Mum of 4 under 7 at my wits end

[CharCharxxx]

I havent been on here in a couple of months but i need to vent and get this written down. I have 4 kids 7, 4, 2 and 4 months almost. Before I start I just want to say that I love my kids and I love having my new baby so much he's amazing and brings me so much warmth and joy. I also know how lucky I am to have them as so many women can't... but... THEY ARE DRIVING ME UP THE F****** WALL!!!! I'm a stay at home mum and always have been. My OH works on an oil rig so i go a month without him here then he's home for a month and it goes on. My oldest 2 just do not stop arguing or so it feels. I'd say 70% of the time they are fighting and trying to get eachother in trouble. They DO NOT do what they are told and if they do it is utter hell before hand. I am so mystified why this is because I really rarely give in to them, i follow punishments through, i do not reward them for bad behaviour, take away privileges including their clubs. I have reward charts and marble jars for when they do something good. They aren't spoilt material wise. We do alot as a family when OH is home. But nothing is good enough. I feel beyond bad because i feel like all i do is tell them off. I'm riddled with mum guilt constantly. It's a horrendous feeling because everything i do is for them yet they can treat me so badly. I've got to the point where I actually dread weekends and half terms because when OH isn't here I'm pretty housebound as they are just too much to handle outside the house, mainly my 2 year old as he just wants to run off and tantrums when i don't let him.
I'm continuously agitated and on edge I'm barely getting through and i feel robbed of the happy time that I'm meant to be having with my youngest. I feel like I'm such a failure and that motherhood is nothing like i pictured. It doesn't help that i don't get much support from family other than my mum but she's a very anxious fragile person and actually can make things worse.
Please tell me that others out there feel this way sometimes. I love my kids but I'm just not enjoying motherhood at all at the moment which kills me inside as I know how blessed I am. Sorry for the long post x

 

[laura109]

Hello and don't beat yourself up. Being a mother is so hard especially when you have more than one child or children that heavily rely on you in different ways so you feel like you are always in a chaotic rush. I have two children. Three and ten months. Love them so much. But it's hard. It's hard because they need me for everything obviously! Neither sleep through the night. I feel like you about not having the time to enjoy the baby. My son still has a night feed at, 2am because I've not got him into a bedtime routine. As much as id love to bath him and read him a story and put him down with a bottle at, 7.30pm I can't. Because my other half gets home between 7.30 and 8.00pm. The toddler also needs her bed then and only I can take her. I also feel like I can't get his toys out and just enjoy watching him play. I also feel guilty I can't sit and do puzzles with the three year old. You do amazing considering how much you are alone. I take my hat of to you. Maybee the kids just act up when dad's not around. I think you can do all the right things and children will still go through good and bad stages. They will play up even tho you know you have taught them all the right things. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Me and my three year old were clashing alot recently. I found I was always telling her off and I felt extremely down in the dumps. She goes to nursery an extra morning a week now. She has tuesday and Wednesday at home and does three half days at nursery. On a Tuesday I make the effort to get up get ready and go out. We go feed the ducks, or to the park or other big walks. Sometimes we go to town for a treat. Tuesday is the day I focus on our bond and it gets me out the house and away from the chaos. It is so hard tho when children fill you with fear about going out.i tell myself it will get easier. I'm sorry I'm not much help but sounds to me like u are doing a fantastic job x

 

[CharCharxxx]

Hello and don't beat yourself up. Being a mother is so hard especially when you have more than one child or children that heavily rely on you in different ways so you feel like you are always in a chaotic rush. I have two children. Three and ten months. Love them so much. But it's hard. It's hard because they need me for everything obviously! Neither sleep through the night. I feel like you about not having the time to enjoy the baby. My son still has a night feed at, 2am because I've not got him into a bedtime routine. As much as id love to bath him and read him a story and put him down with a bottle at, 7.30pm I can't. Because my other half gets home between 7.30 and 8.00pm. The toddler also needs her bed then and only I can take her. I also feel like I can't get his toys out and just enjoy watching him play. I also feel guilty I can't sit and do puzzles with the three year old. You do amazing considering how much you are alone. I take my hat of to you. Maybee the kids just act up when dad's not around. I think you can do all the right things and children will still go through good and bad stages. They will play up even tho you know you have taught them all the right things. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Me and my three year old were clashing alot recently. I found I was always telling her off and I felt extremely down in the dumps. She goes to nursery an extra morning a week now. She has tuesday and Wednesday at home and does three half days at nursery. On a Tuesday I make the effort to get up get ready and go out. We go feed the ducks, or to the park or other big walks. Sometimes we go to town for a treat. Tuesday is the day I focus on our bond and it gets me out the house and away from the chaos. It is so hard tho when children fill you with fear about going out.i tell myself it will get easier. I'm sorry I'm not much help but sounds to me like u are doing a fantastic job x

Thank you so much for your reply. It really is the toughest job in the world isn't it? I can completely relate to clashing with your 3 year old i used to with DD and actually still do. It's a horrible feeling when all you do is tell them off but sometimes wr have no choice as if you have a child who's being really rude or diaobendient you can't just let them get away with it. Nobody ever warns you of this part when you decide to start a family do they, it's all about having a BABY and sleepless nights etc. I guess there's no choice other than to power through! Thanks again for replying to me x

 

[noon_child]

Loving your kids is NOT in the same ball park as loving Motherhood the job. As a job it can really suck. Yep the clients might be awesome but they are also very needy, you're on call 24 hours a day, don't get sick leave, don't get a salary, no-one says thanks or well done, no-one gives you the relevant training and sometimes your co-workers are absent, or useless!