LTTTC & Assisted Conception Section Guidelines

[FJL]

I too don't want to get in a slanging match either but in my defense, I do admit i'm hostile, but I am that way for a bloody reason!!!

If every single person was 100% supportive, watched what they said and refrained from inappropriate comments I doubt I would be so cynical towards others.

I would much prefer to be lucky enough to have had a child without this shocking journey and be offended by LTTTC'ers, than to be a LTTTC'er offended by some of the uncalled for remarks, many of which I have received.

 

[Mynxie]

I think maybe a private forum could be good, - I didn't write about my fertility appointments cause anyone could read them, I know that sounds a bit dodgy, but I felt a little uncomfortable especially with the stuff that happened when I first joined BnB.

I like the sigs and tickers, but if I'm honest, the tickers with the baby's progression in them, I found them hard to look at not long after I MC'd last year. Obviously they're fantastic when you are pregnant and you get really excited n stuff, - I know I did, but if you're having a down day they're a little stingy. So maybe a reminder that you can opt to turn the sigs off, but not a restriction, - just a reminder in the rules?

I like the idea of only LTTTCers voting though, or at least an option for it, because like someone already said, some issues you have different opinions on depending on your circumstances.

 

[Farie]

I don't really have a right to comment on here as we have only been TTC for 10 months, but DF has had testicular cancer and associated treatments so we are aware that our journey may be longer. I don't tend to discuss this on the forums as its a private matter for him.
I have to say that I think the LTTTCers are so very supportive to one another and I really do hope I have never offended anyone of I have posted a reply.

However, as someone who is likely to move over her in a short while I do sort of sometimes feel a bit intimidated on this board, I know crass replies must be so irritating/hurtful/frustrating but it kinda feels like them is a bit of 'them and us' - as I hit the 12 month mark am I suddenly demoted from being a 'fertile' and therefore accepted on this board?

I think a private forum could be good - but might it increase the divide?

*toddles off an hides under a rock as is scared she's offended someone. Which really really was not my intention*

 

[Mynxie]

I don't really have a right to comment on here as we have only been TTC for 10 months, but DF has had testicular cancer and associated treatments so we are aware that our journey may be longer. I don't tend to discuss this on the forums as its a private matter for him.
I have to say that I think the LTTTCers are so very supportive to one another and I really do hope I have never offended anyone of I have posted a reply.

However, as someone who is likely to move over her in a short while I do sort of sometimes feel a bit intimidated on this board, I know crass replies must be so irritating/hurtful/frustrating but it kinda feels like them is a bit of 'them and us' - as I hit the 12 month mark am I suddenly demoted from being a 'fertile' and therefore accepted on this board?

I think a private forum could be good - but might it increase the divide?

*toddles off an hides under a rock as is scared she's offended someone. Which really really was not my intention*

good point about increasing the divide... I mean I post in both sections but tbh there is a divide, whereas people should feel it's their choice as to if/when they join here not a "you haven't been TTC for 12 month" iykwim - I know it's not intentional but I am ware that some people may feel like that

 

[FEDup1981]

I'm not sure who you meant when you said I do feel your pain and frustration, maybe not as much, but i do care, and would gladly change it all in a heart beat if i could ... incase you meant me I had a tough one but I beat it with success and nervously another on way.

I meant all women who are TTC, and especially those who have been for many years. I wish i could change the fact that some women have difficulties, because its so unfair...this is what us women are here to do...procreate. And id love us all to get a long because stress really doesnt help.

Wobbles - i dont know your story but i see that you have a gorgeous lil girl, and congrats on ur pregnancy, and i bet ur an inspiration to other LTTCers, and give them hope.

TTC this time round feels no different to when i tried for my first. I still feel that longing, yearning, frustration. It gets no easier, but i am thankful for my son.

I hope the wait isnt too long for you all xxxx

 

[FEDup1981]

I don't really have a right to comment on here as we have only been TTC for 10 months, but DF has had testicular cancer and associated treatments so we are aware that our journey may be longer. I don't tend to discuss this on the forums as its a private matter for him.
I have to say that I think the LTTTCers are so very supportive to one another and I really do hope I have never offended anyone of I have posted a reply.

