Missed miscarriage

[klsltsp]

Hey Becky

I hope you're feeling better today, and that today is a good day I'm sorry to hear about the anxiety, be sure to keep an eye on yourself and talk to your doc if you need to!

I know what you mean about having a mc being "normal" which sucks because it's soo hard it's kind of a catch 22, it's nice to have people who understand what you're going through, but it sucks that sooo many people understand.. if that makes any sense at all.

On the up side the chance of second mc is very low, especially where we've already had at least 1 baby. I'm a statistics person hahaha so that gives me a lot of comfort, knowing that we shouldn't have to go through this again. My heart aches for those who have had mc's without having a baby, it must be so scary to think you'll never be a mom.. at least we know that our body knows how to do this and it was just plain bad luck. When I was in the hospital, I asked my doc about it especially because I was 37, and he said that it was just bad luck, not to worry. I trust him a lot so that helps too!!

I feel very lucky to have come out of what I went through with my uterus in tact and me healthy that I think I'm destined to have another baby.. because otherwise I wouldn't need this uterus!!

I know what you mean about just wanting to be pregnant.. me too I hope it's a fast conception once I get the ok... are you doing opks? hopefully you'll catch that first egg!! then I'll hopefully only be a month or so behind you!! My OH has never wanted to "try" so to speak, but we were talking last night and I told him I'd like to "try" for the first 2 cycles, if I get the ok on Feb 26, and if I'm not pregnant then we can relax and let it happen... the first 2 cycles would give us a 2014 baby...

My goal the next time I'm pregnant is to not tell my OH until I've had an u/s showing that there is a heartbeat and all is good... not sure if I can pull it off, since I get pretty sick fast!! but he is such a worrier.. he worries about everything so I'd like for him not to have that stress at the very beginning if possible. This has always been what he wanted, after what we just went through though he wasn't sure if he still wanted me to try and hide it, since if something goes wrong, he says it would be hard to find out i was pregnant and then lose it all in one day... tough choice!!! Especially since I have to have an u/s as soon as I know I'm pregnant to check where the baby implants, and if it's low in my uterus, then we may need to terminate.... sigh... But I know it's going to be perfect next time!!! I'm just worried about twins and whether my uterus could handle 2...

Anyways I've babbled on long enough glad Freya is keeping you occupied, they are soo cute right now I looove this age!

BTW have you tried a hpt yet?

Kim

 

[Mrs W 11]

Hey Kim,

Thanks for your message. I am definitely having more good days than bad now and feeling much more positive. Its so true what they say about time being the best healer! I am also trying to keep busy and treat myself with a glass of wine or hot bath and a book when I want one and enjoy blue cheeses and things I wont be able to have again when I get pregnant!! Positive thinking!!

How are you feeling this week?

Yes I agree it’s sad that having a MC is so common and to have to realize that first hand. To me it was always something very sad that happened to other people. For some reason although I was scared of something going wrong when I was pregnant I still never fully expected this. It’s so scary and I know my next pregnancy will be fraught with nerves even more so now. Totally agree though that I am so thankful this happened after I had my DD. I know I can get pregnant and carry a healthy baby to term so I know I can do it again. Had this happened before my DD I would have been petrified there was a problem with me. Plus our los keep us busy whereas before her I would have let it consume me totally.

Have you caught fairly quickly with your last pregnancies? I have done, last time was the first month trying so I am hoping it will be pretty quick again next time but who knows. I am trying to look at the positives whenever I can and catching in the next few months will mean we would have a newborn around Christmas which I love idea of! Taking a baby home all wrapped up and festive and sitting by the tree gazing at my new squishy with the twinkly lights around us! PLUS having our last babies in summer meant I spent all summer indoors busy with a newborn and when things finally got easier around 6 months and she could sit up and didn’t bf as much it was winter. Doing it the other way round would be fun.

Gosh – I don’t think I could hide being pregnant from my dh for that long but I totally understand why you have agreed to try. I will be here to talk to at any time when it happens so I hope that could help in some tiny way?! And yes it is going to be perfect next time!!

