MMC ..heartbroken

[marina294]

Went for our nuchal scan today.from the beginning despite only having two previous healthy pregnancies I had this awful feeling something wasn't right.well today I had our scan and straight away saw baby was too small the tech asked if she could do a TV ultrasound so I sent my hubby and kids out.only got an appt at short notice so no childcare. Anyway she confined baby's heart stopped beating 8+3. I feel awful I have an appt tomorrow at different hospital to discuss options. I just want to keep crying uttrying of to for my kids. Hubby thinks its his fault somehow though I assured him otherwise, he is trying to say the right things. I asked him to drop girls to his parents tomorrow for the appt but they asked if easier to come to us.I said to my husband no I don't want to see them yet I don't want the awkward feeling and fil usually says something inappropriate in these situations. Hubby says he doesn't understand why I feel that way but I don't feel ready yet

 

[sunshine2014]

I am so sorry.. I hve had two mmc. They are so heartbreaking and you feel betrayed by your body. I am sorry you got blindsided at the ultrasound. Take care of yourself and make sure you do things your way, the way that you feel most comfortable. Everyone else will understand.

 

[Teeny Weeny]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
My heart goes out to you. Xx

 

[busytulip]

I am sorry for your loss. Whatever you're feeling is okay and normal. If you aren't ready to deal with family just be honest.

 

[InTheVerse]

I'm so sorry. It's such a shock on top of all the other emotions. Its not abnormal to want to shut yourself off for a bit, especially if someone is known to be insensitive. I did it for a week myself and thought i was weird but spoke to the miscarriage association and they told me it was normal given how shocking the news and how overwhelmed you feel it's not surprising.

 

[Natasha2605]

I'm so sorry

 

[marina294]

Thank you for the kind words I'm so up and down at the moment.I didn't think it possible for my heart to hurt so much I had the erpc but they tore my cervix and I lost a lot of blood and my bp crashed after so ended up staying in hospital all day on my own.I just desperately wanted to get home.I still not keen on seeing people.mil I know really cares has text every day but keeps hinting to see me ..I didn't reply and she just sent a text saying we will see you before you go away. we had a mini Easter break booked...why does she need to push I don't mind but I don't want to talk about it
.BIL is round today gave me a hug and said sorry I said thanks relieved it was left at that then he starts asking how far along we were etc and I'm trying my hardest not to burst into tears. I feel so clingy to my dh at the moment.he is trying so hard to make me feel better but had to go back to work and when he came home he said gently come on babe you need to get happy we will get through this and I just felt so low and burst to tears in front of him and the kids which I've tried not to do I just said would you say that to someone who lost there wife or husband. I know he is upset to but he never shows feelings so I kinda feel on my own at the moment sorry for the mixed up ramble x

 

[InTheVerse]

Oh OP you've had a massive medical trauma on top of everything too, that's awful. Your husband needs to be firm with his mother, maybe he should go and see her if he wants to but she shouldn't push herself on you at this time. It's not what you need or deserve, even if she thinks it for the best.

I relaly find peole dont know what to say or do. Some are great and just say sorry and admit they don't know what to say or do, some say sorry and then ask questions you don't want to answer, some won't let you talk and talk over you rather then listen It's always better if people let you lead the conversation, just say sorry and then let you talk about everything or change the subject.

You don't need to get happy, you feel what you feel when you do and no one can change your emotion or make you ashamed of them- no matter how good the intention. I was told 'you need to look on the positive and don't wallow' by someone and that was very hurtful. I'd really recommend going onto the Miscarriage Association site (below) there's leaflets there, they helped my husband and I a lot. He may be trying to be the picker upper to keep things going, he may feel if he tries to talk about it he'll no longer be able to do that and then things will be worse.

If you want to talk over pm, please feel free to message me. I was (and am to some extent) very clingy with my husband. When he went back to work, I felt like I could barely function and it took a while before I started feeling less so. Being here and talking to the MA really helped, blogging did too ut it's a matter of finding what helps you because everyone is different. I hope you are okay.

https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/information/leaflets/

 

[busytulip]

Thinking of you Marina

Agreeing with PP-she gave loads of great advice.

 

[marina294]

Oh OP you've had a massive medical trauma on top of everything too, that's awful. Your husband needs to be firm with his mother, maybe he should go and see her if he wants to but she shouldn't push herself on you at this time. It's not what you need or deserve, even if she thinks it for the best.

I relaly find peole dont know what to say or do. Some are great and just say sorry and admit they don't know what to say or do, some say sorry and then ask questions you don't want to answer, some won't let you talk and talk over you rather then listen It's always better if people let you lead the conversation, just say sorry and then let you talk about everything or change the subject.

You don't need to get happy, you feel what you feel when you do and no one can change your emotion or make you ashamed of them- no matter how good the intention. I was told 'you need to look on the positive and don't wallow' by someone and that was very hurtful. I'd really recommend going onto the Miscarriage Association site (below) there's leaflets there, they helped my husband and I a lot. He may be trying to be the picker upper to keep things going, he may feel if he tries to talk about it he'll no longer be able to do that and then things will be worse.

If you want to talk over pm, please feel free to message me. I was (and am to some extent) very clingy with my husband. When he went back to work, I felt like I could barely function and it took a while before I started feeling less so. Being here and talking to the MA really helped, blogging did too ut it's a matter of finding what helps you because everyone is different. I hope you are okay.

https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/information/leaflets/

Just wanted to pop back on now I'm feeling a little better to say thank you for your lovely advice and I wanted you to know your words gave me great comfort at a very low time as well as the other ladies so thank you again

 

[InTheVerse]

Just wanted to pop back on now I'm feeling a little better to say thank you for your lovely advice and I wanted you to know your words gave me great comfort at a very low time as well as the other ladies so thank you again

I'm so glad you are feeling a bit better OP and the words brought you comfort.