will give me the drugs. But told it want be longer than 3 months

 

[pipilotta]

Don't give up despondent. LTTTC can be such a hard journey.
It's good to take breaks every now and then!
I also never had a bfp, but watching one of my best friends loosing her daughter at 21 weeks, after another misscarriage I'm glad I didn't experience that kind of pain and loss myself. But I understand what you mean, I sometimes also wish to get a bfp to be reassured that I can conceive at all.
I draw strength from the ladies in the forums, their stories and I feel good not to be the only one to go through this journey.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for August, and hope you will get your bfp.

 

[Ella_Hopeful]

OMG I was on this random forum and there was a woman there that wanted an abortion because she 'has difficult pregnancies' and wasn't ready for another one. Made me so angry!

 

[DESPONDENT]

Thanks for the encouraging words ladies these chats are really my saving grace as I dont think I bring myself to go to see a psychologist even though I probably need it...
I think the worst part is constantly being angry and so full of resentment, this really isnt the person I am and its so upsetting but I cant get around it...

 

[TLB1986]

Flou, sorry your journey has been so hard. I hit my would-have-been-due date in April, and it was really hard. I'm about to hit the one year with no bfp mark sometime in August. Honestly, the long months of repeated failure have been worse than the m/c was. Never thought I'd say that. For me the actual anniversary was worse that the anticipation of it, and the realization of what the milestone meant. So I hope that Monday isn't too bad for you, and that your trip and the spa help you to enjoy your birthday!

Lorna, if you're not allowed coffee or alcohol, I think you can pretty much have unlimited chocolate. At some point this becomes a human rights issue. Do you have an appt date set yet, or is that cycle dependent?

TLB, good luck to you. Do you know when you'll start Femara?

Myshel, when will you see the doc to discuss your lap? You probably already said, but I don't remember. Next week sometime? And will you be testing before then?

As for me, bad news today: gotta take two weeks of birth control to shrink a cyst before I can start the injectables. Oh well. Just more waiting....

My doctor is on holidays until Monday. I'm going to try to get in asap as I want to try if for my next cycle.

 

[TLB1986]

Just found out my HCG levels. I'm miscarrying

I'm so sorry to hear this. Stay strong!!

 

[Myshelsong]

TBL fingers crossed for next cycle.

Des - Totally understand how you feel. I think we are all in the boat. I feel like I am not myself anymore. I use to be lovely really, care free, easy going, giving, funny at times. but now I am a big ball of crazy and I do feel bad for my hubby and i apologize constantly for freaking out for no reason all the time and being so unmoving on certain issues. I think because I cant control this and what is happening with my body that I am trying desperately to control everything else in my life. Which I cannot obviously because people are people and you cannot control them.

Drs appointment on Saturday, hopefully will get some information regardless if the pathology has come in or not. just really want to hear what his impression on my uterus was. I have been having what feels like ovulation pains for the last two cycles for the last week before my af starts so I think I may have a cyst or something like that.

 

[TLB1986]

TBL fingers crossed for next cycle.

Des - Totally understand how you feel. I think we are all in the boat. I feel like I am not myself anymore. I use to be lovely really, care free, easy going, giving, funny at times. but now I am a big ball of crazy and I do feel bad for my hubby and i apologize constantly for freaking out for no reason all the time and being so unmoving on certain issues. I think because I cant control this and what is happening with my body that I am trying desperately to control everything else in my life. Which I cannot obviously because people are people and you cannot control them.

Drs appointment on Saturday, hopefully will get some information regardless if the pathology has come in or not. just really want to hear what his impression on my uterus was. I have been having what feels like ovulation pains for the last two cycles for the last week before my af starts so I think I may have a cyst or something like that.

I just noticed that you live in Edmonton. So nice to see another Alberta Girl on here.

 

[stephrose5]

Hi Ladies. Hoping I can join in. First time EVER posting, so be patient with me lol! I will catch up with the ackronyms soon enough

I have been TTC for 13 cycles now. My husband and I have been trying for so long to not get pregnant, we married last year and decided it was time, and nothing...

The first few cycles we figured, just do it right?? NO... Began charting and did full work up with doctor ~ 3 months in, so 10 months now of full charting and OPK, doc gave us both good assessments.

