Mummies with 2 kids..is 2 alot harder than 1?

[LunaBean]

Hi..so I have an almost 1 year old who I had via donor insemination..(same sex relationship broke down)..but I don't want him to be an only child..is having 2 so much harder than 1, or is it easy enough to get into a routine? I don't want to 'put him out' as he's such a mummies boy..so do I wait until he's maybe 3 to try again, that way he'll be in nursery..or so I start trying when he turns 2 next January? It took me 2.5 years and 6 miscarriages before I had him, and I'm 28..so time isn't really on my side. His donor is willing to donate again, so he has a full sibling. Pros and cons of having 2? Or am i totally crazy? lol Thanks!

 

[Shezza84uk]

Hi hun, I personally prefer a bigger gap because they become more independent once they're pass 2.5-3yrs. It takes a bit of adjustment from 1 child to 2 but not impossible it was a bit difficult at the newborn stage because DD has special needs and DS was a more high needs baby however we have a routine now so its not as challenging xx

 

[Seren0613]

I would try now, rather than later. Given your history, conceiving
again could take a while.

 

[Jade--x]

I also with your history wouldn't want to wait.

I had my second when my youngest was 2 years 3 months old, and I found it really easy to get into a routine with the both of them, they adore each other and I don't see any difference to having 2 than just the 1, other than when one wakes up they both do then there is no going back to sleep because they keep each other awake, and when they're deciding to work together to be a handful as they're both toddlers now and tag team me

 

[Seren0613]

I agree, I would think children close in age "know no better." resentment wouldn't set in (ie jealousy over mommy's attention) until the eldest was old enough to really understand. At first, a child of 2 or 3 may be slightly jealous, but get over it soon & forget. It's not like your son would be school age & able to remember his resentment.

 

[ravenmel]

I have a 2 year old and a 5 month old. Been on my own since 6 weeks pregnant with my youngest. The first 6 weeks I thought I'm gonna die lol but once I nailed a routine we were fine. I have the odd hard day when they both want to be fussy or make a fuss outside Grrr. My toddler had a tantrum in Argos the other day which wasn't fun but all in all I love them being close and won't change it. My 2 year is a mummy's girl but isn't jealous of her sister thank god. I tried to include her in things.
I notice a little regression in my toddler potty training and she suddenly wants a bottle of milk not a cup, but it will wear off.

I wouldn't change the age gap but it is hard doing it alone, if your not an organised person or stress out easy I won't recommend it

 

[BrandiCanucks]

Hun, like you, I had my youngest daughter via donor insemination after my marriage had broken down...then my ex wanted responsibility, and now there's a hug mess.

Anyway, my kids are 5, 4, and 20 months, and it is very hard, probably because my 5 year old has special needs and is more like a 3 year old in many ways. Her meltdowns are the most difficult, and then the constant attention she needs to make sure she doesn't eat something that could hurt her...and then the temperature regulation issues.

Anyway, other than her medical and developmental issues, I honestly wouldn't change anything. I think the hardest part personally is trying to recover from seven years of abuse. I find myself still, occasionally taking on his personality, but I think my kids can see I'm trying very hard to be a better mom. My son is very understanding, anyway, Then, I'm working full time and supporting them at two houses.

But overall, it is so damn rewarding. To watch my kids play together, protect each other, make up songs and games, and then hugs and kisses and love times 3, it is the best gift ever. When I kiss my son goodnight at night, I tell him he's my favourite boy, and he tells me I'm his favourite girl. It has gotten easier, now that I'm in the routine. Once you get through the exhaustion of full time employed AND full time mom, the benefits far outweigh the negatives.

And given your history, I'd start trying now, especially if your donor is willing to try. I had my tubes tied after my youngest, but I'm having them undone in the next few months, and her donor is willing to donate again too, so she has a full sibling.

 

[moomin_troll]

Zane was 3 when Corey was born and I loved that age gap! It's hard being a single mum of 2 but saying that it's hard being a mum in general so like everything u just get used to it and I live having my two

 

[MorganEvans]

28 isn't that old, if you were 35 THEN it'd be time to think about the time I'd suggest you to give it some time, let the boy grow a bit older ( 3 or 4 ) and then try for another one. It's a bit easier to manage, but most of all - don't worry about the time. I was born when my mother was 34, 7 years after my brother had entered this world.

 

[LunaBean]

Thanks for the input! Ive spoken to his donor, and we're gona start trying in June! I figured better a smaller age gap, then wait a few years and it takes a few years..and he's 5 or 6! I'm excited!!!! He was a very high needs baby..I couldnt have another one..right?? lol

 

[moomin_troll]

Oh wow! Good luck x