MEN!! First Time Daddy issues?

[knk2011]

Okay, so we're both going to be first time parents - we planned this baby and it took us a year from TTC to conceiving.



He's a car fanatic and works with cars too, he text me to tell me that he was offered a "lovely two seater" for real cheap. Naturally, I told him that it would be no good for the baby, where as the car we have now is a nice big 5 door car, with a large boot for the pram etc.


He went on to tell me about the car - feeding fuel to the fire if you ask me, right?

I told him, "ok, if you can tell me that we can afford a new house, a second car AND everything we need for the baby, then you can have it"


And, in the way that only men can, he made things worse by saying; "that's easy, don't spend all your money" - notice what he said? MY money.


So I went on to tell him that my money has in fact been spent on things for the baby and bigger clothes for me. Things that were NEEDED. I in fact buy all of his clothes too when he needs them. Yet, lately, he has been talking about and buying takeaways.





Is this him struggling to deal with the idea of having a baby or what? He's not usually like this and every time I've come home with new things for the baby he just looks and says they're nice, never asks me what or how much I've spent, so I've no idea why he's suddenly being an ass about it.

 

[suffolksazzle]

Hey, my OH is also a car fanatic. We have a 2 seater track car and he spends tonnes of money on it. My phalosephy is that if he can afford it, he can have it. However, if it means compromising on baby things, he can think again! Totally see where your coming from! x

 

[knk2011]

Hey, my OH is also a car fanatic. We have a 2 seater track car and he spends tonnes of money on it. My phalosephy is that if he can afford it, he can have it. However, if it means compromising on baby things, he can think again! Totally see where your coming from! x

That's what I mean! We moved back in with his parents at the moment because it's cheaper and we would save much more money for the deposit on a better house than what we were in before. When we moved back in here, we agreed his spare money would be put aside for the new house and my money would be used for the baby.


We've lived here about 2 weeks now and so far he's saved nothing and I've spent around £200 on the baby (saving most of my shopping for when I know the sex). He has spent around £14 on the baby...





I really hope that once he starts to feel the baby from the outside that things will start to sink in for him and he will start bucking his ideas up, but then I also said this about our first scan...

 

[Lamont]

sounds like he's rebelling and wants to do everything he cant when baby arrives. This is our 1st as well, before we fell pregnant he bought a sports car, so we currently have 2 cars! I tolerated it for 6months now one has to go! I told him he's had his fun and it's time to grow up and start thinking about OUR baby and all the things he'll be needing. So the more pratical car is up for sale and he's keeping the sports car (how typical lol) but i dont mind it's one less bill and the sports car is pretty big and is a 5door. I've also told him that once baby is here i will be taking his bank card from him since he works offshore so i can buy stuff for baby when he's at work. He actually agreed! Think it's because i didnt give him a choice and told him this will be happening lol

 

[Mum2BKW]

Will you need a second car when baby comes? We share a car between us at the moment, but will probably need to get a second one so hubbie can get to work post baby (otherwise I'll be car-less and we don't have great public transport). If you will need one and he's found a good one then why not? Otherwise he certainly shouldn't be buying expensive things that aren't necessary.

 

[Sarahdisco]

My OH is also into his cars

He used to have a Civic Type R but it was too expensive on fuel for his new job so he got a little Fiesta as a runaround (which he hates ). Since I got my BFP he's decided we need a 5 door for the baby and a bigger boot but he keeps on suggesting (i.e. deciding) on the most ridiculous cars which we just cant afford to run! (Focus ST, BMW M3, Volvo T50, a range rover!!!)

He does a 50 mile round trip for work and one of his reasons for getting rid of the Fiesta is the MPG is rubbish for motorways. I told him the new car has to be 5 doors, has to have a decent boot so I can get a pram in it, and has to have an MPG over 50 (which will work out at about 40 with the way he drives!)

He just does not get it. He also does the same as OP in that he gets told no, then goes on to tell me all about the car and why is would be wonderful to own.