~4 months ago (month 9 ttc) we got BFP!!! We were overjoyed!! at ~8weeks (2 days before first doc appt), I miscarried I was heartbroken for sure. It took me 2 months to get back on a track with my cycle, last month was the first month we ttc again. Another failed month....I am just so frustrated. I am ovulating tomorrow...hopefully , according to my charting and OPK strips!!!! I get excited for that, but then the two week wait comes, and I am a MESS!! I am so anxious, and then I just get so down on myself. I get upset that I am anxious...for what, another negative pregnancy test???

I see all you other ladies so positive and encouraging....a support system I feel I need, because it cannot be healthy for me or a possible pregnancy to be this negative during 2 week wait...This month I am determine to be positive and uplifting

Also, at what point do I use that big ugly work (infertility) and start talking to my doc about the next option. At first she was really adamant about waiting 12-18 months before looking for help, but after the miscarriage she was really understanding. Her logic was that we CAN get pregnant, but that one just wasn't it*

Who out there is seeking the "next option" what made you decide it was time??? how long is too long to ttc?? Looking forward to help, and am hoping to make some friends who are going through the same thing, it can be lonely in the big world, and hopefully we can help eachother out

 

[dovkav123]

Hi Ladies. Hoping I can join in. First time EVER posting, so be patient with me lol! I will catch up with the ackronyms soon enough

I have been TTC for 13 cycles now. My husband and I have been trying for so long to not get pregnant, we married last year and decided it was time, and nothing...

The first few cycles we figured, just do it right?? NO... Began charting and did full work up with doctor ~ 3 months in, so 10 months now of full charting and OPK, doc gave us both good assessments.

~4 months ago (month 9 ttc) we got BFP!!! We were overjoyed!! at ~8weeks (2 days before first doc appt), I miscarried I was heartbroken for sure. It took me 2 months to get back on a track with my cycle, last month was the first month we ttc again. Another failed month....I am just so frustrated. I am ovulating tomorrow...hopefully , according to my charting and OPK strips!!!! I get excited for that, but then the two week wait comes, and I am a MESS!! I am so anxious, and then I just get so down on myself. I get upset that I am anxious...for what, another negative pregnancy test???

I see all you other ladies so positive and encouraging....a support system I feel I need, because it cannot be healthy for me or a possible pregnancy to be this negative during 2 week wait...This month I am determine to be positive and uplifting

Also, at what point do I use that big ugly work (infertility) and start talking to my doc about the next option. At first she was really adamant about waiting 12-18 months before looking for help, but after the miscarriage she was really understanding. Her logic was that we CAN get pregnant, but that one just wasn't it*

Who out there is seeking the "next option" what made you decide it was time??? how long is too long to ttc?? Looking forward to help, and am hoping to make some friends who are going through the same thing, it can be lonely in the big world, and hopefully we can help eachother out

Stephorse,
I am so so sorry you went through lots of pain.
I am so happy you found us and you'll never be alone!
You'll get lots of advice here. The girls are super caring and supportive! We all need it so much during this horrible time.
I met my husband in Mexican restaurant in 2005 and we were friends for 2 years, in 2007 we feel in love and I moved in with him. We got married in May 2011. From 2007-2011 november we used a pull out method, it is not reliable, but we thought if we get preg, we'll be happy. But we never did. After 7 months of trying my family dr. reffered me to a gynecologist, but I didn't go because we left USA and came to Germany. I thought that new location will help us to conceive, I didn't chart for a half a year. When we couldn't pregnant for 18 months, I decided to go to dr. in Germany. I found on the internet a gynecologist close by, but when I went to the appointment, I found out that she was a firtility specialist. That's great! Straight to the point! Angels helping me!
Firtility screening tests are not going smoothly so far. First procedure failed because my cervix was closed, and second procedure was canceled because my period was not ended yet. I will have hysteroscopy this Wednesday on a day before my O. I don't think we can try natural this month. I'll ask my DR.

