Moms who had nightmare deliveries..

[Lissidoll123]

Mine was traumatic and I felt really traumatised after t he birth. I just kept running thro what had happened.

It's only now that I feel I can talk about it without crying. I think it helped reading through my notes and understanding why everything happened the way it did. My oh has been amazing and so understanding, which I think has helped me massively as I felt like a bit of an idiot after crying all the time over it.

Xxx

 

[AP]

I'll be honest mine didnt go as I imagined births to go, but I'll be honest - the following birth was fine but actually resurrected thoughts of how unjust my first birth was. It really was so upsetting not being able to blank out thoughts of "my first should have had this opportunity of a healthy strong start". Having another baby didnt make it right for me.

I don't complain about it though. I feel sadness, but more for her than me. but my little girl is still here and I could have been turned inside out and I still wouldn't care.

Well, that's what gets me by

 

[NotNic]

I'm so sorry that you guys had such horrible experiences. I don't think of my experience as being bad, but my sister recently had her baby and her mw asked about my labour and I was really surprised that she said 'poor thing' and offered sympathy. It took me a while to process it in my head, but I never felt bad. I always say that my labour was good except the last two hours. My b2b son got stuck and after 2hrs of pushing I was transferred to the labour ward. They tried manually moving him (Much more painful than anything else) and decided that I needed to go to theatre, probably to have a csection. I waited 2 more hours without pain relief before I was given a spinal and luckily had a forcep delivery. The nurses kept reassuring me, but tbh I never felt bad but I do feel like I was 'good at labour' if that makes sense and it was irritating not to see it through myself. I do regret that I wasn't able to hold my son though and was just useless those first few hours.

 

[Kirstyh249]

I had a pretty traumatic time aswell I went in for my 38 week check and my little boys heart (didn't kno the sex at the time) had dropped so they told me to go to the hospital for an ECG by the time I got to the hospital @ 11 oclock his heart had dropped to dangerously low so I was rushed into theatre and put asleep I then lost 3 litres of blood and had to have several transfusions my little one was born at 11.16 so just shows how quick it was but he was perfect , it was terrifying as I was alone my OH didn't have a clue what was happening , I was out of it for the first couple of days so I can't remember seeing my liitle man for the first time that is the worst part ! I was struggling to come to terms with it and was diagnosed with post traumatic stress syndrome and I have been on tablets for a while which along with talking about it are massively helping ! I still find it hard to deal with the fact I wasn't the first one to see my LO and I don't remember it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong as I feel like it was such a special moment I should be able to remember ! But then I just look at my little man and realise that it was all worth it to make sure he was safe ! Xx

 

[NotNic]

I didn't even get the chance to start being apprehensive about labor. LO was born at barely 32 weeks after I was already in the hospital for close to a week trying to keep him in as long as I could. I had severe pre-e and I could feel my body giving out no matter how hard i tried. Worst thing ever. I do feel like I failed my son even though logically I did nothing wrong. Add on the whole failed breastfeeding (pumped for 7/8 months) only to find out it was an easy fix with tongue tie that we had snipped at 7 months. LO was born via emcs after I had a complete placenta abruption and was bleeding out. It was just so scary seeing the drs flying around and the surgeon asking me what my blood type was as if they wouldn't have enough time to look at the chart. I still have nightmares about feeling myself being forcibly strapped down to the operating room table and DH not allowed to come in with me. He said I almost needed a hysterectomy. But yeah, I want another baby... Call me crazy but I'd love another one. LO was definitely worth it.

You did not fail your son--he is here, alive and well, which means you did a great job even with all you had to endure. i feel the same anxiety when I picture my tiny L&D room filling with doctors and nurses in a manner of seconds. it goes from casual concern to emergency before you've had time to process.

With regards to the tongue-tie, what were the symptoms? I also pump exclusively because LO can't BF... She screams like a banshee when I try!

My son made a slurping sound when he latched and drank. Like drinking a thick milkshake through a straw. He also mullered my nipples. We were told he only had a slight tt and that it wasn't getting in the way of us feeding. We did get there but it took time and we ended up with colic. We used nipple shields to help the healing, but I have friends who used them for latching issues.

 

[Dk1234]

I don't know why but I got over it so quickly. I am very excited to try it again because I desperately want a good birthing experience. I had an awesome labor though so it wasn't all bad, it was just the 3 hours of pushing and delivery that were so bad. The first few weeks and especially the first few days I was so depressed about it. It was seriously so disappointing and such a let down, nothing like I had kmagined giving birth. Looks like ill be doing it again in 6 months so I better buck up.

