Monogamy

[summer rain]

What is this "basic instinct" I'm denying? I've never wanted to bang multiple people at once.

If some cultures have multiple spouses, why is that considered instinctual? Couldn't it also be argued that perhaps they lack self control? Or respect for the opposite sex?

It's the majority of human cultures though, that at least accept polygamy in some form. So maybe most humans lack self control and don't respect the opposite gender-I doubt this to be true though.

A majority may accept it, but how does that make it right?

Because there are a lot of moral beliefs that are universally held. It's morally wrong to murder and you'll find that belief held by all societies although of course what constitutes murder may differ slightly. Not saying that everyone is naturally polygamous but clearly a lot of humans are in some way or another, why is that wrong just because it is different to the preferences of a minority of human societies? And personally I'd rather my husband had another wife than a secret affair or a string of monogamous relationships in quick succession and then being an absent father to many children, yet in the west this is seen as better and the lesser of two evils when it comes to being compared to actually being married to more than one spouse at the same time. It just baffles me somewhat. Xx

 

[indy and lara]

I'm not sure that polygamy is the norm in the majority of cultures though. It is in some but I am not sure if you added up that it would be a majority at all.

 

[summer rain]

It's universally agreed upon and taught by anthropologists worldwide that 80% of societies accept some type of polygamy and I have seen this figure quoted as 85 or even 90%. Even those who are anti polygamy don't dispute this figure I've read some very anti-polygamy books and they all accept this figure but they claim all the societies where polygamy is accepted are backwards tribal or misogynistic patriarchal societies xx

 

[summer rain]

https://books.google.co.uk/books?id...a=X&ei=gZB4UMe-IYK_0QWb7oGoCA&ved=0CDQQ6AEwAQ

There you go. And I'm not saying that the majority practice polygamy in those societies, in most societies monogamy does tend to be more common due to various factors but it is that percentage of societies that accept polygamy as a valid form of marriage and in some cases believe it to be the preferred form of marriage xx

 

[summer rain]

Robinator, are you directing your questions at me or in general?

Also, as a general idea, does anyone think that organized religion placed this idea of one man/one woman?

Yes definitely although its interesting to note that the Protestant reformer Martin Luther approved of polygamy and believed it would be common amongst Christians in the future. The only modern mainstream church that is vehemently anti polygamy calling it against nature and claiming that it was disallowed in the NT is the Catholic Church but they also don't allow clergy to marry even though this was not the case in the early days of the church. Ashkenazi Judaism disallowed polygamy 1000 years ago with the exception of if you're able to get 100 rabbis to make an exception, Sephardic Jews for the most part also follow this judgement. There is a loophole in that a form of contracted concubinage, pilegesh, which is similar to the Shia Muslim temporary marriage known as mut'a and which is allowed by most rabbis though is not always recommended. Mizrahi or Eastern Judaism does allow polygamy and some Yemenite Jews in Yemen are still polygamous. Biblical Jews (those not following a rabbinical mandate) and some groups of Messianic Judaism also allow polygamy. Hinduism and Buddhism for the most part do allow polygamy, modern Indian law specifically prohibits polygamy for Hindus but in rural areas this is rarely enforced. Islam allows polygamy but it is limited to a maximum of 4 wives, some Shia Muslims do allow marrying more than 4 provided the 'extra' wives are married in mut'a a form of temporary marriage disallowed by Sunni Islam. Xx

 

[Ozzieshunni]

SR you are a wealth of information

 

[alaskagrown]

SR you are a wealth of information

Ditto!

 

[RoseKitten]

I always find this to be an interesting topic.

I'm married. My husband is very possessive, and very much into monogamy. I, on the other hand, have always leaned poly (though I didn't know it had a term besides "slut" when I was younger), just as I have always been bi. It is unnatural to me to be limited to only being able to share love with one partner. I happen to love my DH quite a bit, and he makes me happy, so I just deal with it.

It has nothing to do with wanting to "bang" (as a PP stated) lots of people. It has to do with the way that I feel emotion and love- and the fact that I want to share it with many. To this day there are a couple men and women that I love deeply, that I cannot have any sort of relationship with because it pains me to only be "casual" friends with them.

