Mixed Messages - Long, sorry!

[twistedwheel]

I had a mc in Feb, the only one I've ever had. I seem to have had an easy time physically, in that I didn't have a lot of pain or majorly heavy bleeding during the mc. Although emotionally it devestated dh and I.

After the initial upset and tears had been delt with, within days I wanted to get back on the ttc wagon! So as soon as the bleeding stopped we started ttc again.

Although I feel like I am still so confused. I want another child more than anything else in the world. I still think about the baby we lost every day. I had a good chat with dh this morning who said I was kind of giving him mixed messages in that I want to dtd ALL the time then, all of a sudden, I am terrified of dtd. I'm more scared that if we got a bfp and I had another mc, it could be so much worse physically and I'm not sure I could cope with that. DH says I should think positive, and I know I should, but every now and again I get a niggle in the back of my mind that tells me I am mad for wanting to run the risk of an hurrendous mc. DH suggested going on the pill for a couple of months just until I don't think I will mc again, but I feel like that would upset me so much because it means there would be no chance of getting that bfp I so badly want.

How have you ladies managed to keep the thoughts away of another mc happening again?

 

[hollyw79]

I know it's so hard hun. I think we ALL are petrified of it happening again. It's one of those things that you just have to take a total leap of faith on honestly. You can't let the fear of the bad overtake you, ya know??? It's one of those things... similar to falling in love.. where you have to close your eyes and just pray it all works out. It takes a huge cup of faith!!!!

 

[Spoomie]

So sorry for you. I have posted on here before that m/c robs you of the innocent joy in future pregnancies. Unfortunately it just goes with the territory and it's not a club any of us would choose to be members of. While those who have not experienced loss can enjoy the time carefree, we over analyse every twinge and sign with fear and dread. That said (I have had 3 m/c and have a wonderful 2 year old son) I would go through the pain and despair of loss another 10 times if it meant I'd get my baby at the end of it. Be patient with yourself x

 

[twistedwheel]

Thanks girls. I totally get what you say spoomie about losing your innocence of pregnancy. I was so deluded the first time round when having my ds, I didn't even think I would mc or have any worries for his health or mine. He was born really poorly and underwent major surgeries at 2 days old and again at 5 days old. He has since had 15 surgeries.

So when I got my bfp this time, with the mc, I was completely aware that I could have a baby that was poorly and any number of things could happen. I was still completely unprepared for a mc.

We have been referred for genetics because of ds history and now the mc. I do still want to ttc while awaiting the appointment, I'm not even sure I want testing to be honest but would like to ask some questions to ease my mind. My thoughts on it are, if we knew we had any genetic anomolies before ttc ds we may never have had him. And, despite all of his health issues I wouldn't change him for the world, it makes him who he is.

Sorry I am rambling. x

 

[Spoomie]

Not rambling at all, just writing what you feel. It is a real dilemma whether or not to test, especially when you can put it in the context of would you/wouldn't you have proceeded with the pregnancy of you son. Prior to my last m/c, and given my age, I had always thought I would be prepared to undergo a procedure like an amnio and then to make an 'informed decision'. However, when I miscarried at 12 weeks late last year I was given the opportunity to see and hold our baby (the Drs were careful not to call him/her a baby but s/he so clearly was) and having seen and experienced that, I have now reevaluated my take on whether or not I'd still be able to make that same 'informed decision', were I to be told that something is wrong with my next baby. I hope this doesn't offend anyone who has been faced with this x

 

[MsJMouse]

So sorry for your loss. It is so true about the loss of innocence in pregnancy after a MC - definately not something I would ever wish on anyone. I waver between excited at the thought of getting a BFP and dread that this might all happen again.

But I am keen to have a baby so we have decided to try again and be what may. Life likes to throw curve balls but in the end everything works out as it should, sometimes it just takes a bit longer to get there.

Good luck with your genetics appt, I hope you get your questions answered.

 

[JPARR01]

So sorry you are going through this. I am actually terrified to see a BFP when we start to TTC again... Hopefully that feeling goes away. I wish you the best of luck! xx

 

[hollyw79]

So sorry you are going through this. I am actually terrified to see a BFP when we start to TTC again... Hopefully that feeling goes away. I wish you the best of luck! xx

I hear you on that.. very happy yet scary moment at the same time!

 

[twistedwheel]

Thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings. It is a comfort to know people feel the same and I am not just going mad! Had a weird couple of days, I seemed to have coped resonably well with the mc but the last couple of days I have once again got lots of questions. But, I don't think those questions will ever go away. Just a case of addressing them and moving on. But I think it will take time.

Seperately from the op, how long did you take you all to get a bfn after your mc's?! I still haven't had af stince the mc and I am tempted to test, just to see the bfn so I know it is just a waiting game and all the hcg has left my system. But also scared in case it is still positive from the mc because I think it would be upsetting!

Like I said, I had a resonably easy time, bled for around days, symptoms went as soon as the bleeding started and I felt back to normal physically within about 6-7 days. Do you think I should test? xxx

 

[hollyw79]

Thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings. It is a comfort to know people feel the same and I am not just going mad! Had a weird couple of days, I seemed to have coped resonably well with the mc but the last couple of days I have once again got lots of questions. But, I don't think those questions will ever go away. Just a case of addressing them and moving on. But I think it will take time.

Seperately from the op, how long did you take you all to get a bfn after your mc's?! I still haven't had af stince the mc and I am tempted to test, just to see the bfn so I know it is just a waiting game and all the hcg has left my system. But also scared in case it is still positive from the mc because I think it would be upsetting!

Like I said, I had a resonably easy time, bled for around days, symptoms went as soon as the bleeding started and I felt back to normal physically within about 6-7 days. Do you think I should test? xxx

I would test.. I wanted to make sure I got a BFN so if and when I did get a BFP< I would know for sure it's legit and totally not related to the mc. I think it's a good thing to do too because if you still get a BFP, there might still be retained tissue from the mc and it's important to be aware of that. I know it's hard, I really do.. but I saw it more as a stepping stone- getting 100% past the mc and 100% able to move forward. I was thankful to not get a BFP honestly.. I was worried that I might have some sort of complication or whatever and the BFN confirmed there wasn't.

I got a BFN around 12 days after the mc- which is right around when the bleeding completely stopped.

 

[mememe123]

Check my stat below.. I had mc first preggo

My second pregnancy, first child, was the hardest pregnancy of all. I was a constant worry and basket case to say the least. I tend to have spotting through all my pregnancies which did not help. I have to say though i got through it and I have a beautiful girl and another once since. My docs were suportive and I think they knew I was a basket case so they gave me extra care i needed. Like ultrasunds every 4-6 weeks in beggining etc. bc i was worried and the spotting.

It is hard to take that leap of faith like Holly said .. but you can do it!! You have everyone here to back you up as well.

 

[twistedwheel]

I am going to test this evening, dh is just out at the supermarket and is going to buy me a digi test to do. Hopefully that will put my mind at rest after seeing the result.

I am really grateful for you ladies replying, normally I speak to my sister about everything like this as we are really close but we both found out we were pregnant at the same time and due within days of one and other. Since my mc I think we are both finding it tough to share our feelings as we normally would for fear of upsetting each other. So it's all a bit weird! xxx