maintenance NOT through CSA?

[MyFirstNoodle]

Just a quick question for single mummies.

Say the FOB moved about 250 miles away from you and his LO and you went to CSA. Then the FOB emailed you saying that he's not working whilst your trying to get money from him via CSA but the minute you stop with CSA there will be £40 a week in your account without fail would you be happy with that?

Also if FOB rang LO every weekend and came back as much as he can to see LO aswell as picking LO on school holidays and bring LO down to stay with him for a few days and few weeks on summer holidays would you be ok with this?

Thank you ladies xxx

 

[MyFirstNoodle]

anyone please?

 

[MyFirstNoodle]

what do you ladies think? I would really like some opinions please? whether you think this agreement is ok or not please? Would you agree to it? x

 

[lou_w34]

If i understand correctly, what your trying to say is that the fob will quit his job unless the mother stops with the csa? Which is a pretty shitty thing to do in my opinion. £40 a week is not a lot. Why is the fob trying to get out of paying more?? The csa will only take what the fob can afford (if i remember right) so if the fob can spare it, it should be going to his child.

The arrangement for seeing the lo is ok, but if i was the mother in that situation i would still go ahead with the csa. Why should he get away with paying as little as he possibly can? He should want to pay as much as he can. I would probably tell him he can see lo when he's ready to stop being so selfish.

If £40 was genuinley all a fob can afford, then obviously that would be fine, but if they are working it should and would be a lot more. Its absolute bullshit that a man thinks he can get away with paying the absolute minimum, when the mother has to slog her guts out paying for everything, sorry if that sounds harsh, i just dont see why a fob would want to pay as little as possible if he can afford to pay more.

Sorry if i misunderstood the situation.

 

[MyFirstNoodle]

If i understand correctly, what your trying to say is that the fob will quit his job unless the mother stops with the csa? Which is a pretty shitty thing to do in my opinion. £40 a week is not a lot. Why is the fob trying to get out of paying more?? The csa will only take what the fob can afford (if i remember right) so if the fob can spare it, it should be going to his child.

The arrangement for seeing the lo is ok, but if i was the mother in that situation i would still go ahead with the csa. Why should he get away with paying as little as he possibly can? He should want to pay as much as he can. I would probably tell him he can see lo when he's ready to stop being so selfish.

If £40 was genuinley all a fob can afford, then obviously that would be fine, but if they are working it should and would be a lot more. Its absolute bullshit that a man thinks he can get away with paying the absolute minimum, when the mother has to slog her guts out paying for everything, sorry if that sounds harsh, i just dont see why a fob would want to pay as little as possible if he can afford to pay more.

Sorry if i misunderstood the situation.

The CSA worked out FOB money and said that he has to pay £40 a week, so FOB hasn't just made up that figure thats what they said he had to pay.

No he's not working as we have recently moved but I am. I said I would pay the £40 a week until FOB gets a job because if we wait until FOB gets a job there will be back dated payments from CSA and we can't afford that backdated so we said I would pay the money everyweek.

So MOB would still get the same amount but it would be coming from me not the CSA.

But you dont think this is ok? Its just because FOB emailed her last night saying he will make sure the money is in her account every week (I will be payng but she doesnt know that) but he wont do it through csa because he is not working and obviously we didnt want the back dated payments when we could pay it now.

But CSA worked out its £40 a week not us. x

 

[bloodbinds]

I think that's ok. As long as the money was in every week without fail. The minute payments started being late or were missing i would go to CSA. And i would be expected to be updated the minute he got a job or his circumstances changed to make sure he is paying the correct amount that he can afford towards LO.
As long as MOB and FOB are both on speaking terms and have a good relationship (or as good as can be expected) then there is no real reason to go through CSA. Should only do it if FOB is unwilling to make the correct payments towards his LO.

 

[MyFirstNoodle]

I think that's ok. As long as the money was in every week without fail. The minute payments started being late or were missing i would go to CSA. And i would be expected to be updated the minute he got a job or his circumstances changed to make sure he is paying the correct amount that he can afford towards LO.
As long as MOB and FOB are both on speaking terms and have a good relationship (or as good as can be expected) then there is no real reason to go through CSA. Should only do it if FOB is unwilling to make the correct payments towards his LO.

