Kat yes please recommend. Your mother sounds uncannily like mine, just add in the alcohol addiction. I have drastically reduced the time I spend with her or talk to her on the phone, dh put his foot down when I would come off the phone every time in tears. Most the time I have it straight in my head that we won't ever have a good relationship but every now and again I just wish she could be there for me, mainly through this journey. She doesn't even know about our losses. The sad thing is her mum is exactly the same so I've cut her out of my life entirely. She refused to come to my wedding because I forgot to send her a birthday card!!!!
I do feel guilty though, mum certainly makes me feel it!
Dz Yep hoping it's going to make me a much better mum. I believe that what has happened in my life has shaped me into who I am today and will help me be the best mum I can
Sorry to hijack the thread, it is nice to meet someone who understands Kat x
I've been avoiding talking to mine as much as possible as well. On the phone she just babbles on about how much she doesn't like foreigners in this country (she was born in Denmark) or about stocks or whatever else she's interested in. Or she talks about how none of my siblings talk to her anymore and can't understand it, despite the fact she had it coming and behaved horribly towards them. I barely get a word in edgewise. It's almost worse when DH and I visit her as she'll talk to him and almost completely ignore me.
Mine doesn't get my TTCing issues, she just tells me constantly she can't understand it because all she had to do was iron a pair of men's underwear and boom, she was pregnant (she had 6 kids with 6 different men, one from an affair)
She tells me constantly I just need to relax and I'll get pregnant
Don't tell her about your losses (so sorry to hear about them), it's just emotional ammunition to them. I try and avoid talking about anything that's emotionally relevant to me because she'll just use it to hurt me in some way. I clearly remember how upset she was when her pets died over the years but when I lost my previous cat in October 2012 and was upset, she told me I was being overly dramatic and pretty much told me to get over it and that we should've euthanized our cat long ago because she was blind
She poo-poos everytime she's done something appalling to me yet if I just respectfully try to set boundaries when she's being too controlling, she flips out and screams all sorts of nasty stuff at me. And when we've had a row, she'll silent treatment me for weeks on end and then call and act like nothing happened. When I've tried to talk about what happened last time, she'll either claim to not remember or say she didn't do anything wrong and nothing will make her budge. She
never does anything wrong in her opinion, not even when she once told me I have no heart (with a big smile on her lips) or when I tried to visit her for her birthday some years ago after another phone conversation went wrong, she slammed the door in my face
Yes I think it's often an evil circle thing, NPD mothers will often create NPD daughters. I think my mother's mother had the same affliction although I've never met her, the stories just make it sound like that's what was the issue. My mother was about not to come to my wedding because I failed to fawn over her because she was sick and said she couldn't do more work on my dress and when I sugested my future MIL could maybe finish it, she flipped and told me she'd finish the dress but wouldn't come to my wedding and hoped me and DH had a horrible life together
She's also refused to come to one of my birthdays because she claimed we were seeing more of DH's family than her (this was high season for birthdays in DH's family, something she knew) and that she was sick of it and DH wasn't welcome in her home anymore and she wasn't coming to my birthday
So your grandmother could very well also be suffering from the same sickness. You have
nothing to feel guilty about, it's
her that can't appreciate what a wonderful daughter and woman you are, it's
all on her! I've been there, don't give her that power, take it back. And if you need to take a break from her or even go no contact for your emotional and mental health, than do so. I actually think it might be a good idea to take a break from her while you're in therapy.
Having a mother with NPD is a nightmare. These women are emotionally stunted at age 6 and
never grow or learn. It's like being raised by a toddler.
As to books on NPD, I'd start with:
"Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers" by Dr. Karyl McBride Ph.D.
and
"Mothers Who Can't Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters" by Susan Forward
and
"Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life" by Susan Forward
For some self-help (until you've found a therapist), I've found this one to be good:
"Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents" by Nina Brown EdD LPC
Also worth looking into are:
"You're Not Crazy - It's Your Mother!: Understanding and Healing for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers" by Danu Morrigan
Avoid Danu's website though as I've heard many have bad experiences but the book is good for learning about NPD.
They're part of the reason she's an insecure mess!
It sounds a bit quick for a side effect though
You're not stressed or nervous when you take them, are you? Maybe ask your RE/GP?
I guess I'll see on 3/18 if his theory is right or not.
He actually did it but was afraid of doing it wrong. So 2 follies in the process of being released
I don't know how I would handle it other than try and have some happiness for them
