Marriage?

[jc_catt]

Ok, I know that I can't be the only one feeling this way. lol.
Is anyone else TOTALLY wanting marriage right now? Well...
maybe not NOW... but after 18? I never was so into the
whole "getting married" bit until now. There were even times
that I didn't want to get married at all. But now it's like... I'm
only 16 and the baby and hormones and everything is just
totally getting to me. I guess I just don't want my baby
growing up how I did; seeing no happy married couple in my
family... idk... I can tell that Alec(FOB/OH) is getting this way
too, cause he never used to talk about marriage and now he
refers to me as his "Soon to be wife". Is it really bad if I just
wanna elope at 18? I mean, I'll have my job by then, and Alec
will be in college... I always hated the idea of a fancy wedding
anyways... But Alec says that he wants to wait four years...
I just think that is far too long. I just wanna get a cheap ring
(never cared about the ring, just as long as it doesn't turn my
finder green) and head to reno... Is that bad? Ugh. Hoping to
find sympathy or someone who agrees... I just feel like this is
such a bad feeling...

Sorry for the rant... I just know all my friends would call
me crazy...​

 

[we can't wait]

I can relate. I mean, I got married at 9 months pregnant.
I think that the two of you should do whatever will make you happy. We just wanted a little ceremony on the lake, nothing huge, nothing fancy. You and Alec just need to sit down and talk about how you both feel and come to a compromise. I think it's normal to feel how you feel-- but until you are sure it's what you want to do, don't rush anything.
Good luck! Hope everything works out!

 

[Chrissy7411]

I want to get married in a few years, too my OH of course. Him and i have talked about it alot... I just don't want to rush into it and I still want it to be a "surprise" when he gets down on one knee and purposes

 

[we can't wait]

I want to get married in a few years, too my OH of course. Him and i have talked about it alot... I just don't want to rush into it and I still want it to be a "surprise" when he gets down on one knee and purposes

I agree! He should definitely still get down on one knee and propose! OH & I had been engaged for a little over a year when we tied the knot. The proposal is so special! Most guys put a lot of thought into it & get really nervous. It's something you will always remember.

 

[jc_catt]

Ya... Idk. I just am so crazy about it... may be hormones... and Alec is just so...
"Eh, Whatev happens"
Of course, I get irritated cause he's totally bipolar... like one second he'll be like.
"Can't wait to put a ring on that finger"
and then the next,
"Well, let's not rush thing"
RUSH THINGS??? I'M KNOCKED UP! THINGS ARE OFFICIALLY RUSHED!
lol.
Oh! And he says the rushing thing and it's just when I SLIGHTLY bring it up.
It's so ridiculous. He's just like "Well, we'll see" When exactly will I see?
Ugh. He's acting like i'm getting down on one knee every time I want to
mention it which is BARELY EVER. lol. Oh well. You'd think that HE'D be
rushing ME since I said no more sex before marriage... Ugh, I'm just so
irritated.

---Sorry if I seem bipolar... I just talked to him about it now and he's
getting me all irritated.

 

[aidensxmomma]

I can understand your frustration hun.
My OH and I have been engaged for 1 1/2 years (and been together for 4 years) and I am getting overly impatient to just get married already. We're probably going to do some courthouse deal and just get legally married and have a ceremony whenever we can afford it. My OH and I are going to have our third baby, so I think it's about time.

 

[LovingMommy10]

I dont want you to get your hopes up or anything but;;
Maybe since he says "cant wait to put a ring on that finger" he is planning something , but when you say something about it he tries to cover up with "dont rush it." IDk but thats the first thing that popped into my head when I read your story. I do wish you luck though, I got married April 23rd of this year and we kinda rushed it because of the baby, but we did have a nice little beach wedding so when the time is right it will be perfect... Let me know if he does do anything! Good luck hun !

 

[jc_catt]

Somehow, I doubt he's planning anything :/ Though I would definitely be surprised
if he was... He is just so bipolar. I don't know... I just want to be more than his
"pregnant girlfriend" or "the mother of his baby" It is both VERY unromantic and
I just feel as if I'm more than that... But... I don't know...

 

[LovingMommy10]

Ya I know where your coming from, just keep your head up Hormones get the best of us sometimes

 

[HarlaHorse]

I want to get married in a few years, too my OH of course. Him and i have talked about it alot... I just don't want to rush into it and I still want it to be a "surprise" when he gets down on one knee and purposes

I agree! He should definitely still get down on one knee and propose! OH & I had been engaged for a little over a year when we tied the knot. The proposal is so special! Most guys put a lot of thought into it & get really nervous. It's something you will always remember.

Its not that I don't have faith in my OH, Reece is completely amazing but I still wonder how he will do it, like imagine if he worded like a typical boy, that would be horrible!