I've now told him that as long as he hits the certain criteria he can have whatever he wants as I'm beyond caring. As long as it doesnt cost our joint account any more than it does right now then he can drive whatever he wants.

Boys and their toys!

 

[suffolksazzle]

The joys of seperate accounts! I dont think I could have a joint account with the OH, I dont trust his spending habits sometimes!

 

[knk2011]

I don't drive, so we only need the one car at the moment. I was just starting to drive when we found out we were pregnant. (I also keep using this phrase on OH, it's not ME that is pregnant, it is US that is pregnant).


I have told him that he can have the sportiest car he likes as long as it is affordable, has back seats for the baby and a decent sized boot for the things we will need to put in it - although I have pointed out countless times that 5 doors is much easier to get a car seat in and out of. I have also told him he needs to calm down his driving style, which is yet to happen....

 

[Hannah11]

My husband went out and bought a Porsche 2 weeks after we found out I was pregnant!!! He has always wanted one and I think he thought if he didn't get it then then he never would!!! I am not to bothered about it really, it will never loose value due to type condition etc so if we need to sell it to buy other stuff we can! And it has been lost of fun to drive about in. We are planning a holiday in may as our last couple holiday before baby arrives and I can't wait to spend the week driving the coast in it!!

 

[MrsGards]

i could have written this thread. my oh is a car fanatic. We have a 2 seater track car in our garage, it hasnt run for nearly 2 years but every single day hes out there after work and he spends his entire weekend in the garage. He had the car before we got together about 5 years ago but this is his "baby". I have receipts for bits hes bought and things its had done to it which exceed £20,000 and these are the ones I know about. It is sponsered by Vauxhall and some magazines so he does get bits cheap but its not the point..!
We had a massive row last night as he told me to stop spending money, and then I saw on Ebay that he is buying a trailer for this piece of scrap metal car which is costing nearly £1000.

My point is why the hell just spend money on something which needs 1 things fixing, so you fix that, and then 2 things break, and then 3 and this goes on forever. Never in the 5 years has this car been worthy of keeping and it is a massive drain on our money.
He could have a lovely car for the £20,000+ hes spent but no, its just a orange piece of scrap metal who when i threatened to sell it to "we buy anycar" would only give me £90 for it LOL.

Bloody men!

 

[knk2011]

Seriously? Over £20,000 and a company offers you £90?
That ought to be a wake up call!!

 

[mummytokeelie]

wow im so glad to know im not alone! my oh is the same he got a car out on finance about a year ago which i did not agree to costing us hundreds a month not to mention the cost of petrol and insurance i have now finally made him sell it so we can pay off the finance but he keeps looking at stupid sports cars okay they may have 5 doors but they are so expensive to run!! feels like a loosing battle! i think men just take a lot longer to mature and realise just how expensive a baby is! i would judt put your foot down and say once you have moved out and the baby has arrived then you can look at what you can afford financially! xx

 

[fatandlumpy]

Ah Ladies.... what you need to do is to divert their techno-tendancies away from cars and onto other stuff....

I got my OH to 'engage with bean' (in other words realise that and be interested in, the fact I'm bloody pregnant!!!!!) by gently (mis)leading past the car-seat display in our local John Lewis...

It was like 'crack' to him. Sort of (semi) grown up Lego!

He's now choosing his new car (I don't drive too!) on the basis of which pram/travel set fits into it. He's buried himself in pram brochures and he's also progressed onto baby monitors. I did however threatened to shove the Dopler up his arse as that's a road I don't want to travel down as I fear I'll wear it like a Walkman (remember those...) especially with my constant bleeding - Also - I have a vague suspicion that he'll end up glued to my abdomen on most nights too.

He was even looking as expressing machines until I told him what they did.

I really am not making any of this up!

