Mums/Moms after Recurrent Losses (MARL) - Come join us!

[dancareoi]

petitpas - scary story! I hate hospitals. I am glad you are all on the mend.

Starry - good luck with the diagnosis. Once it is official, you guys can move forward and get him the additional support you need.

ahhh, baby poop.... I think I have been pretty lucky. Pre-solids she pooped just a little every diaper - about 20 a day (so happy we had cloth, we would have gone broke otherwise!). But we only ever had a few blow outs, nothing too bad. Now on solids she is a once a day morning predictable pooper 90% of the time!

dancareoi - great advice! Thank you! I agree, she drinks too much milk. She LOVES the boob. We nurse anywhere from 5 to 8 times a day and about the same amount at night :X I just give her what she asks for.... She literally will come up, sit in my lap and yank my shirt down these days. The days that she drinks less, are the days we are busy - out and about and on the go. Those days she just has milk before naps and bed. Days we stay home she is bugging me all day for milk! How do you guys start cutting feeds? Just redirect her attention? Or should I give her a solid snack when she asks for milk? What about the whole baby-led approach of trusting what your baby asks for and just giving them the milk? I try to avoid giving her milk before solid meals, but if she is really hungry she will freak out, throw all the food on the floor and cry until I give her a milk feeding. After the feed, she will usually take some solids. But that only happens a few times a week. I try to have meals right after naps when she is not hungry yet.

Oh and on the big baby note... at 5 months Lucy was already 20 lbs! She hasn't grown much in the past 6 months weight-wise, just 2 pounds.

This may sound harsh, but let her cry and freak out!!

Babies/children are clever little monkey's and know how to get what they want. It may be difficult, but stand firm and don't give in.

My 18 month old will throw herself on the floor and cry, I just let her carry on, she soon stops!!!

(There again she is my 4th and I don't really have the time to pander to her!)

Less boob, more solids and ignore the strops!!!!!

Hope this helps

 

[wookie130]

Dancareoi- I tend to agree with you on the whole "don't give in" to the fits and tantrum-like behavior. I'm not a fan of letting really little ones "cry it out", but after the 6-8 month mark, most children have really figured out how to use behavior to control their environment...it's fine to stand firm, and not give in.

 

[dancareoi]

My 18 month old is very stubborn as well. Her latest thing now is to strop when I put her in the push chair. I have to bend her in half to get her in!

It may seem harsh to ignore strops and deal with a toddler in this way, but I think if you give in, they get to know this and things will get more and more difficult.

With my first we used to have terrible problems with his sleeping. We had to lie on the bed with him to get him to sleep, then he would always wake in the night and we would have to lie on the bed with him again. He was still doing this at age 3!

So, when my second came along I dealt with it differently and did the whole controlled crying thing. We never had a problem getting her to bed or back to sleep!

 

[vietmamsie]

dancareoi - it worked today! lo didn't want to sit in her chair and threw a crying fit and tossed all the food on the floor. I told her it was breakfast time and carried on eating and ignored her. After a minute she settled down and I handed her some toast with mashed avocado and she ate it. Then carried on to have half a banana All parties were happy!

We had a good food day today, but a skipped nap, which miraculously lead to the easiest bed time in a while - maybe she is getting ready to cut the afternoon nap? Is 11 months too early? She has been fighting the afternoon one for a few weeks now. half the week she goes down easily, the other half its a struggle, and usually she wins....

 

[dairymomma]

Viet-DS was a napper til 3 yrs but DD quit napping regularly as soon as she could sit up on her own. I'd put her down for a nap but she'd sit up and just squawk until someone came and got her. So I quit trying and found she'd go curl up if she wanted a nap. Even now at 3.5 yrs, she'll still grab a blanket, cozy up on the couch/chair/her bed and take a snooze if she wants one but it hasn't been regular since she was around a year old.

AFM-still doing pretty good. Had some brown discharge this morning but no cramping and MS is still here so not worried at all. It's weird actually. Normally I'd be freaking out and waiting for the dr's office to call but I'm just kinda 'meh' at the moment. Pretty sure this discharge is just left over from something and I'll have an ultrasound coming up either very end of this week or (preferably) early next week to see if things are looking okay so just waiting on that.

 

[dancareoi]

dancareoi - it worked today! lo didn't want to sit in her chair and threw a crying fit and tossed all the food on the floor. I told her it was breakfast time and carried on eating and ignored her. After a minute she settled down and I handed her some toast with mashed avocado and she ate it. Then carried on to have half a banana All parties were happy!

We had a good food day today, but a skipped nap, which miraculously lead to the easiest bed time in a while - maybe she is getting ready to cut the afternoon nap? Is 11 months too early? She has been fighting the afternoon one for a few weeks now. half the week she goes down easily, the other half its a struggle, and usually she wins....