My DH can't fathom loving anyone besides me, though. I keep hoping he'll come around, but at the end of the day I have to suppress my natural instincts/urges/whatever to make him happy.

 

[JASMAK]

I have never even thought about being with another man, not once. And I have been with him for 14 years. Never considered. I dont think its 'normal' for everyone to want to be others

 

[summer rain]

Thanks ladies . I was just reading earlier in the Jerusalem post that many Sephardic Orthodox Jews are now campaigning for polygamy to be made legal in Israel, they don't believe the ruling by the medieval rabbi applies to them and also when looked into the original ruling states that anyone who marries polygamously before a certain date will be excommunicated but marrying polygamously after a certain date will not, the certain date was 700 years ago. This stuff fascinates me as well I have some firsthand experience with polygamy (long story) xx

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Jasmak, you've never been attracted to anyone else? Even emotionally? I suppose there are people that can stay with one man their entire lives and be happy.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I always find this to be an interesting topic.

I'm married. My husband is very possessive, and very much into monogamy. I, on the other hand, have always leaned poly (though I didn't know it had a term besides "slut" when I was younger), just as I have always been bi. It is unnatural to me to be limited to only being able to share love with one partner. I happen to love my DH quite a bit, and he makes me happy, so I just deal with it.

It has nothing to do with wanting to "bang" (as a PP stated) lots of people. It has to do with the way that I feel emotion and love- and the fact that I want to share it with many. To this day there are a couple men and women that I love deeply, that I cannot have any sort of relationship with because it pains me to only be "casual" friends with them.

My DH can't fathom loving anyone besides me, though. I keep hoping he'll come around, but at the end of the day I have to suppress my natural instincts/urges/whatever to make him happy.

I am exactly the same! It doesn't mean I want to bang loads of people either

 

[summer rain]

I really hate this assumption that polygamy is a boon for promiscuous people. I know a lot of ladies in polygamy who cannot have a full physical relationship due to physical or mental illness, disability etc; they wanted a marriage but didn't feel it fair to be in a monogamous marriage as their husband would have been permanently deprived of 'that side' of the marriage. Perhaps some men do go into it thinking they will get more sex but the reality is this rarely if ever happens and such men are sorely disappointed lol, the responsibility it entails is just not worth it if that's all you're in it for xx

 

[JASMAK]

Jasmak, you've never been attracted to anyone else? Even emotionally? I suppose there are people that can stay with one man their entire lives and be happy.

No...never.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Interesting. Again, I suppose there are some that can live happily with one person.

I wonder though, do you think it's wrong because you "do" or is it possible that society has instilled in us this belief that it's wrong and therefore we actually believe it's morally wrong?

 

[chellebelle8]

To me a marriage is between one woman and one man and anything else I personally can't understand. I think maybe it comes from a place of wanting my man to be mine and I know he feels the same about me. I believe we can find others attractive or appreciate their sense of humour etc but anything other than that may be dangerous territory. Everyone is different but I don't feel I'm denying my basic instincts or conforming to a social norm...I see it as I've had my fun but I've now found the person I want to spend my life with and raise a family. That feels quite instinctual to Me actually.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Oooooo another can of worms. What about two men or two women?

Please note, I'm not picking on anyone. Anyone is free to answer and ask questions

 

[JASMAK]

I think its wrong, but I am also Catholic. I have never had urges neither. Honestly, I am too busy anyways. The guys at my work are nice, but, have never thought of them 'that way' before. I do thinks its morally wrong and a sin. I think if you are thinking of someone else, its terribly selfish. I would be crushed if hubby cheated, mentally, or physically.

 

[chellebelle8]

ha good point I should change that first part to between two loving people. I'm in full support of gay marriage ..in fact my cousin recently proposed to her girlfriend and I feel the same sense of excitement and happiness then I would for anyone else. I strongly believe that any two people have the right to have that love and commitment legally recognized. Adding more people into the mix is when I feel it gets a bit much . ...it almost seems and dare I say it but a little greedy?

 

[JASMAK]

Oooooo another can of worms. What about two men or two women?

Please note, I'm not picking on anyone. Anyone is free to answer and ask questions

Gay marriage, to me, is just as sacred as heterosexual.