However, as someone who is likely to move over her in a short while I do sort of sometimes feel a bit intimidated on this board, I know crass replies must be so irritating/hurtful/frustrating but it kinda feels like them is a bit of 'them and us' - as I hit the 12 month mark am I suddenly demoted from being a 'fertile' and therefore accepted on this board?

I think a private forum could be good - but might it increase the divide?

*toddles off an hides under a rock as is scared she's offended someone. Which really really was not my intention*

Good point, and i too feel that divide, and certainly wouldnt feel welcome in 3months time

 

[genkigemini]

Maybe it is just me (and maybe I am one of the worst ) but I never really realized that the "regular TTC" gals felt so divided. I know that many of us do not post in the regular boards because it is hard to make friends and see them all move on over and over and over and feel left behind. It is easier to talk to people that understand what you are going through so that is what we do.

As far as new people coming in, I do not necessarily think that we have a "12 month TTC and over" rule or anything. I think people just join when they realize that it is time for them and in every post I've seen, we welcomed people with open arms.

If I have offended anyone, I sincerely apologize but I have been TTC since 1999 and my patience can get thin with heartless statements. It is nothing personal, I promise but I will check my posts.

 

[genkigemini]

*toddles off an hides under a rock as is scared she's offended someone. Which really really was not my intention*

You will be welcome here anytime, dear!

 

[Farie]

thank you

 

[lola]

I am so pleased to come back on and see such lovely comments, I have been pushing my hoover around wondering whether to come back on and post anything mostly because I just really wanted to say that every one in LTTC has been so wonderful to me and made me feel incredibly welcome.

I must admit though there is a part of me that completely understands the need for a private section for LTTCers whether it is for private/personal appointments or to air feelings openly. For me I think everyone is saying the same thing, it is great to have an open forum where everyone can be supportive and ask questions, make positive posts etc, but there is also a need for the privacy to express your feelings with people who will understand and not judge you for them.

I think what I am trying (in a very long and rambly sort of way sorry ) to say is that those feelings that I am sure many LTTCers get are not always those you would want to share where you will be judged, i.e. when my sister fell pregnant and 'they weren't even trying' I wanted to scream and cry and generally have a paddy but I understand that it not socially acceptable (at least not in a restaurant!), however those feelings are very real and painful and it is healthy to be able to share, if not even essential. But also in the same vein I recognise that my feelings and opinions can hurt others without meaning to and its a shame when everyone gets upset. I would certainly want to prevent my sister from knowing the depth of those feelings (mainly because her pregnancy hormones would probably leave her sobbing for a week, or with a knife in her hand!) so perhaps what I am trying to say is it would be great to create a safe private section where those feeling etc can be aired without judgement and without the risk of offense at the same time?

I hope everyone can come to a happy conclusion and thank you to all of you in this forum who have made me so welcome

 

[Freya]

I wholeheartedly support a private 'locked' forum for LTTTC'ers, so private information can be shared and emotions vented. I dont purposely visit the LTTTC forum, but will usually click on the 'unread post' options when I log in and so all posts are up for public perusal by anyone - and therefore all members of b & b have the potential to be offended, and to cause offence themselves.

 

[Wobbles]

I don't really have a right to comment on here as we have only been TTC for 10 months, but DF has had testicular cancer and associated treatments so we are aware that our journey may be longer. I don't tend to discuss this on the forums as its a private matter for him.
I have to say that I think the LTTTCers are so very supportive to one another and I really do hope I have never offended anyone of I have posted a reply.

However, as someone who is likely to move over her in a short while I do sort of sometimes feel a bit intimidated on this board, I know crass replies must be so irritating/hurtful/frustrating but it kinda feels like them is a bit of 'them and us' - as I hit the 12 month mark am I suddenly demoted from being a 'fertile' and therefore accepted on this board?

I think a private forum could be good - but might it increase the divide?

*toddles off an hides under a rock as is scared she's offended someone. Which really really was not my intention*

You have every right comment farie *hugs*

Although this is ltttc it isn't soley ...this section is also for assisted conception because not everyone hits 12+ months before knowing they have problems that may effect fertility.

This is where I am stuck basically 'the divide' I really don't wish to do that.

