LTTTC & Assisted Conception Section Guidelines

[pixielou]

I think that the sections should be specific but not to the xtent of one for pcos, endo etc as they are all complications (whether known or not) that relate to LTTTC. I do however think that the secondary infertility section may be welcomed. I also think the ticker business is confusing. I mean if some one wants to wish us well and it happens that they are pg then I don't understand how that is a problem if their ticker is on there!
Likewise if someone from ttc or who is pg says something that we dislike the only other think to do is just ignore it. It is just so hard to bars on public forum especially as people have the freedom of speech ans as we all know things can be misenterpreted(?)

 

[CurlySue]

There is freedom of speech and there is blatant insensitivity though, pixie. Telling us we are feeling sorry for ourselves, etc, that is something we should not have to read. We come here as a safe haven because people understand our hurt during this whole unsuccessful journey. When people say the wrong things it just makes it hurt even more. It's hard to ignore.

The ticker thing, I ignore that. What I find really difficult is people who none of us know coming here to wish us luck when they do not know us, when they are already pregnant, etc. It just feels patronising.

It's like someone at school passing their exams and then going to the Special Educational Needs class and saying "good luck, hope you all do as well as me."

Fair enough, people who have been in here, get pregnant and want to wish us well. But what if it's a person we do not know? If nothing else, it's annoying.

 

[Wobbles]

Tickers can be upsetting regardless if the member with the ticker wants to upset or not which lets face it I highly doubt however that doesn't mean others can't feel upset and low seeing these. There are forums out there who completely ban the use of GAGA tickers & I see why in some way yet trying to please all purposes of our forum is hard.

Its not about freedom of speech either (this section) its about making those who are on a more sensitive journey feel comfortable - nothing wrong with that! This area is to used with common sense by all.

There will not be a divide in problems either like PCOS, IVF section etc We have also decided not to divide this section by creating a secondary infertility section.

 

[magicvw]

OK Wobbles!

Any chance we can have a secondary infertility sticky thread like the 30s/40s club then? Just a little place where we can find each other amongst the ever growing numbers on BnB?

 

[Millnsy]

I am liking the primary and secondary sections idea. Having tentatively come on this section with primary infertility and not really sure what the problem was, I feel that lots of different sections would have been confusing, devisive and ultimately not as helpful as it has been for me. However, I acknowledge that I am not as far down the line as those with secondary infertility so can see the need to separate.

Does that make sense or am I waffling?!

 

[CurlySue]

Just having this forum be somewhat private would be enough, I think. How we are affected is not important, it's the fact that we are affected at all.

 

[Wobbles]

OK Wobbles!

Any chance we can have a secondary infertility sticky thread like the 30s/40s club then? Just a little place where we can find each other amongst the ever growing numbers on BnB?

Sorry hun that sounded very blunt in my last reply I didn't mean it to be at all, not for a second just things have been wizzing round pros cons etc & I don't want to divide you girls I do however want to make it in the guidelines that this section is here for secondary infertility just as much as any other journey - I can't imagine its any less painful. We don't want to put you in yoru own corner so to speak ...I was up for it but OH made some good points (don't tell him I said though lol)!

A sticky sounds like a plan though - yer think we will when we finalise what we're doing

 

[Wobbles]

Just having this forum be somewhat private would be enough, I think. How we are affected is not important, it's the fact that we are affected at all.

That sums up out thinking right not in a better way than I could have worded it!

I don't think divide is good for that reason above x

 

[Mynxie]

just a little suggestion... if there's going to be a locked LTTTC section, maybe there should be a mini-mod, and they could ask people who post in the general unlocked LTTTC section and TTC if they want access and they could relay the message to admin? (as well as obviously having an "ask admin for access message" like girly room

That way, no one is going to be left out after posting in LTTTC and there won't be a huge divide

like I said though, only a suggestion, cause hopefully that would discourage the divide?

 

[pixielou]

hmm, maybe I was not understood. I didn't mean that I agree with people who come on here saying whatever they choose but really just to state that it's very difficult to stop!
Soz, if I offended you!!

 

[waiting4u]

It almost sounds like we are all now turning on each other! My opinion, for what it is worth, sometimes, you do need to take out all the emotion on these sites and have a fact only section. A section where anybody can reply to your question whether by knowledge or by experience. My 4 year TTC journey is just as difficult as my best friends 3 month TTC journey - she is just getting over cancer, 1 year in remission, wondering if she will ever be a mum now because of her treatment but she would not qualify for LTTTC section? Some sites remove tickers but people post huge pictures of their babies (and rightly so) but those babies faces upset me more than a ticker! Some days I can deal with whatever people say, other days in the depths of my IVF treatment putting me in menapause, I cannot.

My point here is generally, I like to believe the best in people. I really do not think that anybody, whether TTC 3 months, 3 years, 5 years, TTC #2 or got pregnant yesterday with twins is on here to upset me...intentionally.

