here comes a vent ladies!
once i became a SAHM over a year ago i've stopped caring about whati wore and what i look like. makeup irritates my face sinced i have sensitive skin. but ever since having Ava and going through depression again, fighting with thomas constantly, i feel like i just wanna give up and not even attempt to lose the weight or work out. i have no motivation what so ever

i wake up shortly before thomas gets ready for work (takes him a whole 20 minutes). then i just sit around in PJs. watching tv, computer, picking up, taking care of the kids. i always use an excuse of having... kids as to why i have "no time" for myself. i really just wanna lock myself in a room and workout alone. when i started dating thomas i would sleep for about 4 hrs a night, wake up, shower do make up. then go spend the day with him before i went to work at 5 in the evening. that's when i lost 50lbs FAST. i wasnt eating, i was always on the go. i dont have time to do that and since i'm depressed i WANT to eat and sleep all day. i honestly think part of it has to do with not feeling love between me and thomas anymore.

i definitely know me and thomas need to work things out. he cheated on me twice before i got prego with milo. and has done so much to me behind my back i feel it's hard to forgive him for treating me the way he did when all i ever did was l...ove him as much i could. i did everything i could for him. then when i'm going through depression he's not supporting me, instead he tries to go against me and make me feel worse about everything. i know part of it is the stress a newborn can put on a relationship. i'm hoping once ava gets to be another month older or so things will be better and less hectic. last night i wrote him a letter telling him how i'm feeling and some of the things that goes through my mind that i usually hold back from him.
i just talked to my BFF from childhood for a half hour on the phone. i met her when i was 5 (i'm 22 now). we've always stayed in contact, but when she moved during my sophomore year we didnt let that keep us apart. then she had her son in 2006, then started moving around a lot. and i didnt see her as much. i'm hoping to see her this weekend and she wants me to go out to a bar with her at some point. her and her OH just broke up because he's a dead beat. and she's telling me i deserve better too, just lik her.but i'm not ready just yet to give up on our relationship. i know we can try harder. but honestly, deep down i sorta feel like me and thomas are over
