LTTTC & Assisted Conception Section Guidelines

[Wobbles]

I think in some ways there is always going to be a divide. People who have been trying forever cannot relate to those who get pregnant in their first month and I know that a lot of us rarely bother with the TTC section because it seems to us like we don't know anyone in there.

Since I started fleeting about almost all of the people have moved from TTC to 1st Tri and upwards and it makes me feel very 'left behind' - and that is why I now stick to this board and this board alone.

We're all in the same boat. We all understand each other. We all know what it is to feel jealous of those who get pregnant in that first six months and though we would like to be good people and pretend that we don't the fact is, the majority of us are green with envy.

Its not hostility. it's emotion. It's thick, deep, sickening emotion that we feel because we can't be like that. We can't join in. We can't feel the same way as those who are fertile because we reached a point where we can no longer relate to them.

For some people, the divide was drawn the minute we realised we were not fertile. For others, they are fine to go on as normal. To cross that divide. To venture into the territory of those with no problems. And, that is fine.

But, I know I feel divided by default simply because every time another newbie gets pregnant I feel utterly sick and sorry for all of us who did not.

One thing that upsets me is those who get pregnant, who come into the LTTTC section and post a "good luck" post. I know that I am more touchy than some but, if that person is not known to us, has never been in this section before, has never posted in it, has never suffered infertility then it's like a pregnant stranger walking up to me in the street saying "I'm pregnant. See? I hope soon that you will be as blesssed and as graced and as lucky as I am."

I know they mean well but, it's upsetting. I can't even explain why.

Telling us to relax should be forbidden. We don't WANT to relax. Relaxing doesn't work. We've tried it. Telling us all to chill out is tantamount to treason, in my opinion.

Giving us advice when they got pregnant in the first three months (i.e. "put your legs in the air, use pre-seed etc") just seems patronising because we've tried all of that.

I just don't know how it can be fixed.

To be honest, I'd prefer this section just to be private. I'm being perfectly honest, here, and I know it sounds harsh - but, I just don't feel like I relate to all the pregnant people who come on here to wish luck, to give advice, to flash their tickers around and spread the baby dust.

God I'm a bitch.

But, i AM bitter . And I just like the fact that all of the people on this section know EXACTLY how I feel and will not judge me for said bitterness. I have felt this way since the whole fiasco of last week. I know there were apologies, and I accept those, but it made me realise that those who have no problems simply cannot understand how we feel. And it made me not really want to go onto their forum and ruin their fun, and for them not to be allowed onto this one and make us feel like we are wrong for feeling as shitty as we do.

Does ANY of that make sense?

Pointing out the bits I high-lighted

Your not a bitch your just being honest & no matter what anyone says you have the right to feel bitter not one single person has the right to tell you that is wrong.

Thanks for your post it made perfect sense and gives me/us more to think about.

x

 

[Wobbles]

I'm not here to "flash my ticker around" or anything.

Silly I don't think anyone thinks people purposely come to do that but they can be upsetting depending sometimes on topic & the day the poster is having ...if that makes sense?

Most don't know you can actually turn siggys off in replies not as default but when you press reply or quick reply theres an option below the type box 'Show your signature' which you untick and only on that reply will your signature be hidden. If you look your ticker is no longer showing because I edited and unticked box ...just to show you what I mean x

 

[FEDup1981]

Curly sue - good post, i agree with wobbles that it makes sense.

 

[JASMAK]

I couldn't resist saying my 2 cents here

I really felt like I had a difficult time fitting in anywhere. It is not that people were rude, I never encountered that EVER. But, where does someone with secondary fertility issues and two kids fit in?

On the TTC board, it was hard to hear about so many becoming pregnant all the time. And I am going on 2 years here with tests, fertility drugs and heartache. I just can't relate.

On the LTTTC board, I feel guilty about asking for advice or talking about my heartache, because I am blessed with two kids. No one has EVER been rude to me, but it is just how I feel...like I don't fit in.

My suggestion is, a board specifically for secondary infertility. I want to have the support for my heartache too! I just was prescribed Clomid, but I feel like I have no where to turn to for advice. Again, no one has made me feel unwelcome, but it is me, and how I feel.

 

[magicvw]

My suggestion is, a board specifically for secondary infertility. I want to have the support for my heartache too! I just was prescribed Clomid, but I feel like I have no where to turn to for advice. Again, no one has made me feel unwelcome, but it is me, and how I feel.

I'd like to second that! I feel exactly the same, as I said on the thread about qualifying for this section. There don't seem to be many of us around with secondary fertility issues and it is hard to fit in anywhere. I love my ttc buddies to bits, don't get me wrong, but it is hard to lose a bunch of them to 1st tri every month and I feel almost guilty posting in ltttc because i have a LO already the frustrations are not the same- but they are still bloody frustrating! xxxx

 

[Wobbles]

Maybe we should consider a section for secondry infertility? What do you think? Its more common than people think because once one has had a child they think its easy peasy after.