 

[knk2011]

wow im so glad to know im not alone! my oh is the same he got a car out on finance about a year ago which i did not agree to costing us hundreds a month not to mention the cost of petrol and insurance i have now finally made him sell it so we can pay off the finance but he keeps looking at stupid sports cars okay they may have 5 doors but they are so expensive to run!! feels like a loosing battle! i think men just take a lot longer to mature and realise just how expensive a baby is! i would judt put your foot down and say once you have moved out and the baby has arrived then you can look at what you can afford financially! xx

I know right?
I am lucky enough to have his parents on my side. They are excited about this baby and they have in fact bought more for this baby than he has. They've paid for babie's nursery furniture and they've randomly come home with outfits and blankets for baby. But my OH? Nothing. Not even so much as a pair of scratch mitts.

I am planning on having him come into town with me after we find out the gender and pointing out to him just how much the baby needs and how much it's going to cost. Maybe it'll sink in then?

 

[suffolksazzle]

Lol Mrs G! What track car does your OH have? Mine has a Caterham aka money pit!

 

[Sarahdisco]

I have told him that he can have the sportiest car he likes as long as it is affordable, has back seats for the baby and a decent sized boot for the things we will need to put in it - although I have pointed out countless times that 5 doors is much easier to get a car seat in and out of. I have also told him he needs to calm down his driving style, which is yet to happen....

I've told OH this... only to be told he drives "normally" and its the cars fault he gets rubbish MPG. We spent the day together on Saturday and he drove "properly" all day and the MPG on the car shot up. I did the whole "told you so..." and he just would not agree! Apparently cause I dont drive I can't tell him about driving styles (even though its obvious!).

I did do a list of things the baby needs last night and showed it to OH. I dont think he realised baby stuff was so expensive!

 

[knk2011]

I have told him that he can have the sportiest car he likes as long as it is affordable, has back seats for the baby and a decent sized boot for the things we will need to put in it - although I have pointed out countless times that 5 doors is much easier to get a car seat in and out of. I have also told him he needs to calm down his driving style, which is yet to happen....

I've told OH this... only to be told he drives "normally" and its the cars fault he gets rubbish MPG. We spent the day together on Saturday and he drove "properly" all day and the MPG on the car shot up. I did the whole "told you so..." and he just would not agree! Apparently cause I dont drive I can't tell him about driving styles (even though its obvious!).

My OH is constantly coming home from work and telling me "Nearly had a crash today" and guess what? It's ALWAYS somebody else's fault, coincidentally, because all these other people are "driving like idiots". I keep trying to point out to him that maybe it's him driving like a tosser and perhaps that's why he's 'nearly having crashes' all the time.

 

[Sarahdisco]

Mine too. He's a brake and accelerate kind of guy and the amount of times I tell him (especially when we are in traffic!) to just drive slower and then he wont need to brake so sharply!

But yeah... its everyone elses fault! Even his best friend said he'll need to calm his driving down when we have the baby otherwise the baby will be sat there like a nodding dog in her carseat!

 

[MrsGards]

Lol Mrs G! What track car does your OH have? Mine has a Caterham aka money pit!

Lol sounds about as much fun as mine.. we have a Vauxhall Calibra 2.5 twin tubro blah blah blah... lol
its a massive money pit which needs destroying lol

https://i1255.photobucket.com/albums/hh637/MrsGards/DSC_0051_zpsd02eaf59.jpg

hope you can now see why its called the orange piece of scrap metal

 

[knk2011]

Mine too. He's a brake and accelerate kind of guy and the amount of times I tell him (especially when we are in traffic!) to just drive slower and then he wont need to brake so sharply!

But yeah... its everyone elses fault! Even his best friend said he'll need to calm his driving down when we have the baby otherwise the baby will be sat there like a nodding dog in her carseat!

Plenty of people told him he needs to calm down before we were even pregnant. The godfather we have chosen for our child said to him that he needs to put a doll in the car seat in the back of the car, and see where that doll ends up at the end of the journey, maybe that will shock him