MIL in birthing room?

[mooninlibra27]

So for a while I thought that I wanted only my OH in the birthing room, but now I think I want my mom in there too. A lot of this has to do with the fact that I don't want my OH to have to be the only one supporting me as I think I'm gonna need a LOT of support. I told OH and he said that's fine but mentioned maybe his mom could be there too. I don't know how I feel about it. It would mean a lot to her, and I think she would be really supportive and I feel comfortable around her. It's just that I don't actually know her that well. I became pregnant only a few months into our relationship, so I've actually only spent time with her a handful of times. She's technically not even my MIL because we aren't married yet. I love her though, she's great so I don't really know what I should say. I wanna say yes, but I guess I'm nervous I might regret my decision later or something? Does anyone have any advice?

 

[Captain]

Maybe you could spend some time with her to get to know each other? Go for a coffee together or something!

 

[Harley Quinn]

It is COMPLETELY up to you!

My best advice is, make sure that whoever you choose to help support you, that they all know your birth plan and your general philosophy so that you feel comfortable with them there (i.e. they will have the same "vibe") and they can speak for you if you need them too.

 

[JessesGirl29]

It's up to you all the way but for me personally just my OH and I were best for me. I was planning to have my best friend there and in the end I was so happy that she let me be flexible and I decided once labour started I just wanted OH and I.
Honestly afterwards I loved my labour but thought "Thank God only the two of us were there for that".

 

[tallybee]

Totally up to you hun you need to be as comfortable as possible. I agree with spending time with mil to get to know each other better then you'll be able to get a better idea. From my experience I would keep the number of people to a minimum but it's personal choice. all the best xx

 

[Button#]

Labour isn't a time to worry about playing fair, you need to have just the people you are completely comfortable with or you won't be able to relax into it.

I only had OH and wouldn't consider anyone else being there personally. My MIL would be the last person I'd have in the room as mine is a major panicker!

 

[MindUtopia]

I would say only have people in the room that you're completely comfortable with. My friend describes it as the right people are the ones you wouldn't mind seeing you naked (not because you'll actually care in the moment, because you won't, but if you aren't close enough to someone now to want to be naked in front of then, then they aren't probably close enough to be supportive in the moment). I had my husband, two midwives and a doula and THAT felt like too many people for me personally. If someone is just there as a spectator, then they probably shouldn't be there as it can slow labour down if you aren't 100% comfortable.

 

[Kess]

Unlike a lot of PPs, I had a room full lol and am glad I did. I had my mom, dad, sister, husband, and midwife. Original plan had been for everyone but DH and MW to go once labour got started properly, but I never felt I wanted them to go, so they stayed and made themselves useful fetching warmer water for the pool, passing me the G&A, etc, and my sister cut the cord (DH didn't want to, he's a bit squeamish). It helped DH I think, as my mom and sister in particular were really calm and chilled and it helped my (rather nervous) DH to feel he didn't have sole responsibility IYSWIM, and to see that these other people who love me just as much as he does were not worried about me. This time I would probably have just DH and MW, but I wouldn't rule out my mom or sister again (dad was great but less calm than the women - it's funny in the photos the only tension you see the whole time is on the faces of the two men).

On the other hand, I wouldn't have MIL, and I really like my MIL and have known her for almost 10 years now. There's a huge difference for me between the people who changed my nappies as a baby and that I run to if I'm ill, and a woman that although I really like her, I will never be quite that comfortable with!

I think your husband is thinking of this as baby's birth rather than your labour, and although it is both I'm afraid IMO your labour needs to come first in terms of choosing the right attendants and atmosphere etc, as that makes baby's birth safer and easier. MIL shouldn't be there just to be "fair".

 

[Feronia]

I agree with the PP who say to only invite people with whom you would be completely comfortable. My own experience is that if someone is there who you don't want to be there, your labour will slow down. You get to decide 100% who is there, not your OH, since you're the one doing all the work. Don't feel pressured to have someone there who you aren't 100% sure about!

 

[tallybee]

Unlike a lot of PPs, I had a room full lol and am glad I did. I had my mom, dad, sister, husband, and midwife. Original plan had been for everyone but DH and MW to go once labour got started properly, but I never felt I wanted them to go, so they stayed and made themselves useful fetching warmer water for the pool, passing me the G&A, etc, and my sister cut the cord (DH didn't want to, he's a bit squeamish). It helped DH I think, as my mom and sister in particular were really calm and chilled and it helped my (rather nervous) DH to feel he didn't have sole responsibility IYSWIM, and to see that these other people who love me just as much as he does were not worried about me. This time I would probably have just DH and MW, but I wouldn't rule out my mom or sister again (dad was great but less calm than the women - it's funny in the photos the only tension you see the whole time is on the faces of the two men).

On the other hand, I wouldn't have MIL, and I really like my MIL and have known her for almost 10 years now. There's a huge difference for me between the people who changed my nappies as a baby and that I run to if I'm ill, and a woman that although I really like her, I will never be quite that comfortable with!

I think your husband is thinking of this as baby's birth rather than your labour, and although it is both I'm afraid IMO your labour needs to come first in terms of choosing the right attendants and atmosphere etc, as that makes baby's birth safer and easier. MIL shouldn't be there just to be "fair".

100% spot on