Glad it worked, keep it up now.

At 11 months she will still need a day nap, but I think only 1 would be sufficient and the earlier the better.

I try to put Caitlin down by about 11 and allow 2 hours, so wake her up then. That way, if she doesn't sleep too late into the afternoon she will be ready to go to bed by about 7.30.

I am trying to get bedtime earlier, but not succeeding at the moment. The plan is to get her in bed for 7, she'll then wake about 6 and be more than ready to go back down at 11, to get her back in bed for 7!

My DS was still having day time naps until about 2 1/2. Again, back to bed before lunch.

 

[vietmamsie]

I guess I didn't mention that Lucy does take a morning nap. That is usually an easy one... usually at about 10 am she just crashes. Falls asleep within minutes of hitting the bed. Usually it is just an hour, but sometimes its longer. Usually the afternoon one doesn't happen if she takes a long morning one.

Things have been going good over here! She has been eating like a champ and has even tried a few of her old favorite foods that she has been protesting lately (tomatoes, carrots). We go to the dr tomorrow morning for her one year check up. I think I will talk about the whole nursing thing with him... he is into the whole baby-led approach and has been very supportive in the past. I feel like I need a medical professional to ok my 'taking it slow' approach, as the last two doctors I have seen (my gp and a different pediatrician at our clinic) both seemed to think I should have her off the breast by 12 months.

 

[dancareoi]

Glad it's going well, kept it up!

Caitlin is 18 months and she is still breast fed but only when she gets up in a morning. Her last feed before bed is cows milk. She sometimes has a bottle before going back to bed in a morning.

Sounds like Lucy could stop her afternoon nap and just have the morning one, although sometimes its difficult to stop them falling asleep when you don't want them too.

 

[Starry Night]

viet - glad things are going well for you and Lucy. That's crazy that she is almost a year old already! Where does the time go?

Naps are all over the place with DD. Sometimes she has her morning nap, sometimes she doesn't. Usually her morning naps would just be 20 to 30 minute power naps but lately she's been sleeping a good hour to hour and a half but that is from 11am and over lunch and it's just such a long afternoon until her 8PM bedtime. So I put her in her crib again around 3ish or so and sometime she sleeps, sometimes she doesn't.

We were going a few weeks without morning naps but still having cranky times around 11am but now she's so tired she needs to be put down. My son was so much more regimented on a routine and thrived off of it (guess might help explain the ASD testing) and DD has a basic routine but it's much more loosey-goosey.

She does regularly go to bed at 8PM and is usually up around 9ish but she's been having a bit of a sleep regression and will wake up around 10ish at night. It's easy enough to get her back to sleep but it is an interruption. She likes to play in our bed. Silly goose. DS has been breaking into her room early in the morning before I'm awake so I think that might explain why she needs her morning naps again.

 

[dairymomma]

Pregnancy #13 wasn't lucky for me. I'm just waiting for things to start fully but it's pretty unmistakeable at this point what's happening.

I'm so over being pg...Even great numbers, hopeful feelings, and strong pg symptoms aren't going to be good signs for me. I guess I need to have crappy rises, no symptoms whatsoever, and just think I'm m/c the whole time because that's what gets me to term. (Pardon my slightly morbid humor. I need to let it out...)

 

[vietmamsie]

Dairy - I am so sorry While I am not tic, nor have i had as many unsuccessful pregnancies, I can relate to you. By the time I got pg with DD, I was SO OVER it. TTC sucks for us with RL. It takes all the fun out of it, and it sucks even more because 'good' news doesn't even mean good news for us and our pregnancies. Hang in there

 

[Starry Night]

I'm so sorry, dairy. RL is such a heartache. It sucks that even encouraging signs can be taken away. I'm so over the journey too. (also understand and appreciate the morbid humour, it's a coping mechanism for me too) Major hugs to you.

afm - our son is autistic. We were expecting that. We weren't expecting how severe the diagnosis would be. We thought it was more aspergers' level but he qualifies more for the classic autism. He's still our delightful little boy--our miracle baby--and the doctor was very encouraging about his chances to improve. We're taking the weekend to digest everything and then we have to buckle down and get to work on setting things up and bugging the speech therapist to bump our son up on the waiting list. The doctor was NOT impressed we haven't heard from them since his assessment in November.

 

[dairymomma]

Thanks Viet. I had a major meltdown last night and called my therapist in tears. I pretty much had an anxiety attack and it wasn't pretty. She had me do some emotional release exercises and talked me down but it took almost an hour. I honestly don't know how I would have managed without her answering her phone at 9:30pm. But she understands how hard this is for me because she's had fertility trouble and losses of her own so it's easy to talk to her about things like this.

