Monogamy

[Ozzieshunni]

I'm watching A Dangerous Method. Excellent film about Jung and Freud and psychoanalysis.

They talk about monogamy and how it's interesting that we put so much effort into this and deny our basic instincts. This got me thinking. Why do we, as humans, remain monogamous? It's a fascinating concept.

I'm curious to see what others think.

 

[JASMAK]

Because family means so much to humans. Monogamous couples fit nicely into society, promotes financial stability for the family, and gives structure.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

But what about couples in polygamous relationships? Surely they are better off because there are more family members to help take care of children and more members working to provide greater financial stability?

Are humans monogamous because society tells us it's what is acceptable?

 

[joshiesmum]

I watched a program called sister wives where there was one man and 4 wives!! Madness!! They seemed pretty desperate to me and i was embarressed for them!! It made me cringe.

 

[tina3747]

I watched a program called sister wives where there was one man and 4 wives!! Madness!! They seemed pretty desperate to me and i was embarressed for them!! It made me cringe.

I think a polygamous marriage can't always be ruled out for some people as desperate or madness. It can work in some cultures and I can see the benefit on the females point of view where family and domestic life can be shared between them. If all are willing parties I can't see the harm. Saying that , I couldn't shared husband with anyone. I would be the person if he had an affair to never let it go or forgive him. I do think its a strange concept to think your locked to one person for the rest of your life though, especially if you've never experienced being with anyone else.
I'm a hairdresser and I'm very involved in a lot of my customers lives. One old client was having an affair for the whole of her 20 yr marriage, she never wanted to leave her husband and I believe to this day the hubby has never found out! I've probably another 10 stories like this... You'd be very suprised at the people who are doing it as they're not typically who you think could!!

 

[summer rain]

Sister wives is hardly representative of polygamous households just as much as honey boo boo isn't representative of all Southern US families, TLC choose the most extreme examples of anything for their shows. Its very interesting to note that 80-90% of societies accept some type of polygamy as a normal form of marriage, that's incredibly telling. Really it's the societies that completely deny polygamy as normal or workable that are the exception. Some do claim these are all patriarchal societies but this isn't true, some native American groups are a good example they are matriarchal societies yet polygamy is acceptable and even encouraged. I was reading the other day that in the 17th century, Nuremburg in Germany made a law forbidding men from celibacy and allowing them to take as many as ten wives, this was due to the deaths of many of their men in a regional war. It is not know when or if this law was repealed. Xx

 

[joshiesmum]

Im only saying i saw a program on it...never heard much about it before watching it

 

[special_kala]

I remember reading about a tribe who let women have as many husbands as she wanted but men could only have one wife.

Always though that seemed like a good set up especially for population control.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

So it's not just me that thinks of these things

 

[summer rain]

I remember reading about a tribe who let women have as many husbands as she wanted but men could only have one wife.

Always though that seemed like a good set up especially for population control.

Thats very rare in human societies though for the simple reason it tends to be women who prefer monogamy and men who prefer to have more than one partner I personally would not want to have more than one husband, its not allowed in my religion but personally it just wouldn't appeal anyway xx

 

[Peanut78]

I have worked in a couple of African countries where polygamy was common. It didn't have much to do with "human instinct" mainly it was attributed to status i.e. the more wives you had, the wealthier you were - paying a dowry (usually in cattle) for each wife. I also, think it is percieved (mostly on the women's part) as a functional thing, "sisters" in keeping the household and child rearing. Where I worked there was also hierarchy amongst the wives, and the first wife was usually the one to decide who and when her husband would take on as another wife (not him). This was in Dinka and Nuer areas of southern Sudan pre-peace agreement. Conditions were incredibly tough. Most women that I spoke to took great comfort in sharing workloads with their co-wives. To be honest in most cases they were closer to their co-wives than their husbands. A few time you would find cases where there had been issues about jealousy etc, but that was more rare.

I cam across a very interesting case once where a woman had taken on 3 wives. She had previously been married, unable to have children - had asked her husband to "release" her which he had. She had gone on to become quite a successful market trader, and had paid the dowry for a wife. They were not in a lesbian or intimate relationship, in fact the lady's brother had "stepped in" to get the wife pg. And the child was not percieved as his, but rather hers and her wife's. Funnily enough they were some of the most content women I had ever interviewed! She subsequently "married" two more women as well. Just goes to show how it can really be viewed as a "functional" arrangement.

I wouldn't say polygamy in terms of marriage fits into the whole human instinct thing, its still a social construct Whether human beings should be free to have multiple sexual partners is another i.e. act on urges etc. Personally not for me, I am faaaar too jealous

 

[robinator]

What is this "basic instinct" I'm denying? I've never wanted to bang multiple people at once.

If some cultures have multiple spouses, why is that considered instinctual? Couldn't it also be argued that perhaps they lack self control? Or respect for the opposite sex?

 

[SabrinaKat]

I thought monogamy was due to inheritance rights, e.g. 'proof' of a legitimate heir? However, I also think that some relationships and cultures do thrive on different approaches, but for me, it would be difficult to 'share' my husband (although would love if I could 'share' the housework....!)

best wishes

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Robinator, are you directing your questions at me or in general?

Also, as a general idea, does anyone think that organized religion placed this idea of one man/one woman?

 

[indy and lara]

Hmm. I would have absolutely no interest in a polygamous relationship at all. It has nothing to do with repression of urges or religion(I have none) and everything to do with the fact that I am perfectly happy with 1 person in my life. I would not be happy to share my husband with someone else. If we wanted other people in our marriage then that would signal to me that their was something wrong with our relationship.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

What if it was a mutual decision? Like people who are polyamourous? This is all fascinating to me, lol. The human brain and psychology I hope no one takes offense to me asking questions to further the debate.

 

[summer rain]

What is this "basic instinct" I'm denying? I've never wanted to bang multiple people at once.

If some cultures have multiple spouses, why is that considered instinctual? Couldn't it also be argued that perhaps they lack self control? Or respect for the opposite sex?

It's the majority of human cultures though, that at least accept polygamy in some form. So maybe most humans lack self control and don't respect the opposite gender-I doubt this to be true though.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

What is this "basic instinct" I'm denying? I've never wanted to bang multiple people at once.

If some cultures have multiple spouses, why is that considered instinctual? Couldn't it also be argued that perhaps they lack self control? Or respect for the opposite sex?

It's the majority of human cultures though, that at least accept polygamy in some form. So maybe most humans lack self control and don't respect the opposite gender-I doubt this to be true though.

I agree with what SR says here.

 

[robinator]

What is this "basic instinct" I'm denying? I've never wanted to bang multiple people at once.

If some cultures have multiple spouses, why is that considered instinctual? Couldn't it also be argued that perhaps they lack self control? Or respect for the opposite sex?

It's the majority of human cultures though, that at least accept polygamy in some form. So maybe most humans lack self control and don't respect the opposite gender-I doubt this to be true though.

A majority may accept it, but how does that make it right?

 

[jen1604]

I'm all for polygamy if it works for you.

I do think for a lot of people though it goes against natural instincts. I'm too jealous and needy,if I knew my husband loved more than one woman I'd be a mess and a rubbish wife.

But I do think if people can get past those things then it probably has some huge benefits. It would be awesome to have a good friend here 24/7 helping with the kids/the housework and just to chat to everyday.