Ya... Idk. I just am so crazy about it... may be hormones... and Alec is just so...
"Eh, Whatev happens"
Of course, I get irritated cause he's totally bipolar... like one second he'll be like.
"Can't wait to put a ring on that finger"
and then the next,
"Well, let's not rush thing"
RUSH THINGS??? I'M KNOCKED UP! THINGS ARE OFFICIALLY RUSHED!
lol.
Oh! And he says the rushing thing and it's just when I SLIGHTLY bring it up.
It's so ridiculous. He's just like "Well, we'll see" When exactly will I see?
Ugh. He's acting like i'm getting down on one knee every time I want to
mention it which is BARELY EVER. lol. Oh well. You'd think that HE'D be
rushing ME since I said no more sex before marriage... Ugh, I'm just so
irritated.

---Sorry if I seem bipolar... I just talked to him about it now and he's
getting me all irritated.

I agree! I'm totally into the marriage thing and often I bring it up and I'm like 'oh and at my wedding I want..' sort of thing and he doesn't seem as interested, or he'll giggle (super cutely ) and be like 'we'll see.' I think boys are just, boys, I don't think they ever seem as interested as what we are which is why us girls get nervous I think. I mean, I'm really old fashioned, I'm always the one thats like 'nope I'm never proposing, he's got to do it,' I used to be like 'oh my god, what if he never ever proposed?' but I think thats just my anxiety kicking in I'm stupid like that.

I think if he loves you as much as you love him, and if yous are as much in love as what me and my OH are, you have nothing to worry about. We're pregnant, hormonal girls, of course we're going to worry. I'm more excited about the actual proposal than I am of getting married!

 

[xSarahM]

My OH proposed on New Years Eve (before we got pregnant) i told him i wasnt ready, and im still not. I grew up in a rought family, and my parents werent married and constantly had problems. I do want to get married, but like i said, not yet.

We've agreed that he can propose in summer 2014 at the earliest! And then we'll get married when we're both out of uni. We've only been together for 14 months.
Ps, HAPPY V DAY TO YOU, TOO!

 

[Bexxx]

Eek! I'm not ready to get married at all. I've never wanted to be married!

It would be handy if we did though, then me and LO would get a house provided from OH's work - but that's definitely not a reason to tie the knot

When I told my mum I was pregnant the first thing she said was, "Well, at least your not getting married"

 

[SmartieMeUp]

I'm not ready, nor do I want to in the future.

I don't see how a couple of words, certificate and a ring is proof of how much you love somebody. If anything, love can't be seen as an object.

It puts stress on the relationship for no reason. High percentage end in divorce and then another wedding is around the corner, so the first couldn't of meant anything.

 

[xSarahM]

I'm not ready, nor do I want to in the future.

I don't see how a couple of words, certificate and a ring is proof of how much you love somebody. If anything, love can't be seen as an object.

It puts stress on the relationship for no reason. High percentage end in divorce and then another wedding is around the corner, so the first couldn't of meant anything.

You make a very good point.
My parents had a failure of a relationship. My mum wanted to get married, my dad didnt so he got her a promise ring. Then about 2 years later, he got abusive, she started cheating and then he left?

Saying all that, i do want to get married. I dont know if i want to exchange rings though. I wear my Tiffany xo Picasso ring on my wedding finger though, and OH gave me that?

I was just wondering, who's last name your LO is taking?

 

[Bexxx]

I'm not ready, nor do I want to in the future.

I don't see how a couple of words, certificate and a ring is proof of how much you love somebody. If anything, love can't be seen as an object.

It puts stress on the relationship for no reason. High percentage end in divorce and then another wedding is around the corner, so the first couldn't of meant anything.

 

[SmartieMeUp]

I'm not ready, nor do I want to in the future.

I don't see how a couple of words, certificate and a ring is proof of how much you love somebody. If anything, love can't be seen as an object.

It puts stress on the relationship for no reason. High percentage end in divorce and then another wedding is around the corner, so the first couldn't of meant anything.

You make a very good point.
My parents had a failure of a relationship. My mum wanted to get married, my dad didnt so he got her a promise ring. Then about 2 years later, he got abusive, she started cheating and then he left?

Saying all that, i do want to get married. I dont know if i want to exchange rings though. I wear my Tiffany xo Picasso ring on my wedding finger though, and OH gave me that?

I was just wondering, who's last name your LO is taking?

My mum was first married at 18, divorced at 20 (to my sisters dad) then at 26, she married my dad. They've had an abusive relationship for the past 3 years and my mum is stupid to take it all, she's had opportunities to kick him out. But doesn't.

Treat it as an eternity ring?