 

[Farie]

Thank you
I totally understand what you mean, it's a bit of a rock and a hard place situation
May be since there has been a lot of 'chat' about LTTC and why the section is there etc it may have settled things out? It might self balance (argh there is a phrase for that but I cannot remember it! )
It does seem a shame to have a section that you have to have 'permission' to join ... yet I do understand why some of the LTTC ladies would like a area they feel is 'their own'


*toddles off after offering everyone cookies*

 

[genkigemini]

May be since there has been a lot of 'chat' about LTTC and why the section is there etc...

Really? I had no idea there was 'chat'. Man... I am so out of the loop. LOL

 

[Farie]

Really? I had no idea there was 'chat'. Man... I am so out of the loop. LOL

Hehe ... not 'chat' as in chat room - but I know I have wondered out loud about when TTC becomes LT and I know others have mentioned the same - also this whole thread might have aired feeling?

Oh dear ... have I offended people now?

out before she put her foot back in her mouth ...

 

[genkigemini]

LOL... Farie, I think you are the least offensive person on this board. LOL

Did I come off offended? God, I hope not! LOL... more just commenting on being out of the loop. HAHA!

 

[CurlySue]

I think in some ways there is always going to be a divide. People who have been trying forever cannot relate to those who get pregnant in their first month and I know that a lot of us rarely bother with the TTC section because it seems to us like we don't know anyone in there.

Since I started fleeting about almost all of the people have moved from TTC to 1st Tri and upwards and it makes me feel very 'left behind' - and that is why I now stick to this board and this board alone.

We're all in the same boat. We all understand each other. We all know what it is to feel jealous of those who get pregnant in that first six months and though we would like to be good people and pretend that we don't the fact is, the majority of us are green with envy.

Its not hostility. it's emotion. It's thick, deep, sickening emotion that we feel because we can't be like that. We can't join in. We can't feel the same way as those who are fertile because we reached a point where we can no longer relate to them.

For some people, the divide was drawn the minute we realised we were not fertile. For others, they are fine to go on as normal. To cross that divide. To venture into the territory of those with no problems. And, that is fine.

But, I know I feel divided by default simply because every time another newbie gets pregnant I feel utterly sick and sorry for all of us who did not.

One thing that upsets me is those who get pregnant, who come into the LTTTC section and post a "good luck" post. I know that I am more touchy than some but, if that person is not known to us, has never been in this section before, has never posted in it, has never suffered infertility then it's like a pregnant stranger walking up to me in the street saying "I'm pregnant. See? I hope soon that you will be as blesssed and as graced and as lucky as I am."

I know they mean well but, it's upsetting. I can't even explain why.

Telling us to relax should be forbidden. We don't WANT to relax. Relaxing doesn't work. We've tried it. Telling us all to chill out is tantamount to treason, in my opinion.

Giving us advice when they got pregnant in the first three months (i.e. "put your legs in the air, use pre-seed etc") just seems patronising because we've tried all of that.

I just don't know how it can be fixed.

To be honest, I'd prefer this section just to be private. I'm being perfectly honest, here, and I know it sounds harsh - but, I just don't feel like I relate to all the pregnant people who come on here to wish luck, to give advice, to flash their tickers around and spread the baby dust.

God I'm a bitch.

But, i AM bitter. And I just like the fact that all of the people on this section know EXACTLY how I feel and will not judge me for said bitterness. I have felt this way since the whole fiasco of last week. I know there were apologies, and I accept those, but it made me realise that those who have no problems simply cannot understand how we feel. And it made me not really want to go onto their forum and ruin their fun, and for them not to be allowed onto this one and make us feel like we are wrong for feeling as shitty as we do.

Does ANY of that make sense?

 

[genkigemini]

CurlySue, I am right there with you, Honey! I agree with what you said!

 

[brownhairedmom]

I'm not here to "flash my ticker around" or anything.

I just want to say that I've watched my cousin go through LTTTC for 5 long years, and I do think that the idea of the split board is probably the best option. Some people do have legitimate questions that deserve to be answered. The LTTTCers also have issues that they want to keep private and just discuss amongst themselves. Maybe if the main part of the sub-forum was the general question asking/answering part, and up at the top where there is normally stickies..have that locked like the girly sanctuary for the LTTTCers who want to rant and bitch to each other and offer support without sharing it with the whole forum and every guest who waltzes in.

 

[genkigemini]

Rae, nice bump! So cute...

Anyway, you should invite your cousin to join us. Moral support is always a good thing.