My HPT are negative now which is great but I am still getting a faint line on opks. Some ladies here have said it must be lh and my body is trying to ovulate but I am convinced it is traces of hcg because the line is getting fainter. We are bding every other day anyway – just to cover all bases!! I just hope I get some signs of ov next week as I don’t know how long we can keep this teenagers honeymoon thing going on haha!!!

Have you got any plans for the weekend?

Becky xx

 

[MrsNicNac]

I just wanted to say thank you to this post, reading your stories has made me feel so much better and more positive. Although it's not nice as I wouldn't wish this on anyone it is reassuring that other people are going through the same thing and that my feelings are mirroring other people. I've actually had such long conversations with my husband about it all and although it probably isn't it but he's gone out yesterday to buy himself zinc tablets. After our first miscarriage he took zinc tablets and we then went onto having s healthy baby. It's probably coincidence but he didn't do it this time and I took some other tablets. It's just lovely that he's trying to help and I feel that the next time we have both been active in trying. The first and second miscarriage he had an attitude of "let's see what happens" with my healthy pregnancy he was involved and it seems like he wants to get involved this time. Phew apologies I didn't realise the post would be so long, I've not really told any friends thus time as I struggled with all of the questions last time

 

[Mrs W 11]

Hi mrsnicnac, I'm sorry you've been through the same it's so hard but I have found chatting to others on here who have been through similar has really helped me. I've also found focusing on the future and trying again has made me more positive so planning with your dh is a great idea.

Come and chat to us anytime xx

 

[MrsNicNac]

It does, I'm intending to go out and eat everything today that you are told to avoid. Good luck in ttc

 

[Mrs W 11]

I've been there mrsnicnac! In two and a bit weeks since my mc I've had a lot of wine, blue cheese, goats cheese, rare steak, cheesecake, mousse! I'm enjoying every second with the firm belief that very soon ill be denying myself again for a baby. Got to keep thinking positive!! Enjoy your food today and I hope soon you won't be allowed any of it for 9 happy months xxx

 

[klsltsp]

Hey Ladies

Hope you're doing well. Yeah talking definately helps!! I too have been indulging in things I'm not supposed to

Becky I too fell pregnant easily with both of my DS's, my first I had been on bcp for 10 years, and got pregnant on my 3 rd month, if I had known that I have a 21 day cycle, I think it would have been sooner. With my second DS, I was again on bcp, and got pregnant the 2nd month off, so I'm hoping this time (since I'm back on bcp) that I will get pregnant the 1st month hahaha

That's a great idea about zinc tablets... my doc has me taking the prenatal and a total of 5 mg of folic acid, the prenatal only has 1 mg, so I'm taking an extra 4 mg.

Becky hard to know about your levels, but the negative hpt is good, I always thought that the opks only picked up hcg starting at around 40 whereas some hpt measure down to 10.. not sure what that means for you hahaha

Well I haven't heard about my gallbladder surgery being on the 3rd of Feb... sigh.. so I'm guessing that means March 17... maybe... I don't want to wait that long.. since I don't want to stop ttc.. assuming I'll get the all clear on 26th of Feb...

Wait and see!!

Becky I hope you're preggo before then!!!

Nic I'm not sure if your plan is to wait or not, but whatever it is I hope you get what you're looking for!!!

Take care ladies, it's been VERY cold here this week, I know it's Canada, but it's -37 degrees celsius, which is -34 Farenheit!!!

Kim

 

[Mrs W 11]

-34?!!! Oh my goodness Kim!!! I can't even imagine how cold that is!! It's cold here at I think it's been about 4 degrees!! Brrrrrr.

I lived in New Hampshire for a year and I loved the snow!

That's good news that you feel quickly with your two sons so fingers crossed once you get the go ahead to ttc it will happen quickly. I'm sure the more we get to know our bodies and cycles and the more we learn the easier it gets.

What a pain about your gall bladder surgery! If you do get the go ahead will you have to wait for the surgery or if you got pregnant could it wait until after baby comes? I hope you get the all clear 26th feb. if you have surgery on 17th march when can you ttc after, would it be straight away? That would mean a Christmas baby wouldn't it? How exciting! As long as you aren't in labour Christmas Day!

