Megan stammers/jeremy forest . . .

[lesleyann]

I'm torn in scene as I was with my Oh at 15, Ok he was not as old as this man or my teacher but he was over 18, We where engaged when I was 16, and now married with 2 children and I'm 20.

I agree that the way it has been gone about it totally wrong however and if they felt that strongly about each other they should of waited untill she was 16 and one of them should of moved schools so it would not be a teacher/pupal relationship..

 

[Mammatotwo]

I've said this on the other thread as well but I'm completely disgusted by this man.

He's 30, married and a teacher - her teacher.

He should never have been even looking at a 14 year old pupil in that way at all but instead he chose to cultivate a relationship which he knew was illegal. As Kala says 18 is the minimum age of consent where one party is in a position of authority over the other and it's 18 for a reason - because there is an imbalance of power there which can all too easily be abused.

He then physically removed her from her family, friends and whole support network - she may have 'gone willingly' but HE was the one who booked the tickets and drove... she couldn't and wouldn't have gone without him making concious decisions that he knew were wrong and illegal.

Did he think about her overall future, her welfare, her education, her emotional needs in terms of needing other people, her physical needs in terms of food and shelter? (he only had 10 euros left when they were arrested - not even enough for another night in a hotel). No - he didn't.

Did he think about her parents and family and how worried they would be? Or his family and his wife of only 17 months? No - he didn't. All he was thinking about was getting his own needs met regardless of the consequences for anyone involved - including the person he claims to 'love'.

Even now he's been caught he's not shown a single bit of remorse for all the worry and angst that he has put these people through - or indeed for the notoriety that Megan will now be labelled with. Not so much as a passing apology - just whining about how his 'fairy tale' has come to an end.

30 year olds have no business believing in fairy tales - and to have someone of that age, supposedly an educated man in a responsible job, with so little awareness of or care about how his actions have affected other people is, frankly, more than a little disturbing.

Megan is only 15 - yes some 15 year olds know their own mind and are very mature - but mature isn't running away to France with your married schoolteacher and leaving your entire family worried to death. There - right there - is the demonstration that Megan isn't a mature 15 year old but just a normal hormone driven, high drama, sucker for a love story teenager who got swept along by a man who is, to my mind anyway, immature, self obsessed, self serving, delusional and creepy.

I LOVE your response. Very well said.

So to those who say it is not abuse and pedophilia because they are in love and he really cares about her, a lot of pedophiles claim to love and care for their victims that is how they justify their actions. This is so wrong. She is 15 and a child! He is 30 and her teacher! The age gap is not the issue here at all. I find it sad that people are excusing this behaviour. I would be horrified if my daughter was groomed (and this girl certainly was, he was in a position of power and influence) by her teacher at 14. Makes me sick to my stomach. He needs to grow up and realise lusting after a 14 year old child is the definition of a pedophile NOT a fairytale.

 

[special_kala]

Just out of interest ... What do those of you who say you don't think he's a paedophile think about the Jimmy Saville case?

I ask because it seems very strange to me that a lot of people who only last week were dismissive of Jeremy Forrest being attracted to a 14/15 year old, are this week disgusted by the fact that ... Jimmy Saville was attracted to 14 and 15 year olds.

Both abused the trust placed in them by the girls, by parents and by the authorities ... both pursued children (in the eyes of the law) for their own ends (be that emotional, physical or both) ... neither thought through the consequences of their actions on those children's present or future lives.

I just don't see the difference If you don't want to call it paedophilia then lets call it emotional/sexual abuse of a minor by an adult - but it's splitting hairs ... abuse is abuse is abuse and there is never an acceptable excuse.

Completely agree. The only difference is that he "loves" her. Does that make the same act ok? Because hes hiding behind so called love

 

[Sarahcake]

Just out of interest ... What do those of you who say you don't think he's a paedophile think about the Jimmy Saville case?

I ask because it seems very strange to me that a lot of people who only last week were dismissive of Jeremy Forrest being attracted to a 14/15 year old, are this week disgusted by the fact that ... Jimmy Saville was attracted to 14 and 15 year olds.

Both abused the trust placed in them by the girls, by parents and by the authorities ... both pursued children (in the eyes of the law) for their own ends (be that emotional, physical or both) ... neither thought through the consequences of their actions on those children's present or future lives.

I just don't see the difference If you don't want to call it paedophilia then lets call it emotional/sexual abuse of a minor by an adult - but it's splitting hairs ... abuse is abuse is abuse and there is never an acceptable excuse.

This post has changed my mind entirely about how I feel about this situation.
Before I thought that well, you cant help who you fall in love with but it shouldnt have happened as he was her teacher, in a place of trust but actually, when you look at the facts really, he is no different to Jimmy Saville. Granted Megan was a lot more receptive to what was happening, but the action of wanting to be with a girl that young, is universally the same. Both liked young girls, younger than the legal limit and both chased these girls actively.

A very well written post, thank you Tattiesmum

 

[jojo_b]

I think where many people are making the distinction is that if someone is a paedophile, they are attracted to someone BECAUSE they are a child, whereas in this case, he seems to be attracted to her IN SPITE of the fact that she is a child. Therein lies the difference. However, what he did is wholly wrong - there's no getting around that.

 

[lhancock90]

I'm torn in scene as I was with my Oh at 15, Ok he was not as old as this man or my teacher but he was over 18, We where engaged when I was 16, and now married with 2 children and I'm 20.

I agree that the way it has been gone about it totally wrong however and if they felt that strongly about each other they should of waited untill she was 16 and one of them should of moved schools so it would not be a teacher/pupal relationship..

I have a feeling that he would still have been arrested.

 

[jojo_b]

I agree because it would have been assumed that he groomed her while she was a minor. He'd have certainly been struck off and sacked

 

[TattiesMum]

I think where many people are making the distinction is that if someone is a paedophile, they are attracted to someone BECAUSE they are a child, whereas in this case, he seems to be attracted to her IN SPITE of the fact that she is a child. Therein lies the difference. However, what he did is wholly wrong - there's no getting around that.

I see what you are saying but I'm not convinced that Megan wasn't just the first girl who was open to his overtures - the only one who was prepared to fulfil his fairy tale fantasy.

Reading what some of his other pupils had to say about him shows that he had been behaving in an inappropriate manner with young female pupils for some time. A 30 year old male sending teenage girls birthday cards with personal messages, inviting them to gigs and spending free time with them would always raise alarm bells with me - regardless of whether he was a teacher or not ...

It's especially worrying when he is a teacher who - in a mixed school - doesn't make the same effort to be 'like a big brother' with his male pupils .... That smacks to me of grooming.

 

[jojo_b]

Right this is really tricky because I don't want to say this in a way that makes it sound like I think that it is ok, because I REALLY don't. However there are some teachers who are quite sad, and like the attention of encouraging kids to be friends with them, or even have crushes on them. They aren't paedophiles, just highly inappropriate, immature people. I honestly believe that this man was one such teacher; I think that he courted the attentions of his pupils - male and females - to feel popular and loved, and this ended up going too far with Megan. Once agin though, he wholly deserves the trouble he will get into - while many teenage girls may look and much more mature than they are, underneath they are still children. I do not honestly believe that girl will have quite been aware of what she was getting into, and many would argue that the emotional damage he has subjected her to as a by-product of this affair is likely to be far more damaging in the long run than he even understands.