 

[Jaylynne]

LOs tongue looked heart shaped when he cried and he never was able to stick his tongue out further than his gum line. He had trouble latching and staying latched. The NICU nurses said it was probably because he was a preemie that he had trouble latching. They didn't even check. And I never thought of it until I saw a thread here with pictures. I was SO depressed when I realized I could have breastfed and not messed with pumping as the tongue tie can easily be fixed in the NICU.

Now I can't get him to stop sticking his tongue out and giving raspberries to everyone

 

[LittleBoSheep]

My birth was an okay experience, but the trauma I got was from them trying to give me IVs I have never been squeamish of blood but now I get anxiety and if I even think about my blood being taken I get so anxious - when they tried to put the IV in my left hand it hurt so bad and blood shot out EVERYWHERE I mean it was EVERYWHERE all over the nurse all over the bed and my clothes and it was pouring down my arm and hand!!! It was even on the FLOOR! same thing happened with the other hand except it was able to be put it, and then when it was taken out the same thing happened and I had to apply pressure myself before I bled out!!! my hands were bruised for weeks over that and sore for weeks! They had to change my bed sheets there was so much blood!

 

[mellyboo]

My labor wasn't traumatic or anything but none of it went the way I "imagined" .. I had to be induced at 37 weeks because I had a massive gallbladder issue she was putting so much pressure on it that I couldn't breath I'd be in so much pain from attacks I had only gained 10 pounds and I was only 130lb and I'm 5"7 ... I was admitted in the hosp so many times pipped with pain killers to even regain myself I thought I was dying at times I couldn't even walk oh had to carry me during my attacks and I have pretty good pain management when it comes to pain too ... They did my bloods everytime comes I find out my
Liver was getting shot from the whole ordeal and I too have the guilt I couldn't carry her term I some now think she might of been a better baby she was soo colicky as a NB and we still have bad days .. I was induced as in labor for 4 days it took an Epi for me to actually diliate I stayed at a 2 the whole time with god awful contractions once i got the Epi I didn't feel a thing and went to the full dilation in under 30 mins I think I didn't even feel her coming out !

 

[laila 44]

I had a terrible experience that gave me nightmares for months. I was induced due to severe pre e at 38 weeks, after a failed induction and 26 hrs of agony without the epi ever working I went into emcs with a high fever. Baby was born healthy an perfect but it was me that just went downhill. After my delivery I just continued to swell so much that my legs were burning with pain, despite this I was released. A day later I was re-admitted with fluid in my lungs, at Risk for a pulmonary embolism. That night spent in the hospital changed me forever. They thought my heart was failing and I was sure I wasnt going to see my 4 day old baby again. Turned out one pill is all it took and I peed out 31 pounds of fluid and that was it. I was never in heart failure but rather was drowning from swelling caused by pre e. as terrible as it was, here I am 10 weeks pregnant. I'm praying that this time will be fine.

 

[ShelbyLC]

I almost feel guilty posting in this thread, because my birth was extremely smooth (if you ignore the fact that I was in labor for 2 weeks prior to my twins' birth). My water broke at 10am, I was 6cm at 1:45pm, I was 8-9cm at 2:40pm, and wheeled into the OR at 2:44 to start my c-section. I lost less than the average amount of blood, the whole procedure took less than an hour, and I was off pain meds in 4 days.

But I still hate everything that happened that day. My babies were born at 29+5 and spent 51 & 54 days in the NICU. I felt (and still feel) robbed of all the things most moms get to do with their full term newborns. Beeps and alarms scare the hell out of me. My almost-3-month-olds are just finally fitting well into their newborn clothes. Last week, one of my friends gave birth at 38 weeks. While she was in labor, I was so excited for her, but as soon as her little boy's birth was announced, I got angry. Incredibly angry. I handed the twins over to OH and I went into the bedroom, screamed into my pillow, and cried for half an hour.

I feel guilty for being upset about things like that.

I guess I really did have it easy, delivery-wise. So many people have had it worse. But, I guess, to me - what I had was bad for me, and that's what made it my nightmare.

 

[Jaylynne]

Hoy crap!! 31lbs of fluid?!! That's intense! Glad you're doing better!

 

[Jaylynne]

I almost feel guilty posting in this thread, because my birth was extremely smooth (if you ignore the fact that I was in labor for 2 weeks prior to my twins' birth). My water broke at 10am, I was 6cm at 1:45pm, I was 8-9cm at 2:40pm, and wheeled into the OR at 2:44 to start my c-section. I lost less than the average amount of blood, the whole procedure took less than an hour, and I was off pain meds in 4 days.