I hope so, I'm starting to get a bit nervous really as my coping mechanism has been to assume ill be pregnant very soon and if that doesn't happen because my body isn't ready or for whatever reason I think I will take it very hard. Still ill keep my fingers crossed!

I'm out with my team from work tonight as we are being treated for meeting our pre Xmas target. I'm getting a lift which will be great so I can enjoy the free wine!!

Do you ladies have any exciting plans this weekend?

I was meeting friends today, got to my car and had a flat tyre was a brand new tyre as well grrrrr. So I couldn't meet my friends.

Nicnac are you planning a break for now or do you think you might want to ttc soon again? It's so personal. For me the minute I knew I'd miscarried I wanted to try again but that isn't the same for everyone, I know many ladies need time and space to grieve first.

Have lovely weekends ladies and thanks for the chat on this thread. I look forward to catching up with you when I see this thread in my subscriptions! Really cheers me up and I hope we are lucky now and can stay and chat through our pregnancies xx

 

[klsltsp]

Becky

Yeah -34 is FREEZING... exposed skin will freeze.. I love the snow too, we're outside a lot, Cameron loves his sled as long as he's holding his hockey stick (hahaha we're so canadian). This winter has been hard it's been either really really cold or lots of snow!

I really hope your body cooperates and you're pregnant again soon!! positive thinking is huge. I think as long as you are focused on ttc, that even if it takes a few months it will help.

As for my gallbladder, my ob said last week if I can have it out in a month or so then do it, otherwise we can wait it out until after I am pregnant. We will just manage that risk. Because of my age the priority is getting pregnant. There is no wait necessary after the galbladder surgery to wait to ttc.. it would just depend how my cycles fall.

My oh and I have decided that if I get the ok on Feb 26, then we'll try really hard for my first 2 cycles, these would give us a 2014 baby. If I'm not pregnant on those 2 cycles then we'll go back to not worrying too much about it. And I don't need to worry about labour on Christmas, since I'll be a scheduled c-section I was anyways but with my recent uterus issues, no question I can't deliver naturally. He actually said it was the only risk, that if I go into labour at 31 weeks, then the baby would come out at 31 weeks. The good news is that I have no history of early labour, my first I was induced at 40 weeks and my second I was a scheduled c-section at 39 weeks, both times there was no sign of anything happening on it's own.

Nice that you're getting out with your friends and having some "you" time always important. What kind of work do you do again?

No exciting plans here for the weekend, other than the temperature is supposed to "warm up" haha I use that term loosely enough that we're going to play hockey on the outdoor rink in our neighbourhood.

Have a great weekend!!

Kim

 

[MrsNicNac]

Oh my goodness I'm usually complaining when it goes below 10, am definitely not a winter person. Having a bit of a wobble day, started so positive and was thinking logically in my head. Have managed to find quite a few stories where people have had a miscarriage, then healthy pregnancy, followed by miscarriage then healthy. So I'm quite positive already about the next one. Then this afternoon it all went wrong. It's not helping that I'm still getting symptoms. Ideally I want to try again asap but I also want to have at least 1 period. I've been really lucky in the past that I've fallen pregnant within 3 cycles and I know I need to avoid November as I have to get on a flight for a wedding. I just feel rubbish and want to fast forward a couple of months.

 

[Mrs W 11]

Mrsnicnac I absolutely understand, I still have days where I'm able to be really positive and I surprise myself with how ok I am, followed by a few days that floor me again. The last few days have been like that....... I feel shocked and devastated about what's happened and can't stop thinking how pregnant I should be by now. I'm sad and wish I knew the reason this happened. I'm terrified of getting pregnant and something going wrong again but I'm also terrified I won't get pregnant again. I'm stressed about ttc and I know I'm focusing too much on it, but believing ill be pregnant soon is all that's keeping me going. So yeh. I totally understand. Take one day at a time Hun and if you need a day of being sad, try and go with it. It's part of the grieving process. I'm here anytime you want to talk.

Brrrr I'm not a winter person either! I like spring and summer so roll on the better weather in the uk!! I do quite like snow though so I'm hoping we get some if that soon instead of just rain, rain, rain!!