That is totally understandable. But it would be me paying and I'm not a man (I know they can be arseholes) so I wouldnt do that to MOB as I know she needs his money especially now she has a new born baby with another man who she is no longer with. I'm only on shift work and supporting me and OH atm until he finds work but I will make sure money is in the account. She hasn't replied though so I'm a little worried that she wont agree and then we have to wait for FOB to get a job and we will end up with a HUGE back dated debt.... x

 

[lou_w34]

Sorry i should have asked that first

Then i agree with everthing bloodbines said

 

[bloodbinds]

I think that's ok. As long as the money was in every week without fail. The minute payments started being late or were missing i would go to CSA. And i would be expected to be updated the minute he got a job or his circumstances changed to make sure he is paying the correct amount that he can afford towards LO.
As long as MOB and FOB are both on speaking terms and have a good relationship (or as good as can be expected) then there is no real reason to go through CSA. Should only do it if FOB is unwilling to make the correct payments towards his LO.

That is totally understandable. But it would be me paying and I'm not a man (I know they can be arseholes) so I wouldnt do that to MOB as I know she needs his money especially now she has a new born baby with another man who she is no longer with. I'm only on shift work and supporting me and OH atm until he finds work but I will make sure money is in the account. She hasn't replied though so I'm a little worried that she wont agree and then we have to wait for FOB to get a job and we will end up with a HUGE back dated debt.... x

So i'm guessing you're the FOBs partner?

Hopefully she will agree as it seems what is best for her LO. Though does she know that it is you paying? As she might not be too happy with that. The FOB has a moral need to pay for his LO, but his partner has no strings to the LO, and if you two were to break up, the payments would stop and might take a lot of effort and time to set them back up again with FOB paying. I wouldn't be too happy with my FOBs partner paying his maintanance for him. I'd want him to pay it himself. But then again, that is just my view and the MOB might be fine with it!

 

[MyFirstNoodle]

I think that's ok. As long as the money was in every week without fail. The minute payments started being late or were missing i would go to CSA. And i would be expected to be updated the minute he got a job or his circumstances changed to make sure he is paying the correct amount that he can afford towards LO.
As long as MOB and FOB are both on speaking terms and have a good relationship (or as good as can be expected) then there is no real reason to go through CSA. Should only do it if FOB is unwilling to make the correct payments towards his LO.

That is totally understandable. But it would be me paying and I'm not a man (I know they can be arseholes) so I wouldnt do that to MOB as I know she needs his money especially now she has a new born baby with another man who she is no longer with. I'm only on shift work and supporting me and OH atm until he finds work but I will make sure money is in the account. She hasn't replied though so I'm a little worried that she wont agree and then we have to wait for FOB to get a job and we will end up with a HUGE back dated debt.... x

So i'm guessing you're the FOBs partner?

Hopefully she will agree as it seems what is best for her LO. Though does she know that it is you paying? As she might not be too happy with that. The FOB has a moral need to pay for his LO, but his partner has no strings to the LO, and if you two were to break up, the payments would stop and might take a lot of effort and time to set them back up again with FOB paying. I wouldn't be too happy with my FOBs partner paying his maintanance for him. I'd want him to pay it himself. But then again, that is just my view and the MOB might be fine with it!

Yeah I'm his partner.

I understand about us splitting up but its just until OH finds a job then he will be paying and will pay me back too. I understand you wouldnt want his partner paying but if I don't she doesnt get any money and think she would rather be paid.

 

[suzanne108]

I don't think there is anything wrong with private agreements as long as both parties agree. You can download Maintenance Agreements for both to sign which would make things slightly more official between you, just so you both have it on record. But like bloodbinds says, I would be going to CSA the minute anything went wrong!

As for the visits, if I was MOB I wouldn't want FOB taking my LO to wherever you live if its 250 miles away. But thats just me!

I've read your thread in relationship section about your OH and think you should be very careful about paying his childs maintenance

xx

 

[suzanne108]

I don't think there is anything wrong with private agreements as long as both parties agree. You can download Maintenance Agreements for both to sign which would make things slightly more official between you, just so you both have it on record. But like bloodbinds says, I would be going to CSA the minute anything went wrong!

As for the visits, if I was MOB I wouldn't want FOB taking my LO to wherever you live if its 250 miles away. But thats just me!