But I still hate everything that happened that day. My babies were born at 29+5 and spent 51 & 54 days in the NICU. I felt (and still feel) robbed of all the things most moms get to do with their full term newborns. Beeps and alarms scare the hell out of me. My almost-3-month-olds are just finally fitting well into their newborn clothes. Last week, one of my friends gave birth at 38 weeks. While she was in labor, I was so excited for her, but as soon as her little boy's birth was announced, I got angry. Incredibly angry. I handed the twins over to OH and I went into the bedroom, screamed into my pillow, and cried for half an hour.

I feel guilty for being upset about things like that.

I guess I really did have it easy, delivery-wise. So many people have had it worse. But, I guess, to me - what I had was bad for me, and that's what made it my nightmare.

How could I forget the beeps?? LO was on an apnea monitor for As and Bs for months after he was born. That machine went off and my heart stopped while rushing to him. I do envy those who (to me) have far better birthing experiences. Sometimes I'm tempted to slap a mother who complains about a trivial detail that didn't go to plan.

Sometimes I do think the nightmare delivery makes the bond between my son and myself stronger though. I already showed I'd die for him and I kiss him every night and say a prayer how thankful I am to have him.

 

[alaskagrown]

I had a not-so-pretty labor. It doesn't sound as bad as some others on here, but I was in labor for 36 hours, had my epidural shut off when it came time to push against my wishes, and spent the next 2 hours pushing while PISSED at my doctor. My daughter made no progress (on top of me being utterly exhausted) and had to come out with the vacuum. Worst pain EVER. I still hold a grudge against the doctors for turning off my epidural when I begged them not to

 

[alaskagrown]

I'll also add that I had back labor too...all I could scream for my 2 hours of pushing was the words "my" and "back." When they placed LO on my chest I was in such shock from my delivery that I didn't bond with her AT ALL. All I could do was sit there in horror and shake violently all over with the chills. It took a few weeks for me to warm up to her!

 

[Noodlebear]

I actually find comfort in watching one born every minute sometimes. It reminds me that all the things that happened to me aren't what normally happens and that if I have another chances are it'll be much easier! x

 

[Noodlebear]

Just to share my experience.....
I was in labour for 63 hours as the hospital kept telling me that I wasn't and shouldn't go in. After 2 days I told them I was coming in and wanted to be examined. Was then told that actually I was in active labour and that 'at this stage most people would've been in a couple of times and been on the ward a good few hours' LIVID.
I was there for 4 hours before they offered me any pain relief (in the form of 2 paracetamol) and after a while I had docs in to see me because of a pain in my leg that was worse than my contractions. After a further 3 hours they decided that I might have a blood clot, couldn't give me blood thinners obviously so they needed to hurry things along. Was given an epidural (after a few failed attempts at it I was shaking and pretty frightened) and a stretch and sweep (at this point was SO grateful for the pain relief lol). The midwives weren't happy at all that I was having an epidural and that one of them would have to stay with me and made this known to me.....

When my waters were broken there was meconium in them so there was more panic and they were concerned about LO's heartbeat (but no one actually told me that). They gave me the 'help' button and told me that if his heartrate dropped below 100 I was to push it. It did, drastically and instantly so I pushed the button and told them I thought it was now picking up my heart rate. MW replied with 'no it isn't' sprinted out the room and ran back in with 3 or 4 others.....more panic, more monitoring etc and I was getting pretty worked up.

They then find out (after over 12 hours of me being there) that my son is back to back and making life very difficult. I get the bitch midwife ask 'are you scared? You're pushing and then pulling him back again' this was after I'd been pushing for an hour. She then told me that 'you have to push properly or I'll need to get the doc in and you really don't want that' so now I'm pushing with all my might, a bit dazed as to what's already happened and terrified of the doctor.

Her shift ended (thank the lord!!!! and I'm not even religious ) and another MW came in who looked at me for about 30 seconds and was able to determine that my baby was stuck and no amount of pushing alone would get him out!!! I was also falling asleep between contractions now having been awake for over 62 hours.

So, I had to have a doctor come in - the thing I'd been made to be scared of. After an hr and a half of pushing, an episiotomy, 2 failed ventouse and forceps my son was here. I had the ultrasound on my leg, no blood clot but no explanation as to what else it could've been. Finally after 88 hours solid of no sleep (I kid you not) I was actually able to get my head down.

A day later a new MW discovers that I'm REALLY anaemic and need blood. 4 Canulas - 2 of which weren't even put in veins by the idiot doctors and a load of my blood all over the floor because they left the torniquet on and didn't cover one of the canulas. I had the blood but they left a canula in incase I needed more which was fine til later LO started crying in the night (obviously) and with a canula in each arm I couldn't pick him up so I FINALLY had my cry and a bit of a snap at a MW to get them out of my arms now so I could hold my baby as he wasn't feeding and it was awkward enough getting milk into him without me struggling to hold him.