Kim that's good that the gallbladder surgery isn't urgent so if you fall pregnant you can wait and have it done afterwards. I remember you being a scheduled c section last time. I ended up with an emergency c section but they've said I can try naturally next time as long as I spontaneously go into labour and progress within a fairly good time. I can't be induced and if labour doesn't progress it will be c section as I had a major bleed after. I was absolutely set on natural birth but the mmc has put it into perspective a lot. I just want a baby! Plus I've heard elective sections are much better on you than emergency. Was your first ds a section as well?

I sat and read the whole of the summer sugar babies thread last night. How is your work now as you had some big issues with your boss at the time?

It was silly of me to read it really. I remembered how many of the group had mc around the 8-12 week mark which was very sad and I now understand more how they must have felt. But then I read on and started to compare how I 'should' be feeling now, excited for my 20 week scan and stuff as my edd with the mmc was 2 days after Freya's bday. It just made me feel really sad.

I'm a sales & revenue manager for hospitality. I only do 3 days a week now I've got Freya so that gives me the best of both worlds really. I enjoy my job and then I still get 4 days with her. Are you full time or part time?

Well going to try and have an early night tonight. All this dtd every other day is tiring! My cervix is high and the beginnings of ewcm so hopefully those are good signs.

 

[klsltsp]

Wow Becky! I can't believe you read that whole thread! But yeah you're right I do understand now how all of those ladies must have felt, I didn't truly understand back then. On the positive side, I think they all went on to have babies very soon after.

My first DS was an emergency c-section, and my recovery was hard, with my planned c-section with Cameron what a difference!!! I think because they could take their time etc. I was up playing road hockey with my older son 5 days after the c-section, it was soooo easy!!!! I wasn't allowed to try and vbac because I have a fibroid that sits almost on my cervix but I was surprised at how low the risks were, I actually started to maybe consider it but to be honest I'm glad I didn't I wouldn't have wanted another emergency c-section having the rough recovery would be even harder with a little on at home.

That's nice that you get the best of both worlds, sounds like an interesting job!!! yeah my work is the same.. they did an investigation and apparently it's totally acceptable to come on to your staff... in writting on work email... sigh... I work with the military and it's very much an old boys club... so here I am today still reporting to the same boss... I decided that I needed to take care of my career and just put it all behind me. My first day back at work, I went into his office closed the door and said "okay so you got away with it, I know it, you know it.. I'm over it.. lets just move on" he looked a little stunned said okay and it's been fine ever since. He gives me a lot of flexibility which is great, but I'm pretty sure he is scared of me hahaha

I understand the sadness, the baby I lost was due in May. I would have found out the gender before Christmas I try not to go there, but I do go and look at the thread with the group of ladies on here. I don't post, but I try to be happy for them. I am trying to look at positives for us now etc.

Mrs. Nic hopefully you get your AF soon so that you can get that 1 period behind you, it looks like we all may be bump buddies wouldn't that be nice, since we all seem to fall pregnant relatively easily this was just a little bump in the road for all of us, I know we'll all have our rainbow babies soon.

Becky wow that's lots of bding hahaha that it so tiring, but it sounds like your body is recovering as it should so hopefully you catch that egg!!!

Well I should get back to work

Talk to you lovely ladies soon.

Kim

 

[Conina]

Mrs W I didn't know you were trying already - good for you!! I was just going to wait for one cycle and AF is due this weekend so hopefully we can get going after that. I'm weirdly a bit nervous, people kept telling me that the first AF after a MC will be nothing like your normal AF, so I don't know what to expect...

