Me again, so confused, think I may be in denial?

[dan-o]

So you may think I'm mad, but I have booked a final scan on tuesday, I need to see things again so I can come to terms with what is about to happen.

The scan was so short last time, I didn't get time to process what was happening. I think the songrapher was being kind, as it's obviously distressing to see.

But.. I need to be 100% sure.

If i'd have had some bleeding or a loss/lack of symtoms, then I'd be more accepting. But i've been misdiagnosed with a BO once already in this pregnancy & have seen my baby twice since.. so I'm a bit cautious as you can imagine (some may say clutching at straws)

If the scan had showed my baby in the sac, dead, then I'd be getting on with it. But to see no trace whatsoever, not even a yolk or bit of tissue, from seeing a proper mini baby & HB just 2 weeks ago seems so hard to get my head round. It's like a repeat of my horrible first scan.

I understand it happens & babies do reabsorb, while showing no outward sign anything is wrong, I just wish it hadn't happened to me, it's so confusing & hard to accept given the circumstances.

I was booked for an ERPC today, but I cancelled it as I'm definitely not ready emotionally.
I've been provisionally booked for next friday now, but am even having second thoughts about that one too.

I'm considering the tablets/waiting for natural MC. I know it will be terrible, painful & messy, but I know it could help me get over this.

Maybe I'll feel a bit more confident after tuesday?

This is pure hell, how have all you ladies come through this kind of thing & remained sane?

 

[orange-sox]

I really don't know you history, but I know from my first loss that you can come through it and remain sane, albeit fragile.

Sorry you are hurting

 

[Shelby2007]

Oh dan-o.. you have been through so much. I know you are ready to just SCREAM! I think it was a good idea to get another scan.. and dont forget to write down questions that you have been thinking - so you wont forget to ask them!

 

[LoraLoo]

I must admit it seems very odd that there was nothing- no trace of the little one or anything, you would think there would be SOMETHING.

I did read that, for example if you have a MMC at 10 weeks but you didnt get a scan until 12 weeks, that 2 weeks go backwards so the baby would be the size of an 8 week old baby. Or if the baby died at 14 weeks and you had a scan at 15 weeks, baby would be measuring 13... I dont think im explaining myself very well but if i find the website i will post a link.

I do think you are doing the right thing having another scan, im sorry you are going through this

Edited- found link though im sure its nothing you havent heard hun xx
https://www.birth.com.au/Info.asp?class=6620&page=4

 

[Blondie]

Dan-o you aren't being silly at all - you need to do whatever you can to make sure that you are happy before going through with anything. Even if it takes 10 more scans you should do because living with the "what if" afterwards would be worse than delaying anything until you are 100% sure.

 

[Las78]

Hun, sending you huge hugs. I don't think you're mad at all hun, it's totally understandable why you're doing this and I would do the very same, like you said you need to be sure.

I hope all goes ok for you hun, thinking of you, it all must be so very hard on you at the minute so just make sure you take extra good care of yourself x

 

[mrs.beanz]

When I had my miscarriage in July an ultrasound showed nothing as well. A bit of remaining tissue but nothing else. It took me a month to accept it. I didnt understand how the heck I wouldnt have known I had lost my baby. I had went to the hospital the very day I started spotting and they had taken a pregnancy test at the hospital which was positive. I had no bleeding before that day, no cramps, nothing to indicate I had already miscarried. I was sure they were wrong and wanted second, third and fourth opinions. Nothing fit what I read on the internet. From what I read miscarriage was very painful, you bled alot and there was no mistaking what was happening.I didnt have any of that so they had to be wrong. After the last ultrasound I decided it was time to move on so I opted for the tablets to get rid of the remaining tissue. I will never forget and it has forever changed my life. Im so sorry you are going through this and all I can say is do what you feel is right for YOU....in your own time. I think I always knew somewhere in my mind that they werent wrong but I wouldnt have forgiven myself if I didnt make sure...for my baby.

 

[dan-o]

See thats the bit i don't get, there was no tissue, nothing but a round empty sac again, like a blighted ovum.
My first scan also showed this.

The middle two scans both showed a baby & I saw the HB, so where did it go in the last fortnight & why is there now no trace? Has my body inwardly consumed it completely?

The consultant was a bit suprised I'd had no bleeding or symptom loss, but said anything is possible in pregnancy & thats just what can happen sometimes.

This is why I need another scan, so it can make sense to me, right now it doesn't.

 

[rachjim98]

Dan-o you do what ever you need to do that is going to make sense to you. If that be another scan then do that scan. I am so sorry you are having to go through this and I hope you get the answers or closure your looking for.

