beegray
Mommy to Olivia
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2011
- Messages
- 219
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I am SO glad I found this section! My dh and I have been up and down about this decision for awhile. We have 1 little girl who turns 4 this June. It took us 3 years and 1 miscarriage before I fell pregnant with her. Then I had an absolute terrible pregnancy, was sick as a dog till 18 weeks then developed gallstones and started having attacks at 21 weeks which went from once a week too 4-5 times daily by 35 weeks. Couldn't eat anything because it would trigger the attack and I would end up in hospital. 35 weeks went into preterm Labour because the pains were so bad they were causing contractions. They stopped that. 37 weeks admitted into hospital for full time monitoring. Induced at 38 weeks, emergency c-section and then she ended up with extreme reflux where every feed would all come up... so that's a quick back story into my first introduction into parenthood! So much fun! I had people telling me that don't worry no.2 will be different. And by the time dd is 2 you will be ready.... she's almost 4 and I still don't like the idea of having another one. I started getting broody a couple months ago. My friend runs the school my daughter goes too and she ended up pregnant and all the old feelings and emotions of ttc came rushing back (I have PCOS and we have been not trying not preventing since dd was born). This really woke me up to the realization of the fact that the age gap that we were thinking about initially was running out and quickly. Despite my friends pregnancy when I had a positive test last month I completely freaked out. I went into full panic mode. When I did the second test and it came out negative I was relieved. I thought that had really put to bed how I felt. It wasn't until a couple days later when I was waiting for my period to arrive i was asked by my friend to come in and help look after a 4 month old for a couple hours at the school that my mind was then pretty set. For 4 hours I was reminded of why I was finally happy... I had just started my in business, my dh had changed careers and was now traveling to Singapore for work (we South African). He was gone most of the time and I started to enjoy my me time.... I was becoming very selfish. We planning a second honeymoon to Thailand and planning renovations on the house. I am finally since we first got married am planning and enjoying a life outside of just thinking of babies and children and being a mom. I started the pill on this cycle and having some side effects but I'm hoping will go once my body is used to the hormones. The decision to go into the pill was an easy one. Made quickly and happily. My mind is set.... however my dh still wants another one... not now but maybe next year and my dd is now starting to ask. She's not lonely. She plays beautifully by herself, shes a strong confident independent and fun little girl! We have a group of friends who's kids all go to the same school as dd and are the same age. My one friends son and dd have a brother sister relationship going already...fight like cat and dog but will fight for each other when one is in trouble...and cause all kinds of chaos together too. So now how do I tell my dh that my mind is made up. How do I tell my dd who is now asking that mommy just doesn't want to have another baby, honestly will she really be that lonely? I start having panic attacks just thinking about going through the whole thing again! Especially if I am by myself most of the time with dh being away. I get that we have to come to this decision together but I just can't. Do I suck it up and start preparing mentally to do this again? Or do I just stand my ground and say no? No more not ever? Just don't know what to do.