My DH tells me to wait and my destiny also slowing me down(tests), and my body showing me bunch of signs that it is healing (my periods are lighter, I have no PmS, and maigranes, I have a regular O each month)...All those 3 things are driving me crazy!. His dad is the reason why my dh kind of agrees with natural IVF. He is 92 and he will be so happy to meet the baby!
this moment was the happiest ever!My dh last night told me that he was afraid to have a child till now. If he can handle his ill father, he can handle a child too. Changing daipers are not so difficult! P.S I told him a year ago, when we both want a child, we'll have it! (because he was not sure at that time)
I agree with my destiny! Maybe I had to heal my uterus and prepare it for the baby first and than get pregnant. Sometimes pushing things won't take you forward. We need to wait for the right time, the right place, the right emotinal state...
I am doing August IVF and nobody will change my mind! It is our time!
Have a wonderful weekend!
Thanks for reading

 

[LornaMJ]

Just wanted to have a quick rant I have also ranted in my journal!! So going to have a rant! I was part of a pvt group on Facebook for ladies in NZ going through infertility and IVF. Yesterday someone had a rant about how a woman with 6 children all by different partners was about to have public IVf as her DH was infertile....this I could understand however one of the replies said that they also disagreed with "immigrants" getting public IVf when they haven't paid enough taxes etc and then more people jumped to say they agree especially if they are not citizens yet!! Well that is ME how dare someone tell me that I do not deserve the chance at IVF over anyone else. Suffice to say I quit the group I was soooo upset! Even when people are going through this journey they still only think about themselves. Rant over!!!!

Oh to top it off AF reared its ugly head yesterday!!!!

 

[Myshelsong]

Lorna - that sucks. dont let it get you down, everyone has their own opinion and they are obviously upset because they are still on the waiting list. It is nothing personal and regardless of what they think you are getting it done!

So got official news from my gynecologist. I am officially classified as Unexplained. There is no endo, no PCOS everything looks fine, tubes are open ovaries are great. I just cant get pregnant. I am being referred to a fertility specialist which is great but will take 6 months - 1 year. So heartbroken and tired of this journey. Think I am going to have to take a couple of months off of TTC and refocus on myself, getting healthy and working on my relationship with my hubby. FX we will get a positive before the FS, but I am not getting my hopes up anymore. I will keep checking up but thought you should know will not be around so much.

Good luck all and wishing you lots of baby dust!!!

 

[pipilotta]

Just wanted to have a quick rant I have also ranted in my journal!! So going to have a rant! I was part of a pvt group on Facebook for ladies in NZ going through infertility and IVF. Yesterday someone had a rant about how a woman with 6 children all by different partners was about to have public IVf as her DH was infertile....this I could understand however one of the replies said that they also disagreed with "immigrants" getting public IVf when they haven't paid enough taxes etc and then more people jumped to say they agree especially if they are not citizens yet!! Well that is ME how dare someone tell me that I do not deserve the chance at IVF over anyone else. Suffice to say I quit the group I was soooo upset! Even when people are going through this journey they still only think about themselves. Rant over!!!!

Oh to top it off AF reared its ugly head yesterday!!!!

everyone going through infertility deserves to be treated with respect, and remarks like that make me mad
Luckily most people in New Zealand are not like her. She obviously forgot that most of the inhabitants are immigrants. Small minded people who don't think before they open their mouth.
Don't let it bring you down too much, there are more important things than getting upset about sad people like her

 

[pipilotta]

I'm sorry myshel that you are unexplained! Fingers crossed that it will happen before your appointment!

 

[LornaMJ]

Lorna - that sucks. dont let it get you down, everyone has their own opinion and they are obviously upset because they are still on the waiting list. It is nothing personal and regardless of what they think you are getting it done!

So got official news from my gynecologist. I am officially classified as Unexplained. There is no endo, no PCOS everything looks fine, tubes are open ovaries are great. I just cant get pregnant. I am being referred to a fertility specialist which is great but will take 6 months - 1 year. So heartbroken and tired of this journey. Think I am going to have to take a couple of months off of TTC and refocus on myself, getting healthy and working on my relationship with my hubby. FX we will get a positive before the FS, but I am not getting my hopes up anymore. I will keep checking up but thought you should know will not be around so much.

Good luck all and wishing you lots of baby dust!!!

Wish I could its because she is not on the waiting list but she has already had IVF funded. Either way though am now fine about it!!

Sorry to hear you are unexplained! Like you say it's important to concentrate on your relationship with your DH. It may be worth trying something like acupuncture just to help you with the stresses. I am sure you will have your BfP soon and I am sending lots of positive vibes you get it before you see the FS

 

[flou]

myshelsong. I think that must be the most frustrating diagnosis.

 

[pipilotta]

I think I ovulated yesterday, never had so much pain what felt like from both sides, usually I have only pain on one side.
Nice temp spike today, I hope we get lucky despite trying for so long. Dh is out of town for work, so nothing more I can do this month.