Miscarriage 1 week ago :'(.. Sister is pregnant happy for her but feel that I can't t

[isela12]

I just don't know, what to do I had a MC 1 week ago, this is my 5th MC
I being feeling that I'm in denial, I just feel that I have to be strong and act like everything is ok, when I know deep down I feel so devastated and depress.

I just don't want my family or hubby to know this, don't get me wrong there really supported. The thing is I have two sisters that are pregnant one it's almost 6 months, and my other sister it's 9 weeks in fact we found out we were pregnant on the same week, and we're really close, I know she feels bad for me but I just act like everything it's ok, cause I don't want her to feel bad, cause my pregnancy ended and hers it's doing well, I'm happy for her, but I just feel that I can't tell them that I feel devastated I just want to cry none stop, and just can't I being holding in all my feelings.

How do I deal with this? You would think that after 5 MC I would know, but it's just worse each time, I don't understand why this is happening I'm trying so hard not to loose faith and sometimes it's really hard. It gets me so mad when different people tell me oh it happens for a reason it wasn't meant to be it's just like really

I'm sorry if I'm venting out but here is the only place that I can actually said how I really feel without feeling bad.

 

[maryanne1987]

I'm so sorry for your losses, recurring miscarriges are hard, there's an expectation that you have to be strong, that you can't show your upset, in a way you should be used to it. But it doesn't get easier and holding it in is no good for you. Have you considered a grief councillor? Some one who you can talk to without having to worry, where you can just let your feelings out. I have one, who I still see and she's amazing. Have you spoken to any medical professionals at all regarding the losses and why they are happening?

 

[lesondemavie]

No need to apologize for venting. People say so many well meaning things that actually just make it worse. I try to focus more on their intention than their words in those moments, but it is not easy.

I'm so very sorry to read that you have been through so much . Miscarriage is devastating every single time. I don't think it is something you can learn to accept.

As for your sister, I would hope she would understand. My husband's sister is due in July. We're not close, but she was sending us updates along the way. I wrote to her and let her know that while we're thrilled for her, our sadness may make it hard for us to share in her joy. She thankfully understood completely, and gave us our space to heal. I hate that this mc is taking away from the happiness I do still have in my life, but it's hard to feel much else when you're still grieving. I hope by the time I meet my little nephew to be my heart will be healed enough to sing with joy. I think it's ok if it isn't though. Every time I get mad at myself for not being stronger, DH chuckles and says, "I hate to break it to you, but as amazing as you are, you're not superhuman." You can't keep sacrificing yourself for others. You're hurting, and when you're ready, you need to let yourself break down before you can rebuild (even if that means bringing some of that sadness into your sister's happy world).