 

[Jkelmum]

Dan-O you have to do whats right for you by no means does it mean your going mad xxx

 

[leeanne]

 

[MissingBubs]

I really can't help as I was not in this situation, but I would say get all the scans you can to help you find out what has happened. Make sure the profs don't try and brush you off.

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

You may be better off ringing up your EPAu and asking for an appointment with someone to discuss everything. say theres alot you dont understand or feel comfortable with yeat and dont feel you can have a D&C without knowing everything..
As much as a scan will show you, you still may not have any answers. I went 4 weeks with no pains, no blood, nothing.. i was 10 weeks. yes i could see my baby in there but even up to the time when i was booked in for my d&c i still had nothing.. it took 9 tablets! yes 9! to help me m/c everything i never got my d&c.
sometimes are bodies play very cruel tricks on us.

 

[rabbit]

i think you've done exactly the right thing for you, which is best all round, if it's good news thats brilliant, but if its bad news at least you wont be doubting the results

 

[MrsO29]

I had a mmc diagnosed at 12 weeks, estimated the pregnancy ended at 7 weeks. I showed a sac, but nothing inside. I hadn't bled or had any cramps to indicate it. I think I was actually pregnant up until 7 weeks though.

I am truly sorry to hear you saw the h/b and now it appears there is nothing there.
I can understand why you didn't go for the scan. I would give it a week and then if the scan shows nothing at least you will know for sure.

Just out of interest, have you taken a pregnancy test today?
If there is nothing but a sac left inside you I would assume a test would be negative, or very faint?

Again, I am very sorry and hope you have a happy ending

 

[dawny690]

Dan-O huni, you need to do what you feel is best for you and your sanity huni, if another scan is going to help then go for it hun, as you may have read I had a complete early mc that my body absorbed so yes it can happen hun, no its not nice in fact it was heartbreaking not to see a sac or anything just emptiness, but you have a sac which is something and like you said you were told it was a BO but saw/heard the baby's hb and saw the baby so I would defo have another scan if I was you. I never had to have a d&c obviously due to it being early on, but doctor wasnt keen on giving me tablets to bring back on the but they did after I said I would go crazy waiting, keep demanding hun and you will get the answers you need/want answering to move on either way, you know where I am if you want to ask me anything hun, your in my thoughts hun xx

 

[Rebaby]

I don't think you're mad at all I think you have to do what you have to do to help yourself best get through this.

Massive

 

[dan-o]

Thanks guys

mrso29 - yes I have POAS (bit of a habit for me, ha ha) it's still very very positive, but I'm 11 weeks tomorrow, so that maybe why it's not dropped enough to show yet, it's so high? The cruellest part is my symtoms have got even stronger the last week, my boobs are almost unbearably painful & I get so nauseous I'm almost at the point of being sick, but then also.. could the sac & developing placenta itself be increasing my hormones? I think maybe it can do that.

Anyway I'll know on tuesday, I will not let let stop scanning me until I'm completely satisfied.

Dawny - what happened to you, it also happened to my mum! She was unexpectedly pregnant in her 40's (much to her delight!) had an early scan which showed a sac, then at a follow up it had all gone, she'd even reabsorbed the sac, just like you. Her AF/MC did come, but it took a while. I'm half expecting to see something like that myself when I go on tuesday...

Once I'm confident my baby has definitely died, I think I may try the pills to block progesterone & see if they get the MC going. I know it will be a terrible ordeal at this stage, but the pain, contractions & blood will help me to get over this.

Anyway, sorry to be all doom & gloom, it's not reflecting my true mood today. I actually feel OK now I have a plan on what to do next. I haven't even cried yet today

xxx

 

[MrsO29]

I am glad you are trying to think positive and making the plans as to what you are going to do next is excellent. It's what I did too. It's hard I know.

But...
If you are still getting strong tests and strong symptoms, not to give you false hope but...

I had a mmc 2 years ago. It was disagnosed at 12 weeks, but they estimated it 'died' at 7/8 weeks. This would have been around Xmas time and when I looked back, on Xmas day exactly all my symptoms completely disappeared. The sac was still growing although it was empty, but it didn't give me any symptoms.

I really hope you get a good outcome. Good luck.

 

[AP]

Dan-o even i am trying to work out what happened! I have been thinkin about your story a lot over the last few days and it's so hard to comprehend so goodness knows how you're feeling honey.

The thing is, what your doing is the only way you can put this whole scenario to rest. I think you sound like me, that you have a need to understand no matter how sad the matter. You are certainly not mad silly or whatever in any any way.

Thinking of you x x x