Went in on the thursday evening and went home monday afternoon.
There was no really huge catastrophic incident as such, so for that I'm extremely lucky and grateful, but more of a constant amount of fuck ups, exhaustion and horrible staff at the hospital.

Not expecting anyone to read all that Just always feels really good to get it out and this post is the perfect place!! to you all x

 

[stephalie]

I'm so happy about this post, I feel really alone about how awful my birth was. It seems like most people I know had a wonderful experience. I had a placenta abruption at 39 weeks, I just woke up one day gushing blood. It was so scary and the whole hospital experience was awful. I had EVERY SINGLE intervention that I was 100% certain I would avoid when I was finally going to give birth. Nothing was explained to me as it was happening, even if it was really important to have they just forced everything on me without explanation. After 20 hours I did not dilate so I needed an EMCS, we both had a 104 degree fever when he was born. I could have lost him, it was really scary. I didn't get to hold him for four hours, I was just sitting up alone in the recovery room knowing I had a baby, but I couldn't see him. I do feel robbed of my initial bonding moments and I'm terrified that it'll happen again with my next baby, but I'm so happy I have him and he made it that it makes everything worth it in some way.

 

[bubbles123]

My body doesn't labour well at all. They think I have a tilted womb which means it takes an age to dilate as the baby's head doesn't push on the neck of the cervix properly. So I never have any urge to push and when I get to fully dilated the contractions just stop so they have to intervene. My son was a ventouse with a drip to increase contractions, a second degree tear and just gas- not nice. My daughter was a failed forceps on the labour ward with just gas and air (OMG the pain!) then rushed to theatre for a section and given a spinal (which was bliss) but they managed to get her out with forceps in theatre.

I'm OK with birth programmes but I'm scared of forceps and I sit in the corner squirming if I see them.

What helped me I think was that I have always just seen labour as something you get through and just wanted baby and I to be OK. I never had an idea in my head about wanting a certain birth and have always just accepted that that is just how my body labours and I'm just glad they can help me now where as in the past I would have probably died. I have made peace with it all in my mind now.

 

[wifey29]

I had a very rough delivery and seven months on am still struggling to come to terms with it.

I went into labour normally, my waters broke at 2pm. We were told to go into the hospital at around 5pm so we did. I laboured for 13 hours and was at 5cm when I started to need to push, but my contractions then started easing off a bit. This obviously threw up a red flag for the midwife who put the doppler on me and DS's heart rate was lower than mine. Everything after that is a bit of a blur. The room filled with doctors and midwives. We were quickly told that they had to get the baby out now or we'd lose him. I was rushed up two floors to the theatre with poor DH hanging onto my hand for dear life. He was left in the corridor on his own whilst they got me under a general. The last thing I remember was crying to them to save my baby and a nurse leaning all her weight on my throat to stop me being sick. DS was born exactly 11 minutes after the doppler was used.

He made it out safe and sound, no lasting effects thank goodness, but I have found it very hard to deal with. We both missed what may be our only child's birth and I have no real memory of his first 24 hours as I was high on morphine. DH has said that they bought DS out to him in the corridor in a towel and just left them standing there for ages. Poor guy didn't know what to do. Eventually they got DS weighed and cleaned up. I am told that DS breast fed from me for nearly two hours at 5am, don't recall that at all. DH was made to go home at 9am and I was left alone until visiting at 5pm. During that time I was unconscious and DS didn't get fed at all. The notes show that no one came to check on us at all. DS was severely dehydrated and I was told off for not feeding him. How could I when I was not even with it? To this day I feel so guilty about that, it tears me up inside. We were in the hospital for five days and they were the worst five days of my life. I was so confused by all the conflicting advise by the midwives about breast feeding that I cried constantly. DS screamed and battled every feed which we later found out was due to very severe silent reflux and an allergy to a protein in my milk. He still gets a rash if it touches him anywhere. I got told "he just has wind", "he's still hungry", "all babies cry". I knew it wasn't normal. At two points the midwives took him and gave him formula without my consent. At the time I didn't know he was dehydrated, we didn't find that out until we left.

The whole experience of meeting our much longed for son was completely overshadowed and I had trouble bonding with him. It has only been in the last few months that I have really developed an incredibly strong bond with him, mostly I think because the first few months were one long round of hospital appointments, a&e visit and screaming.

Although I'm finding it hard to deal with his first week, I love my son with all my heart. He is the sweetest, funniest and most lovable baby I could imagine and I wouldn't change him for the world, just the circumstances in which he arrived.