 

[MrsNicNac]

I'm liking all of the positive talk ladies and I think you are completely right Kim, it is another blip in the road and fingers crossed we all get to be bump buddies, completely understanding what the first 12 weeks are going to be like. I'm positive that we will be lucky again but am also dreading those 12 weeks ago again.
Becky did you wait for your Ad, before starting again? I've pretty much stopped bleeding which is a really good sign and much different to the first time. Think it's what makes it different when it's natural compared to surgery so now it's just the wait. Hope you are managing ok, baby making is tiring work, if only I'd known it's not that simple I would not have worried so much when I was younger, to think of the time I was in the doctors at 19 in hysterics saying they have to help me, I couldn't fall pregnant, my Dad would have hung, drawn and quartered me.
Kim what a horrible situation to be in but looks like you'll have no more issues, I doubt he would be that stupid to think he could get away with it again

Conina I remember after my first miscarriage it just been heavier than normal but it was also shorter. Hopefully not much behind you then we can start again

Well hope everyone has a good day, I've got the mother in law on her way round, she is insisting that she sees me, lovely but much rather not today, this afternoon I was booked to have a scan so dreading this afternoon a little and not really in the mood for putting on a brave face.
Speak you all soon

 

[Mrs W 11]

Kim you are right I think most of the ladies got preg pretty soon after.

That's interesting that you def agree recovery after elective section is better than emergency. Obviously not something I need to worry about now but it had been on my mind a bit when I was pregnant. I think I'll try vaginal but both options are worth considering. We don't have family nearby so knowing the date the baby would be born would be a huge advantage for us!

Wow good for you for standing up to your boss, I bet that showed him not to mess with you! It's amazing that there are still areas where stuff like that happens really. I'm always amazed at work at how chefs get away with swearing and shouting because that's how it is in kitchens, if I acted like that in the office is be fired!!

I unsubscribed to all the July edd threads, can't face the reminder I'm feeling awful today as my beloved, amazing cat died in December and I picked up his ashes today. It really brought it all back and I sobbed!!

Hi conina, yep we decided to try first month! It's 3 weeks since my mc and I suspect I may have oved in the last few days but I'm not certain. I hope your first af is ok. Are you ttc next cycle?

Mrsnic I'm usually really positive but struggling today! I'm so confused by my cycle and I like control! I didn't wait for first af and maybe I should have but I'm just desperate to be pregnant again.... To be continued dd has woken up outside tesco...... Xx

 

[MrsNicNac]

Oh I'm so sorry you've had such a rough day - I think I've would have had gone into melt down if I'd picked up ashes today.
I fully understand the feeling of lack of control, as I hate not knowing what's going on. Try not to be too hard on yourself, it's a frightening thing not knowing what's going in in our bodies, especially as we get so intuned with them when trying to get pregnant.I also don't think there is a right or wrong way and which ever we do we will always be thinking what ifs. Hope your day got better xxx

 

[Conina]

Mrs W, you say you're confused by your cycle without waiting for AF, I did wait for AF, and I'm STILL confused!!

I was expecting AF tomorrow or Sat probably. But about lunchtime yesterday it started. Really heavy and clotty for a few hours. And then... it stopped. Totally. I had a pad in last night and it was totally unmarked, there's nothing even when I wipe.

Maybe it'll start up again but if it doesn't I'm totally confused. Was that my AF or just a weird post-MC thing???

 

[Mrs W 11]

We're you ttc conina? Could you be pregnant? I had a similar implant bleed with my dd, assumed it was af as was bright red but it only lasted a day ish. It's all so confusing after a mc and you want to try and understand what's happening! I feel for you. X

Thanks mrs nic, I'm feeling much better today! We have a long weekend off together now so am feeling happy.

I'm starting to wonder if I have ovulation symptoms these days, it's all very odd. Last cycle straight after ovulation I had heartburn and my boobs felt tender, I felt pregnant but I knew people would say it was too soon to tell. Ended up that I was pregnant. Anyway this cycle I feel the same again!! Anything I read says its too early for any symptoms and common sense tells me I'm unlikely to catch first month again so maybe I'm experiencing ovulation symptoms. Odd though that I never have before! X

 

[MrsNicNac]

How exciting, I can't believe how on tender hooks I'm feeling right now. dam the 2ww xxx and a lovely long week end to look forward too xxx

 

[Mrs W 11]

Are you ttc this cycle mrs nic or waiting for first af? Are you doing opks or anything!

I know I am unlikely to catch this cycle given I did first time last time too but I'm feeling optimistic just to be in the tww already (assuming I did ov!) xx