 

[FJL]

I pretty much started this whole debarcle and now i'm just feeling like i'm better off leaving the board and sticking to my IVF forums where I know that everyone understands me and doesn't think i'm a bitch because of how I feel.

When I said LTTTC = 12months + trying...well, it is! That is what the Drs say and i'm sure this won't go down well, but trying for that amount of time (and then some) is very different to trying for only a few months.

I feel very misunderstood and I don't expect people who haven't been where i've been to understand, so perhaps its better for me to stick with those who do.

I hope whatever happens with this section that it works out for you all.

 

[Arcanegirl]

This is a section for LTTTCers AND assisted conception which can happen before the 12 month mark if there are already known problems.
Both are very welcome in this section.

FJL you would be missed if you were to leave, your input is invaluable to alot of people here

 

[Sinead]

FJL - I personally don't think you should leave BnB if you are happy here. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and each one is as important as the next.

You have been a great source of help to others in regards to what you have been though and helping others understand what may happen to them in the future.

Sending you loads of hugs and all the best with your journey and hopefully in the near future it will bring you a bundle of happiness xxxx

 

[MissAma]

This may sound dumb but where is all the perceived negativity? Am I missing something that goes on in PMs or the chatroom because here on this thread it only looks like a place where people politely put their views across, IMO.

 

[Wobbles]

LTTTC is long term TTC I see what your saying & have said FJL what was saying & what others appeared to misunderstand is this section is for LTTTC and assisted conception other known problems ...

Don't be silly about leaving yur much welcome & you made good points even if they are personal to you *hugs* of course its hard to us how we work this and have decided on a few small guidelines clearly visable within this section above the posts - I personally don't think we/you shoudl 'hide' yoru feelings this is a section mainly used by those who are going through this journey and you rant and blow off steam as and when just like they do in other sections.

Tickers will remain but we will ask that people try to remember turning off their signatures on replies if they have a gaga progress ticker - the bigger % of discomfort about these appears to come from these tickers & some common sense guidelines on 'advice' given in this section ...like the relax comments.

x

 

[Mynxie]

I pretty much started this whole debarcle and now i'm just feeling like i'm better off leaving the board and sticking to my IVF forums where I know that everyone understands me and doesn't think i'm a bitch because of how I feel.

When I said LTTTC = 12months + trying...well, it is! That is what the Drs say and i'm sure this won't go down well, but trying for that amount of time (and then some) is very different to trying for only a few months.

I feel very misunderstood and I don't expect people who haven't been where i've been to understand, so perhaps its better for me to stick with those who do.

I hope whatever happens with this section that it works out for you all.

sweetie, don't go. This section is for LTTTCers and people with known problems, and you're right LTTTC is 12 months plus....and I agree, trying for 3 month is very different to trying for 18 or something and it does piss me off (to be blunt) when someone trying for 6 month put's up "FINALLY - BFP" and I personally think "wtf? finally? - itr's only been 6 months luv, not years!" and maybe I'm a bitch for that, but tbh I don't care!

 

[genkigemini]

I am afraid to post in here now...

FJL - You should not leave!

Mynxie - I totally... TOTALLY hear you on the "Finally BFP" thing.

Wobbles and AG - Thanks for putting up with us crazy hormonal chicks. We love this site and this section of the board is important to us. That is why we are all so opinionated. We appreciate everything you guys do for us! Whatever you decided to do with the LTTTC section, it is fine by me.

 

[rachelle1975]

I agree - FJL don't go, you were really great when you posted some very positive things for me when i had my little wobble a few weeks back!

i guess the thing with the whole 'finally - bfp' after 6 months ttc is....... TTC is stressful no matter how long it takes and i guess most people think that sex without contraception equals babies... at least i'm sure that's what they said at school I guess when people have friends that fall right away and it takes them 6, 9 or even 12 months - it does feel like finally, you know?

At 6 months i felt like it had been forever and now, well now i'd slap myself round the face if i had to go through that again! I guess we just live and learn

Besides FJL... you are my IVF guru i need you to stay!!!

 

[Wobbles]

We'll just be dragging her back ...hey by the hair if needs be!



Anywayyyyyy girls we're going to come up with some guidelines (not even sure that the right word) for this section - they will not be hidden in a thread they will be viewable to everyone the second they enter this section (no excuse for ignorance then).

I don't wish to cut you girls off as much as I understand a lot of what has been said I feel that only seperates you and I really don't think I should do that it feels unfair that you feel you can not vioce your feelings ...You have the right to use this section, vent and let off steam as you wish & I for one believe this part of the forum should be used with more sensitivity than any other section & that shall now be kept a closer eye on.

I hope you understand what I have said/my decision. Go mildly rather than full steam ahead and see how we get on but as I say girlies rant and blow off steam as you please your entitled to this.

x