MIL and my20 weeks scan not a rant

[missjaime]

im gona book my 20 weeks scan on wed when i get my form from the midwife but the issue is when we first told hubbys parents we were expecting (it will be their first grandchild but my second baby) they were very excited which is awsum but MIL was so excited she has invited herself to everything the 12 week scan 20 weeks and birth
i said at the time oh sorry no one but Hubby is going to be there during the birth but i didnt say anything about the scan at the time because they were so excited
when we got home though i did mention to hubby that i would rather it just be us at the scans as the 12 week we make sure everything is ok and the 20 checks its organs etc plus we may find out what it is if baby is loud and proud.
he got shitty and said its their first grandchild let them be involved. i said this is my first child with the father involved cant it be special for me too as i am the one carring it and they have had their children they have had their special moments during pregnancy. anyway he finally "built up the courage" to tell her we want it just to be us but turns out he bluntly told her that i didnt want her at the 12 week scan (hes a mumma boy) and im now 17 weeks and he still hasnt told her that shes not coming to the next one either
she is due to go in for surgery when im due to go for a scan im thinking of being sneaky and bookin it for when she will be in hospital but i hate being sneaky
i love my MIL but i really want to have the little amount of time of being the only ones knowing what were having if we find out the gender
id rather go visit them after and tell them what were having
hubby said hes just not gona mention it which is mean because if she asks when is the scan and we say weve already had it she will be hurt

i guess what im asking is am i being selfish

 

[mum2jess]

Could you not just have told her that you are only allowed one person with you at the scan? I'm not sure about your hospital but ours don't allow extra 'spectators', as it's primarily a medical examination, not entertainment. You may find that she wouldn't be allowed to go anyway.

 

[miss cakes]

not at all even my own mum hasent been with me to the scans she was quite happy to see the pics afterward and get all the details then its not really your MIL place to be there tbh she isnt even your own mum lol maybe you could tell her they only let one person in the room with you and you want your OH there obviously but you will tell her all about it afterward and get her some pics x

 

[mum2jess]

Oh, and no, you aren't being selfish, I wouldn't want my MIL there either.

 

[scuffer]

You've tried a long time for this baby and if that's the way you want it then you should be upfront with your MIL, maybe you should talk to her and explain it in a nice way as it sounds like he's too much of a wimp to say it how it is to his Mum, he should really be backing you up, not blaming you.

 

[Mrsjelly]

No, not selfish at all! (but if there was ever a time you could be 'selfish' I would say making decisions about YOUR baby and pregnancy is one of them!)

Maybe you should spend some time alone with MIL and have an honest chat by saying how much you appreciate her support and how much she means to you...BUT this is something you want to keep intimate just between you and hubby...?

Good luck xx

 

[mum2jess]

I wouldn't even let my MIL have a scan pic to keep, I told her they only gave us 2 copies, as I feel really weird about her parading around a picture of my uterus!!

 

[CharlieP]

I was going to say as above - say that only one person is allowed...You could always go back to her now and say sorry you can't come to the scan - did OH explain why? And then tell her only one person can accompany you.

 

[missjaime]

thank you
yeah i told hubby to stop being guttles and man up
our son is going to come because we want him involved so he never feels left out
when we took the first scan picture to show them she asked to keep it even though i said its our only copy and hubby said yes were i stepped in and said sorry no thats our only copy
i find it hard to talk to her because she goes on about things that dont go her way if i talked to her she would make it obvious that it buggered her
ill talk to hubby to tell her that since our son is going that no one else can go as its not a movie theatre see how that one goes

 

[Kiddo]

I wouldn't want anyone other than my OH at any scans either. I definitely don't think you're being selfish. I can't believe she would presume she could come TBH.

 

[scuffer]

thank you
yeah i told hubby to stop being guttles and man up

 

[kiasuten]

You're not being selfish. They should be a little more considerate of the fact that you are the pregnant one, not your MIL, and so the choice should be yours.

Silly people inviting themselves to things... I have a friend who named herself aunt and godmother to my baby. I haven't been able to find the words to tell her to back off!

I hope your in-laws learn to just let you and your husband and future child be.

 

[Ember]

Maybe she would find it a good consolation if you can get a DVD of the scan and give her a copy of it? That's what we did for my mom who really wanted to go to our scans and we didn't want her there. It's also easier to copy the DVD than the pictures.

 

[missjaime]

hmm i have thought of the dvd but to get a dvd its about $40 i could buy almost a months worth of nappies for that price. augh wish i didnt have such a sensitive bone i cant be blunt with most people i just cant with them

 

[Itsychik]

I don't think you're being selfish at all!

I also applaud you for being so patient with your DH (I have friends whose DH is a "mama's boy" as you said and sometimes it's impossible to get them to say ANYTHING against their mothers!!). Fortunately my mother and MIL are both extremely reasonable people and I don't have this issue with them... but I can NEVER imagine either of them trying to invite themselves to the scans... let alone the BIRTH! OMG! I've made it clear to everyone (friends, family, people I don't know) that no one but DH will be present at the birth, and I won't even be breastfeeding in front of any others either!

IMO, the best course of action might be to talk to your MIL about it with your DH there... that way YOU can say what you want and you can make sure you get all the facts straight if your DH doesn't dare to tell his mother "no." Tricky situation... good luck!

 

[faun]

If the dvd is $40 could you give it to her as an early mothers day pressie? Failing that just tell her the truth that much as you love her input the scan is only for parents and if she wants she can pay for a private scan so she can see baby.

 

[Hoppersgirl]

The hospital I'm at will only allow 1 person into the scan. It is a private time between you & your OH, your MIL has to understand this!

I had a fairly stressful time at my 20 week scan (which I had to have twice) and then we were given news of a problem with our little ones feet. I cannot tell you how glad I am that it was just me & my OH there. I broke down, even though it isn't the worst problem in the world, but it meant that we were able to listen to the midwives & consultant who we had to see without anyone else being involved. It also meant that I had time to calm down & tell my family in a reasonable fashion rather than blubbing like the end of the world had arrived!

Can you arrange something else baby oriented to do with your MIL? Perhaps a day out going looking around baby shops so that she feels involved?

 

[CandyApple19]

i agree, you're not being selfish in the slightest, if we were to be told that our baby has some problems or a problem, id want my OH there, ur only allowed 1 other person in the room at my hosp and then mums or whaterver can come and take a peek at the end when theyre done and given u the all clear.

 

[CeeCee2010]

My MIL invited herself to our 20 week scan - I called her and told her to uninvite herself in the nicest way possible. I want it to just be my hubby and me and I told her she didn't have the right to just assume it would be ok to come. I apologised but sorry, our baby, our scan.

It's not selfish at all! I had to tell her though cos DH is a total mama's boy! X

 

[Mummy~L]

I would have just said that you are only allowed one person in with you and obviously that person would be your hubby