More dignity with homebirth?

[Kess]

I'm planning a homebirth for my first, and have been scaring myself with the "What the films don't show you" thread in 3rd Tri. Everyone seems to describe having no dignity left afterwards, loads of bleeding, lots of pain afterwards, not being able to wee or poo afterwards, etc. Is this all the same at a homebirth, or are there any differences? All I've been reading focusses on the differences in the actual birth, but what differences are there, if any, in recovery and so on after the birth? Does one keep ones dignity more in a hb situation, or is giving birth inherently undignified?

 

[special_kala]

I guess the only difference is its all in the comfort of your own home.

Though it really isnt that bad, yes your bleeding and waddling and very uncomfortable but at the time its not so bad you just get on with it and you have your baby to distract you anyway so your not really thinking about that stuff.

 

[NaturalMomma]

I think it is how you define dignity to yourself.

With ds1 I had a hospital birth. I felt no dignity. I felt like a number. There was more bleeding and pain after his birth than with ds2.

ds2 was born at home. I felt like a person, a mother, etc. I felt like I had a lot of dignity because I didn't just let things happen to me. There was bleeding of course, but not as much as with ds1. I only soiled one chux pad during birth and that was mostly amniotic fluid. I went to my own bed after birth, breastfed and kept my son with me. Unlike the first birth were my son was taken from me for the first 30 minutes.

 

[lozzy21]

I think birth its self is undigified but its how you feel at the time. I had my daughter in hospital (not by choice) and i dident care who seen what. It was boiling so i stripped off to my bra, dident have anything on the bottom half as i was still waiting for my hospital bag, my OH, mum and the MW kept trying to cover me with a sheet to try and protect my dignity but i realy dident care but it was nice that they were trying.

Apart from the end when it turned into an serious emergancy, no one did anything with out asking me, even the little things like touching my tummy so see if she could feel contractions as the monitor wasent picking them up very well.

I feel i left hospital with my dignity intact as every one tryed there hardest to keep it for me.

 

[Mervs Mum]

I absolutely disagree that birth is undignified. A million percent!!! Why on earth should it be??!! I was interviewed by a magazine on this very subject recently (and will post the article when it's published this month!) and think it's outrageous to think women feel they should chuck their dignity in the bin with the Clearblue!!!

You should be treated with the same respect no matter where you birth. I think one of the differences with home birth is they are on YOUR turf so by default you are the one in the drivers seat. They are a guest in your home so they tend to be (not always in my experience) more aware of who this is about. It's about you. Birth is an intimate, sexual moment. You should be treated and able to birth in the same way you conceived that baby. Privately, intimately, tenderly and of course with dignity!

 

[lozzy21]

But you wouldent have 3+ people in the room when baby was conceived lol Or your partner and mother looking at your bits at the same time in any other curcumstance.

 

[rachiedata]

That's something that came up in the antenatal class I was at over the weekend - split into a group of just men, just women, and a mixed group, we were asked to write a list of ideal environment/atmosphere for using the toilet (men obviously!), having sex (women), and for birth. The lists were pretty much identical - privacy, low lighting, warm, safe, and importantly as few people as possible.

I guess that is where the line is between dignity and embarrassment - I know I can still feel dignified when I'm stark naked, bending over making funny noises - if it's what my body tells me to do in labour then I won't be embarrassed by anyone watching me do it. In that way I think home births are if anything much more dignified than hospital - by nature there are fewer people there so your birth doesn't turn into a spectator sport, you're so importantly on your own turf so feel much better about making your own decisions, and you get into your own bed with your own family afterwards and not have to sleep on a ward, etc.

I think everyone should be a bit less embarrassed about birth, about their bodies in general, and maybe we should agree to losing a few inhibitions when pregnant, but should keep our dignity at all times.

 

[chuck]

You should be treated and able to birth in the same way you conceived that baby. Privately, intimately, tenderly and of course with dignity!

I agree that that you should be treated that way but man was I not treated like that in hospital.

No the classical sense of dignity in the sense of keeping ones usually private parts private go out of the window when it comes to birthing of course but I don't see why we need to be legs akimbo with all and sundry having a rummage without asking as seems the norm in far too many hospitals from the stories I read.

From my experience I was treated fabulously by the staff in the BC - like a person, a human a woman who was going through something intense and personal and who needed support not railroading and was spoken with not to.

As soon as I got to hospital though I was cattle. I was told things not spoken with, put on the treadmill of delivery and eventually ended up in theatre with no birth partner and had my baby removed with less ceremony than a tooth extraction and was sent to ward after maybe 30 minutes with my husband and expected to sleep because it was the night time.

NOT very dignified, not even humane to be fair.

Now I haven't HB'd yet...I hope to in the next few weeks (sooner rather than later please bump) and I would hope that the experience will be very different. There will be a max of 2 professionals there to work with me rather than to get me in and out as soon as possible.

I wont have to worry about the 3 other women in the same room going through similar problems/worries/embarrassments etc, I wont have to pre plan trips to the bathroom around other people and getting dressed and having upteen checks and annoyances from staff - or worse than that being ignored when I want/need something basic like a drink.

I think too many women focus on what they see as being undignified i.e. having ones bits out and OMFG shock horror there being bodily fluids or even worse pubic hair on show! Get over it, it's birth it should and I'm sure it can be brilliant.