Hmmmm think on that one too

x

 

[Helen]

I think a private area sounds like a good idea. There are some LTTC vents that you need to say that are not socially acceptable to the rest of the world.

For instance, Lola and your sister, I totally understand that. My brother and SIL announced their pregnancy to my parents the week after we sat them down and told them we needed IVF. It was absolutely one of the worst days of my life, but I didn't want to be like that and my parents were absolutely wrecked by it. Who can you tell but someone who'd understand on here?

How would you decide who could go in though? What would be the rules?

Do you really need a public area if you have a private one?

 

[FJL]

I think a secondary IF section would be great for you girls that are going through that

I also like the idea of an open Q & A type discussion for LTTTC but also a private area but as Helen said, it would be hard to decide who could and couldn't go in there.

God Wobbles, we must be giving you a big headache!

 

[Wobbles]

Yep lol

 

[CurlySue]

Basically, I think a person knows if they belong in this section. If they have to knock on the door to get in then it might actually make them feel safer.

 

[Mendy]

Hello everyone. Been reading everyone's replies and it took me a little while to make a suggestion.

I think so far, the best ideas are to have a private LTTTC section, that way we can vent and complain without feeling like we will be offending all the others who easily conceive.

And I think a separate section for secondary infertility is a good idea as well.

I don't think anyone really understands how hard it is TTC for so long, no one can ever understand unless they have been down this road personally. That's why they may post something and not even know they have offended someone. Having our own private forum can stop this from happening.

 

[AutumnSky]

Hello everyone. Been reading everyone's replies and it took me a little while to make a suggestion.

I think so far, the best ideas are to have a private LTTTC section, that way we can vent and complain without feeling like we will be offending all the others who easily conceive.

And I think a separate section for secondary infertility is a good idea as well.

I don't think anyone really understands how hard it is TTC for so long, no one can ever understand unless they have been down this road personally. That's why they may post something and not even know they have offended someone. Having our own private forum can stop this from happening.

I agree. These seem like the best ideas to me too.

 

[trickytrouble]

Hello everyone... and this is a very nervous hello...

if LTTTC becomes a locked forum, may I request a key?

I have been an invisble lurker since LTTTC was created and an unregistered lurker for the past year however have never really had the guts to post (except in response to curlysue's earlier post) however I feel that I fit right in here (have been ttc since March 2006 with fiance, and 3 years ttc with ex hubby, 5 1/2 yrs in total) and take great solace in this section, even though I don't post. Its comforting to be able to read posts in this section and be able to relate to them so much and also get some great tips and information re fertility treatments, given that I will be going through the same shortly

I have been lucky enough to meet another amazing lady or another site who is going through the same journey so I have a vent buddy, so to speak but have found BNB a wealth of knowledge esp. throughout the past year.

I do not resent pregnant women by any means but as time has gone by and I am getting older (am 32 yrs old) I have become increasingly bitter and have realised that falling pregnant naturally may never ever happen. I am at a depressed stage where I cannot even be around my friend's babies.

Apologies for the long post but as a lurker I may not have much right to post this but think that having a locked forum is an excellent idea and also a secondary fertility section is an excellent idea too !!

I should probably introduce myself properly at some stage (when I get the balls to lol).

I would also like to add that I have been following the journies of many of you women and have nothing but respect and admiration for you, this includes Genkigemini, neyney, maz, krissi, curlysue, magicvw, jasmak, loula and anyone who I have failed to mention.

I wish us ALL the every best of luck.

TTxx

 

[Beckic]

Hi

Just wanted to say that i think that the LTTTC part of BnB is really special - and seems to me to have been rapidly growing over the last few months.
I would hate this part of the forum to start being segregated into different sections if that would reduce the number of people we have to speak to - cos I think if we had a separate forum for secondary infertility, it might follow that those going through assisted for example would want their own one compared to people like me who are still in the investigation stage, and then i suppose it would make sense for girls with PCOS to have a separate bit because they would possibly maybe might feel more comfortable not having to listen to people who have regular cycles (not saying this is the case as dont want to offend anyone and everyone on here is so nice and supportive - but just saying it might happen)

I think that once we start separating off bits of the forum there is a danger that this would start a snowball effect and even more separation - and from a completely selfish point of view - it could reduce the numbers down on each bit so that there wouldnt be so many people to talk to each day. which would be a real as shame - as I for one am on here everyday.


although - whilst i am writing this - i am thinking maybe separation would be better as at least no one would ever get offended cos they could fit in where they most felt comfortable. but i know I for one have never felt that anyone with secondary infertility doesn't belong here - and I have never got the impression that any of the other girls do either.

