I'm having an amnio before we make any decisions. It was moved to Thursday because my insurance company is being a bonehead. It's a long boring story.
My doctor is concerned because she is measuring a little behind. He said that without my test result, he'd still consider her within normal limits though. I've been worried about the pregnancy since the first ultrasound. I charted and know when I ovulated. My first US at 7 weeks, she was a week behind what I expected. He said perhaps I ovulated late but I know I didn't. Plus, we didn't BD during the two week wait. But the next ultrasound, she caught up two days. Then the next she was behind 4 days. Then the recent one at 15 weeks (16 weeks if you go by my LMP), she was either 14 weeks or 14+4. He said both so I don't know what to go by.
My TSH level at recheck was 6.9 (I have hypothyroidism and it was normal when I was checked at 4 weeks). I'm not sure if that will slow down her growth or if any damage was done through that. I scheduled an appointment with an endocrinologist. I wanted my thyroid checked last month but the doctor said they don't check it until the next appointment. So I'm hoping I'll have someone who will be more aggressive about treating it because I've got hypothyroidism pretty bad.
She has a questionable arrhythmia in her heart. He said she was skipping a few beats but at the end he found a strong solid run. So I'm not sure. The skipping of beats was like "boom-boom-boom-...-boom-boom-boom-...-boom" etc. The skipped beats almost seemed in time with my breathing so I don't know.
I'll have a more detailed ultrasound by a perinatologist right before the amnio. I hope she's okay.
I had a miscarriage prior to her and we've tried for well over two years to get her. I'm not sure if I can go through TTC again and all the worry if I get pregnant again considering the history I'm racking up. Which means my dreams of having a child will be over.
So this is incredibly devastating.
I'm so angry because I see people who treat their children horribly and have had uneventful pregnancies and healthy children. I'm so angry about that.
Then this year, my husband had to take a huge pay cut, roughly 25 percent of our annual take home salary (his sales depend on the weather which has been utter crap this entire year and has been record breaking). So we're broke and selling things.
Then he wrecked the car this week.
I'm exhausted. Why does crap have to keep happening to me? Was it not enough that I had to survive a drug addicted mother and abusive father? Was it not enough that my mother died from an overdose when I was young? Was it not enough that I had to give up my childhood to raise my brother who is diabetic and autistic? Was it not enough when one of my father's customers sexually assaulted me when I was 12? Was it not enough when my grandfather sexually assaulted me when I was 15? Was it not enough that my father died when I was 30?
I mean, what else do I have to give up, God? WHAT ELSE??
Sorry for going off the deep end. I'm just so tired.
