Thanks everyone. We had a HUGE blow up last night, and of course, his way to try and hurt me was to throw Anberlin in my face. He knows the circumstances behind her conception but he still LOVES to tell me I eff'd around when we're fighting. I smacked him really hard when I told him that if he loves Anberlin as much as he says he does, then he can't bring up her conception to hurt me because he's only hurting her too. He needs to either hate me for it and leave me, or suck it up and love me if he's going to love her too, but he can't have it both ways. He knows that's the only ammo he has, so I told him that if he loves her as much as he says he does, then he CANNOT keep throwing her back in my face. I've gotten past that, his family has gotten past it, everyone else has gotten past it and love her, so he needs to as well. I've already apologized for it, so he needs to stop. Don't tell me you love her, and then throw her back in my face when you want to hurt me.
Inge - I'm 128lbs, which isn't horrible, just a few pounds overweight. I'm only 5'0" though, so all of it slumps around my belly and butt. I don't think of myself as fat, but when I see pictures of myself, I see how fat I am and I don't like it. Apart from pregnancy, this is the most I've ever weighed and I'm technically overweight.
Just to humour me last night, Mike asked me why I wanted to lose weight, why I feel self-conscious, so I let him know that I don't feel attractive to him anymore. He used to have no problem holding my hand or randomly giving me a hug or telling me he loves me, and he doesn't do it anymore. He either sleeps all day or plays on his computer, and when he DOES try and be near me, it's only for sex or to fondle me. The only nights I can go to bed without him trying to stick his fingers in my underwear are when we're fighting and when AF comes to visit. I told him this makes me feel like I'm being used as some sex toy, and yet again, he blew me off, saying, "Why else do you think I try and fondle you?" Fine, but when I ask you to stop, STOP. That's what I have the problem with. I feel like he only wants me for sex and not for who I am, that sex and food and convenience is all he wants me for. I feel violated by him, and he doesn't care, doesn't WANT to understand. I'm like property to him, and not a wife.
Then he complains about how much time I spend on here and I told him I don't want to go out. I hate going to playgroup, I hate going grocery shopping, I don't want to cook anymore, and I love cooking. I order in more often than I cook, and it's because I'm depressed and I don't have the motivation. I have to force myself to get up everyday because the kids need taking care of, and again, that's when the convenience factor kicks in, because he can sleep through it all. When I told him I was depressed, he told me I wasn't and that I was making it all up for drama. According to him, I was happy when I found his message of wanting to die because it was drama I could live off, and I didn't start calling around trying to get him help because I love him, but because I wanted the drama. Apparently, his mother who told him to get over his pity party is a saint, and me, who took him seriously, is a piece of shit. Great.
And of course, he told me to leave, but said that if I take the kids, he'll call Children's Aid on me because I'd be going back into Rent-Geared-to-Income housing and apparently using that service makes me an unfit parent.
Can you see why I want to get out of this marriage? I never should have come back.
it's been a week since we've been having huge arguments everyday. and 4 days since i wrote him a letter. i am DONE waiting for him while he thinks about it. 
Got to the week before and he still said "up to you" about NTNP LO#2 
He was facing away from me trying to get his ball and couldnt, so using his legs almost doing the splits he turned round to chat to me 
but then to see if it was an accident I turned him back round and he used the same method and did it again 
can just load it all into a bag lol
so cute! Hang in there with the strompy toddler- he'll come back around in a day or two!
) and she not only has not complied, but I couldn't even have a cup of tea this morning as EVERY SINGLE CUP WE OWN IS IN HER ROOM 
