MIL from hell...I can't cope!! long rant...need advice

[Loup89]

Firstly I had my 12 week scan xmas eve and everything was perfect so, so happy about that but I have a bit of a rant...

I know it's christmas and families argue but oh my word I'm so angry! We drove 3 hours to see my husbands family yesterday and announced this pregnany to those who didn't know and his mum was being so horrible.

Basically I have always lived in the town I'm in now, my husband moved here 4 years before I met him for work and loved it and stayed and met me. She is now trying to get us to move to near her so she can see her future grandchild even though neither of us want to move, she actually said that she would never come and see any of us because everyone from my town are wankers! She's only met my friends and family so obviously means them. She's even tried bribing us back saying she will give us a house, job and £7,000! If we stay where we are we get nothing.
I am NOT somebody who gives a damn about money so that's not an issue but after me repeating myself for 3 solid hours saying I didn't want to move she said "I really want to punch somebody" That was nearly breaking point for me but I held it all in until she started slating my family and I just walked off crying.
Before this we had agreed to come back once a month to visit but I feel like I just shouldn't bother, I know my husband will still want to and I don't want to cause arguments between us but I'm so angry.
Am I being unreasonable? My husband said she doesn't mean anything nasty by it and I'm just being over sensitive!!
I want to warn her that she's close to losing any chance of us coming to see her but I don't want to be petty about it all and I want my child to see the rest of his family who are lovely.

 

[wannanewbaby]

Thats horrible i think you have every right to be upset and i def dont blame you for not wanting to visit. I really hope you guys can find a way to male your family work and all get along but first thing to make that happen is your mil needs to apologise what she said was very rude!!

 

[makeupmama2b]

Firstly I had my 12 week scan xmas eve and everything was perfect so, so happy about that but I have a bit of a rant...

I know it's christmas and families argue but oh my word I'm so angry! We drove 3 hours to see my husbands family yesterday and announced this pregnany to those who didn't know and his mum was being so horrible.

Basically I have always lived in the town I'm in now, my husband moved here 4 years before I met him for work and loved it and stayed and met me. She is now trying to get us to move to near her so she can see her future grandchild even though neither of us want to move, she actually said that she would never come and see any of us because everyone from my town are wankers! She's only met my friends and family so obviously means them. She's even tried bribing us back saying she will give us a house, job and £7,000! If we stay where we are we get nothing.
I am NOT somebody who gives a damn about money so that's not an issue but after me repeating myself for 3 solid hours saying I didn't want to move she said "I really want to punch somebody" That was nearly breaking point for me but I held it all in until she started slating my family and I just walked off crying.
Before this we had agreed to come back once a month to visit but I feel like I just shouldn't bother, I know my husband will still want to and I don't want to cause arguments between us but I'm so angry.
Am I being unreasonable? My husband said she doesn't mean anything nasty by it and I'm just being over sensitive!!
I want to warn her that she's close to losing any chance of us coming to see her but I don't want to be petty about it all and I want my child to see the rest of his family who are lovely.

Such a hurtful and hateful woman! I wouldnt even visit. Your child doesnt need that negativity in their life. Imagine what words she will say when the child is growing up. She will probably nitpick everything you do/say, make rude comments about the beautiful grandchild. Nope she is gonna have to change before you make that journey!

 

[Loup89]

Thanks ladies, I'm being made to feel like I'm just overly hormonal and sensitive at the moment but I don't feel like I am she's over stepped the mark now and I feel she needs to be told.

 

[MaddyMonster]

I've been going through the same type of thing with my FIL. He's not being quite so nasty about it though. He wants us to move 12 hours away from our home and all of our other friends and family to live in his backyard. He says he's going to build us a little house and give us a car and all sorts of things. He just doesn't want the baby to be around my MIL since we live much closer to her and he hates that she'll see the baby more often. It's frustrating to be caught in-between their hate towards each other. I'm sorry your MIL is being so nasty to you. You don't need the added emotional stress. Tell her you'll think about it to get her to be quiet, but I wouldn't want to be around her so much, especially when the baby is born.

 

[ChristiansMum]

I'm sorry to hear all this you are going through! If it was me i would let DH go to visit and when MIL asks were you are just get him to explain that she needs to apologise for the comments she has made and that you would rather stay at home and relax instead of coming round and being made to feel like poo!

You shouldn't have to feel like that because of one individual x

 

[samoorah1983]

Hun sorry to hear about your MIL... Advice from someone who've had experience living with In-Laws... Don't take whatever they say seriously, let them say whatever they want.. But all they care about is their son... The further away you live the more respect you will get.. I lived with my in laws for 3 years.. They made my life hell until I almost was about to leave my husband... We finally moved out.... Guess what now I'm pregnant we live half an hour away and beg to see us.... Hun don't worry.. Stay where ur at Relax and enjoy your pregnancy!! Happy New Year!!!!

 

[popchick75]

Ug...I hate inlaw problems...they are always so tricky to deal with.

I think in this case you should just take the high road and not say anything. She wants to be front and center for your pregnancy, birth, and new baby, but she can't since she lives so far away....she is throwing a tantrum because she wants this to be about HER and not about YOU and DH.

I would just let DH go on the next visit as planned. Just calmly explain to him that you are feeling hurt (or even that you don't feel well) and would like to sit out this visit. Don't send a message, don't try to make him fix it and have a big talk with her. Your absence will speak much louder than anything he can say. If you are calm and take the high road, the more she throws a fit, she is just going to look more and more like a witch...especially if you aren't fighting back.

She will come around. If she is willing to give you money and a car, when it comes down to it she will make the drive. And if not, it said a lot more about her than you.

 

[pearlsandbows]

Sound like she is worried about missing her grandchild grow up but she is going the wrong way about it. I don't think you're being over sensitive at all, she needs to understand you are fine where you are as a family, and maybe she should make the effort to come & see you or move closer to you if it's such a heartache? I would much rather live further from my PILs, unfortunately they live 5 mins away in the same village. MIL in particular is very overbearing & going to do my nut in I can already tell! Don't get me wrong they are lovely people with hearts of gold but I like to do things myself & learn my own way!
xo.

 

[Loup89]

Thanks for all your advice, It's nice to know I'm not just throwing a strop over nothing. I'm just really hurt I try so hard with this woman and get nothing in return, she didn't speak a single word to me on my wedding day.
I'm going to have a think about everything but I wont be spoken to like that again, I'm sick of being belittled by this woman. I know she misses her son and wants to see her grandchild but making me feel so upset is not doing her any favours.