I've read your thread in relationship section about your OH and think you should be very careful about paying his childs maintenance

xx

 

[DizzyMoo]

From a mobs point of view if this was the 1st arrangement set up then i would accept it but the 1st payment missed i would be straight to the csa. Thing is even if you didn't pay it then he started work they dont start taking lump sums to cover the areas , They take the standard weekly payment & then partial payments each week which are not much so its not like it'd be that noticeable.
I must admit i would rather fob be paying than his partner as its his child & he should be providing not you, how can she not know he isn't working?
Surely she knows he isn't? If he's claiming a benefit she would get £5 a wk out of it unless he has other children through the csa.
Is the mother working? If she is then she gets the full amount if she isnt then she will only be entitled to £20 a week .

As ive been through all this before looking at it now i wouldnt accept the agreement at all, Its csa or nothing.
If you decide to go ahead, you need reciepts of what she is recieving otherwise she can say nothing has been paid.

 

[DizzyMoo]

From a mobs point of view if this was the 1st arrangement set up then i would accept it but the 1st payment missed i would be straight to the csa. Thing is even if you didn't pay it then he started work they dont start taking lump sums to cover the areas , They take the standard weekly payment & then partial payments each week which are not much so its not like it'd be that noticeable.
I must admit i would rather fob be paying than his partner as its his child & he should be providing not you, how can she not know he isn't working?
Surely she knows he isn't? If he's claiming a benefit she would get £5 a wk out of it unless he has other children through the csa.
Is the mother working? If she is then she gets the full amount if she isnt then she will only be entitled to £20 a week .

As ive been through all this before looking at it now i wouldnt accept the agreement at all, Its csa or nothing.
If you decide to go ahead, you need reciepts of what she is recieving otherwise she can say nothing has been paid.

 

[sweetlullaby]

I agree with Dizzymoo it can be a dangerous thing to do because she can go to csa at any point and say FOB hasnt been paying. If you just let it go through CSA then if he doesnt have a job atm then CSA arnt going to charge him an absolute fortune it would be like £5 a week or something like that. It would save you paying £40 a week when she might not even be entitled to that

If it is definately £40 a week. I'd let it stay with CSA but you could always tranfer the money every week into your partners account before it came out It would be safer that way rather than running the risk of her saying she hasnt had any payments at all etc.

Hope you get something sorted!

 

[MyFirstNoodle]

I agree with Dizzymoo it can be a dangerous thing to do because she can go to csa at any point and say FOB hasnt been paying. If you just let it go through CSA then if he doesnt have a job atm then CSA arnt going to charge him an absolute fortune it would be like £5 a week or something like that. It would save you paying £40 a week when she might not even be entitled to that

If it is definately £40 a week. I'd let it stay with CSA but you could always tranfer the money every week into your partners account before it came out It would be safer that way rather than running the risk of her saying she hasnt had any payments at all etc.

Hope you get something sorted!

Thank you that is a really good idea. I will just get OH to ring them and tell them he is unemployed atm and wont be able to pay until he finds a new job. They cant back date the payments then can they if he is not claiming job seekers and is living off me? x

 

[ladyjayne]

That sounds like a very similar agreement to what we have with DH's ex. We live about 200miles from her and that was our choice (hes in the amy) so we pay what we can afford which is £150 a month - shes happy with that and we travel up every month and have his little girl in all the school hols down here - shes now 6 so and this only started in the last few years ( it was a gradual build up to get used ot being apart from her mum)
If you were to go through CSA they do take into account any travel costs you will have to see his LO so it might work out that MOB is better off doing a private agreement after travel ect.

 

[purpledahlia]

Im not sure i would agree to it, does she know the reasons why you want to do this? if she does and theyre on speaking terms then she might understand better and agree. She might be confused where the money is coming from if he says he is unemployed but yet can assure her she will get £40 a week!

Just be carefull thats all i say, it really depends on the woman and if the MOB and FOB are on good terms. If shes spiteful or angry at him in anyway it could backfire on you and you could loose money, she could still call CSA and get it and the money you gave her would mean nothing as your not linked to the child in so many ways if that makes sense!

 

[MissEfendi]

Just so you know, they do not backdate money anymore.

 

[MyFirstNoodle]

Just so you know, they do not backdate money anymore.

They do we got a letter.