mental health and this journey XX

[4everhopefull]

oh im not sure if this is a rant, a diary/journal, or anything else. im just talking really, im talking to this thread so i dont upsett anybody in the house lol. well where do i start? i have bi-polar dissorder, rapid cycling mood disorder and anxiety. i was on alot of addictive mental health meds and have been through detox, im now 16 weeks in and not a chemical in my system . but,,,, i only made this huge effort to get well and detox in order to ttc, and at first i was so positive but when my didnt turn up this month and a ive lost all of my umph. my head and heart is screaming out for those sleaping pills and the tablets to numb my mind. i know the answer is to calm down and let nature take its course but i stupidly had the depo shot, little did i know it could put my back by months and months.
sigh
i wonder if im not ment to be a mummy? i wonder if im cocking things up massivly here. and i wonder if im going to crash and burn. or is this a five minute strop? i hope so. i knew i shouldnt have been googling depo provera!! i always make myself poorley by reading the horror storys on the net!.
if i take the sleeping tablets i know i can at least sleep for one night....but on the outher hand if i do ill regret it and hate myself for it. and then my detox would not have been worth the blood, sweat and tears it took.
oh god i just realised how this looks! so depressing , sorry!!!
well i think theirs only 1 awnser, have a bloody good cry, make a cup of tea, and do my healthy food shopping list. it will get better, it has to! so i need to get off of my depressive backside, stop bloody whinging and try!!!! ......ok, well sorry for the ranty, thready thingey peeps...
much luffs 4everhopefull XXXX

 

[dontworry]

Sometimes all we need is a good rant. Congratulations on becoming "clean", and detoxifying yourself! I'm sending you tons of baby dust, and my best wishes.

 

[Jkelmum]

Your doing so well , If this helps u along then thats great ..here is to a xxx

 

[shocker]

Everyone needs a place to rant! Have you tried more natural ways of regulating your sleep pattern? I used to take tablets but dont anymore and the thing that works for me is making sure i tire myself out during the day and also if i stay up past 4am or stay in bed after 3pm then i stay awake until the next night so that im exhausted and then the pattern is back! good luck hun, dont underestimate your achievements

 

[calm]

It sounds like you're doing really well. These are the moments that really test you. Big hugs and may your BFP be very soon X