She will be taking his last name, I didn't even ask or discuss it with him either. If we weren't together, I'd then ask for his permission.

 

[xSarahM]

My mum was first married at 18, divorced at 20 (to my sisters dad) then at 26, she married my dad. They've had an abusive relationship for the past 3 years and my mum is stupid to take it all, she's had opportunities to kick him out. But doesn't.

Treat it as an eternity ring?

She will be taking his last name, I didn't even ask or discuss it with him either. If we weren't together, I'd then ask for his permission.

He calls it my "pre-engagement ring" which i can just about deal with right now

Yeah my LO's are taking his last name, too.
I understand its hard to get out of absuive relationships. I hope he cleans up his act or she can be strong enough to call it quits soon.

 

[amygwen]

I don't think it's bad you're feeling this way. I think you're feeling this way because of hormones though and as you said, you want your LO to have a family, a mom and a dad because you never experienced that. Although if I were you, I'd wait til your LO is born and see how things go. Having a baby can be extremely tough on a relationship and can really test you as a couple to see if you'll be good in marriage. I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but from my own experience.. I was with my OH prior to LO being born and we wanted to get married, but we were so stressed out and just did not find the time to be a couple so we took a break. Now we're back together but it's still stressful, we just try to work through things better. Take it slow, for now you need to worry about your LO and see where things go from there.

 

[we can't wait]

[This is not to the OP, but I'm not quoting anyone specifically, because this isn't a personal attack. ]

I disagree. Respectfully, of course.
DH and I started dating when I was 16 years old. At the time, I told him (and everyone else for that matter) that I never wanted children, and I never wanted to get married. Now, at 20, I've done both. I always said the 'it's just a sheet of paper' bit, too. But once you actually have a legal marriage license, it means something entirely different to you. It's not about proving how much you love somebody. If you are doing it just for validation, you probably aren't getting married for the right reasons. It's a highly personal decision. DH and I could only afford to buy one ring, since LO is on her way in the next week or so. Since I already have a nice engagement ring, I chose for him to be able to pick out the ring he wanted. & He just put my engagement ring on my finger for the ceremony. That's what it's about-- compromise and caring. Legally and spiritually, I am not someone's wife. It has a much greater meaning and feeling, when you are actually the one who has chosen to do so.
Like I said, it is a HIGHLY personal choice made by two people who love each other. For some (me & DH included), it means a lot to be husband and wife, rather than just boyfriend and girlfriend. That being said, I completley agree with Amy. If you don't have total confidence in your relationship, and sometimes even if you do, it's best to wait until after you've had the baby. Babies change a relationship far more than a marriage would. Babies put far more stress on a relationship than a marriage would! So, there's no need to rush it if you aren't sure that it's the lifetime commitment you want to make. (Although, from the sound of the OP, it sounded like she wanted to do it now, but that OH wanted to wait a looong time, and she just wanted something sooner-- not right this second? I could be mistaken.)

I just kind of disagree with being a complete cynic about marriage on a thread talking about wanting to get married, without offering any actual advice? Marriage definitely isn't always rainbows and unicorns, but for some, it's the perfect choice. Live and let live. Don't knock it 'til you try it. & Any other cliche-type phrase that can be applied to this scenario.

 

[xSarahM]

[This is not to the OP, but I'm not quoting anyone specifically, because this isn't a personal attack. ]

I disagree. Respectfully, of course.
DH and I started dating when I was 16 years old. At the time, I told him (and everyone else for that matter) that I never wanted children, and I never wanted to get married. Now, at 20, I've done both. I always said the 'it's just a sheet of paper' bit, too. But once you actually have a legal marriage license, it means something entirely different to you. It's not about proving how much you love somebody. If you are doing it just for validation, you probably aren't getting married for the right reasons. It's a highly personal decision. DH and I could only afford to buy one ring, since LO is on her way in the next week or so. Since I already have a nice engagement ring, I chose for him to be able to pick out the ring he wanted. & He just put my engagement ring on my finger for the ceremony. That's what it's about-- compromise and caring. Legally and spiritually, I am not someone's wife. It has a much greater meaning and feeling, when you are actually the one who has chosen to do so.

I just kind of disagree with being a complete cynic about marriage on a thread talking about wanting to get married, without offering any actual advice? Live and let live. Don't knock it 'til you try it. & Any other cliche-type phrase that can be applied to this scenario.

I totally agree with what you're saying. Although i do agree that marriage isnt for everyone. I really thought your ceremony on a lake was so sweet and lovely. Really showing it not about some big party.

Saying that i do want a big wedding, i want a big fancy church, with my big white dress. I want to feel like a princess. But i also want to feel like after we both say "I do", that my life will be changed forever.