Oh good grief - I dont know now - this is soooo confusing.

I think its just really sad because this part of the forum has really grown to something that i think is really special and I know I have really appreciated it - and it now could change because of something that happened a few weeks ago when a silly woman from another part of the forum posted something insensitive in one of our threads and really upset us all.....


Bx x x

 

[magicvw]

Hi Beckic! The thing is, if you don't have secondary infertility you can't know whether this or any forum feels welcoming for us! It's not that the ltttc forum is unwelcoming, far from it, it is just that the majority of posts are by those ttc no1 and obviously that is something we don't relate to exactly (although many of us have been there too for obvious reasons!). I don't think having more specialised forums is necessarily divisive. If forums are open, then you can post in whichever one is relevant for whatever post. So, I for example post in ttc, ltttc, & toddlers. Having another one for secondary infertility would just mean a bit more support for us, and not less support for anyone else.
I also don't think it would result in lowering of numbers - if people feel more homegenised as a group, that group is more effective and better at welcoming new members. However, people can still join as many groups as they see fit.

I for one have a lot of questions I want to post in ltttc, but am not particularly interesting in venting my spleen online at this particular moment in my life (who knows what the future will bring tho!) and would welcome a divide along the lines of fact v. emotions.

xxx

 

[Beckic]

Hi Beckic! The thing is, if you don't have secondary infertility you can't know whether this or any forum feels welcoming for us! x

That is very true - sorry

Bx x x

 

[FEDup1981]

My suggestion is, a board specifically for secondary infertility. I want to have the support for my heartache too! I just was prescribed Clomid, but I feel like I have no where to turn to for advice. Again, no one has made me feel unwelcome, but it is me, and how I feel.

I'd like to second that! I feel exactly the same, as I said on the thread about qualifying for this section. There don't seem to be many of us around with secondary fertility issues and it is hard to fit in anywhere. I love my ttc buddies to bits, don't get me wrong, but it is hard to lose a bunch of them to 1st tri every month and I feel almost guilty posting in ltttc because i have a LO already the frustrations are not the same- but they are still bloody frustrating! xxxx

Secondary infertility section would be ideal for me too...great idea girls x

 

[genkigemini]

and then i suppose it would make sense for girls with PCOS to have a separate bit because they would possibly maybe might feel more comfortable not having to listen to people who have regular cycles (not saying this is the case as dont want to offend anyone and everyone on here is so nice and supportive - but just saying it might happen)

Okay... I know I bitch bitch bitch about my irregular cycles but I really do not feel the need for a PCOS section. It really is a small section of the board and LTTTC fits most of PCOS ldies just fine.

Just wanted to add my 2 cents...

Also, Hi, trickytrouble! Don't be shy! Jump right in and post. We do not bite... hard.

 

[CurlySue]

I don't think there should be sub sections for every little thing. TTC with endo and TTC with PCOS are both "trying to conceive with problems" and people who have regular cycles yet do not ovulate regularly or people who have short luteal phases, they are all having problems trying to conceive also.

Separating long term from short term is basically just a comfort thing. It saves people feeling shitty about seeing a million BFPs and wondering why they are not ours. But, everyone who suffers with fertility needs moral support and, we're all in that same boat.

It doesn't matter what our problems are, we are still trying to conceive unsuccessfully, regular cycles or not.

So...yeah. There's no need to go crazy about this. There does not need to be ten billion sub forums when we all fit in the one.

Could we not have a Primary Infertility and a Secondary Infertility section and just leave it at that? That way everyone gets what they need.

We get our privacy and those with secondary fertility do not have to feel guilty about already having kids...

 

[AutumnSky]

I don't think there should be sub sections for every little thing. TTC with endo and TTC with PCOS are both "trying to conceive with problems" and people who have regular cycles yet do not ovulate regularly or people who have short luteal phases, they are all having problems trying to conceive also.

Separating long term from short term is basically just a comfort thing. It saves people feeling shitty about seeing a million BFPs and wondering why they are not ours. But, everyone who suffers with fertility needs moral support and, we're all in that same boat.

It doesn't matter what our problems are, we are still trying to conceive unsuccessfully, regular cycles or not.

So...yeah. There's no need to go crazy about this. There does not need to be ten billion sub forums when we all fit in the one.

Could we not have a Primary Infertility and a Secondary Infertility section and just leave it at that? That way everyone gets what they need.

We get our privacy and those with secondary fertility do not have to feel guilty about already having kids...

Very well put - I agree with everything you've said hun.

x