Unfortunately from my experiences in hospital and many people i have spoken with or birth stories I have read it seems that hospitals in general (not all of the staff but I'm sure many) have lost touch with the fact that birth should be awesome and not some horrible thing to simply get through and move on from.

 

[Mervs Mum]

But you wouldent have 3+ people in the room when baby was conceived lol Or your partner and mother looking at your bits at the same time in any other curcumstance.

EXACTLY!!! so why are they there?!!? That may be how some women chose to birth but not everyone does because just because they think 'thats just how it is'. I guess we have different views on how birth is/can/should be. I guess because me and most of the women I work with are prepared to say no and make demands about their care I see it differently. There's no way women should feel any loss of dignity during birth, if they do the people around them are doing a shit job.

 

[chuck]

In all honesty I would rather just get on and do this birth alone, I'd love to wake up in the night go to the loo waters break take myself downstairs labour quietly in the dark and have my baby then call a MW to make sure all is well and wake up hubby when I've had MY time with the baby and he can have the nice clean wrapped up baby without seeing things he doesn't want to see so I don't have to worry about him or anyone else in my house while I get on with it

I seriously doubt that'll happen but hey hopefully it'll pretty much be me and the MW's - hubby will be around but he's worse than useless (see above post, he didnt come to theatre with me last time ).

I just hope things dont kick off this week while MIL is around she was what drove me to go into the BC far too early last time hovering around being an idiot. If I go next week my Mum will be around and I can cope with her.

The parents are taking shifts to help take care of Dewi while I'm massive and cant chase him around quite so well LOL.

 

[NaturalMomma]

Birth is not undignified, or alteast it doesn't have to be. It felt that way in the hospital, but not at home. I felt like I had every bit of my dignity giving birth at home. I did have my mom, MW and her assistant with me when I gave birth, but I didn't care. I'm not shy about people seeing me naked and I actually liked having my mom there because she was a good support person and she took pictures which I cherish. I actually wouldn't mind if a student nurse, MW or OB wanted to watch. I like being able to teach someone on something even if it is during my birth.

 

[aliss]

I wouldn't say birthing in the hospital was 'undignified' but I will say that I felt like I was 'bothering' them with my labour and 'inconveniencing' them with my labour that was going on for too long. A sad feeling.

 

[lozzy21]

But you wouldent have 3+ people in the room when baby was conceived lol Or your partner and mother looking at your bits at the same time in any other curcumstance.

EXACTLY!!! so why are they there?!!? That may be how some women chose to birth but not everyone does because just because they think 'thats just how it is'. I guess we have different views on how birth is/can/should be. I guess because me and most of the women I work with are prepared to say no and make demands about their care I see it differently. There's no way women should feel any loss of dignity during birth, if they do the people around them are doing a shit job.

Some times they need to be there. If everything is going fine then your right they dont need to be any more than the birthpartners and the usual midwife or two but when things go tits up as they did in my case it cant be helped. Every one that was there had a job to do.

 

[Mervs Mum]

I agree sometimes they do but you are saying it's ALWAYS undignified. It's not.

 

[Bournefree]

I don't have any personal experience to compare the 2 (home v hospital) in terms of diganity, but I choose home with my first, and for this one, because I felt more comfort in being at home. I don't know if it is dignity.. but I did have control and that has to be part of dignity. But equally you can have control in a hospital (very dependant on your personality and your support around you, including the carers) You personally can refuse anything you like - but, I wonder if you have to be stronger to assert yourself in a hospital environment. Afterall the physcological-set-up has a very differnet feeling to it. Often women are compliant without even thinking about it. Or simply have to be compliant as there is little real choice left to them.
XxX

 

[Mervs Mum]

You definitely have to be stronger in hospital but you can easily retain all your dignity. The dynamic is completely different because you are on their turf rather than them being invited in to your home.

 

[lozzy21]

Every one has different viwes on what dignity is, for me it was undigified BUT the medical staff were trying to keep it for me and than made the differance.

 

[JenStar1976]

Sorry if TMI, but the only part of my labour and birth that I felt "uncomfortable" with was when I couldn't help but poo!!! This was just before I got in the home birth pool with the urge to push so huge!! My midwives, though were great - I explained what I thought was going to happen (I was leaning forward over my sofa at the time!) and they very calmly just covered my bottom with a towel and cleaned up for me. I'm not embarrassed at all (although I do admit that it was one of my "fears" before I gave birth), I then promptly got in the pool and gave birth, so it was all forgotten about quickly! It's life - my body was pushing out a baby and of course other things are likely to happen at the same time! Having now looked after a baby for 16 months now and dealt with every bodily function available, in no way do I feel that it was undignifed. My midwives were fab, and it's all part of their job. x

 

[lynnikins]

i must say my first birth experience was rather undignified i felt like a peice of meat really in the end all was good till i got out of the pool then i ended up just giving up on demanding my rights over anything and just let them get on with it, bum pointed towards open doors with about 5/6 extra spare ppl that hadnt been in the room arriving to deliver my baby, my legs had 2 mw's each and my bits had their own OB ( just happend to be around apparently ) and the baby had a doctor and MW there, as well as the MW and student that had been with me all the way through my mum and DH as well far too many people for my liking lol
second time round was much more dignified except i didnt get to meet the student MW who deliverd ds2 till after he arrived lol i barely had time to nod aggrement that she could deliver him before he arrived lol, im hoping this time things might be a little calmer in those final moments with me more in control of whats happening, lets just hope i dont wind up so overdue again lol