And I'm back in limbo. I honestly thought things were starting up because I was aching, cramping, and passed a long bright red stringy thing (not dark red and opaque like a clot but not clear enough to be cm. Not sure what the heck it was...) so I figured it was for sure starting. But nothing today other than a small swipe of tan discharge. And my labs aren't back yet either. Normally they are in by now but I'm wondering if the lab techs didn't get the sample until later. And I'm not sure if this lab runs tests on weekends so I may get my results anytime between today or Monday morning. But I still think this is just another false start and it's over. I just feel it.

My only hope at this point is that I don't start actively m/c on Monday when I'm taking all three of the kids for appts in a town 2.5 hours away and DH won't be with me. I'd reschedule but these appts are up to an hour long and we'd be looking at another 2-3 week wait before we could get back in so I'd rather not have to redo these appts if I don't need to.

 

[petitpas]

Oh dairy I'm so sorry you are in limbo but if things should go pearshaped I hope it isn't on Monday. We probably sound weird and a little callous when we complain about the timing of a miscarriage, not just the miscarriage itself but I am so with you on this. My most recent loss I spent all evening on the loo upstairs while we had friends round cooking dinner with dh. Not close enough friends that we would share what was happening so all they were told was that I had a migraine. All the while I could smell the food and sat there in the bathroom fuming at the bad timing on top of everything.

I suppose that all you can do is prepare the best you can. Warn the kids that you have a funny tummy so they understand if you need to go to the bathroom for an extended time. Pack entertainment for them, a change of clothes for you... do you have those heat packs you can glue to your back? I used them after my first loss (it took three months to properly miscarry) for when I was driving to and from work.

Big hugs to you and hoping against all odds that you may just be wrong about this and the babba surprises you.

 

[dairymomma]

Petit-I'm not worried about pain and bleeding being as I'm only 6.5 weeks so things shouldn't be so bad there. It's more I don't want to pass the baby while on the road or at the chiropractor's office because it's not like I can account for that time when I am traveling, you know? Like you said, the timing would just stink. But I'm still in limbo. Nothing today except that swipe of medium tan cm this morning and now it's back to the clear light tan/yellow stuff I've had the whole time. I'd prefer yellow, white, or clear as that's more 'normal' than this crud but at least no cramping? And to make my head spin more, my pg symptoms were pretty strong yesterday and today. It's like just as I accepted it was over, my body throws in a monkey wrench. Do I hope or not? Do I wait for my scan on Thursday or call and request them to move it to Tuesday? Argh...I'm scared to hope because if I do, I cramp/spot/basically start to m/c but if I go around like it's over, I'm fine. Thanks for screwing with me, uterus...

 

[ginny83]

Dairy - sorry that you're in limbo I've never gone through it myself, but I can relate to being upset about just not understanding what's going on with your body! Before this whole miscarriage stuff I use to think pregnancy was so clear cut - but really it's anything but for a lot of people!!

Starry - I think you already mentioned it in another post about the diagnosis not actually changing anything, but can imagine it must still be a bit of shock when I guess you prepare yourself to hear one thing but get told something else. Sounds like you're a great mum though and will be making sure he gets all the support he can to live a happy life (which is really what we all want for our kids )

hello to everyone else and sorry if I'm missed any big news

AFM - B is going great Not that we're thinking about ttc again right now, but I was a bit curious to how long people waited before ttc again after a parl rainbow - especially if you need to be on steroids before bfp. is steroids and breastfeeding a big no no? I'll need to make an appointment with my FS just to know where I stand with it all so

 

[Starry Night]

Can't really comment about TTC as we've decided to be happy with our two rainbows. It's now a matter of dh buckling down and booking his vasectomy. He's naturally nervous about that!

Our DD is going through a sleep regression and it's driving us batty. It's like teething meets illness (she has a cold so can't lie down flat) meets growth spurt. We used to put her down wide awake and she'd fall asleep right away and stay asleep for 12 hours. Now we put her down and she SCREAMS and we have to go pick her up and then put her down. She may fall asleep but is awake again an hour or so later just SCREAMING. The only way to settle her is to let her play and do peek-a-boo, etc. I feel like playing is reinforcing her wake-up habits but it's the only thing that settles her.

It could be worse, but it is frustrating. The past two nights we have had to put her to sleep in her bouncey chair to keep her upright. I have the same cold she does so I know lying down flat makes me feel all choked-up and hard to breathe. But the sleep regression started before that.

 

[dairymomma]

Starry-sorry your daughter is being such a fussbudget about bedtime. We're trying to wean LO off of a bottle at sleep times as she's refused to take a nap or go to sleep without one and we're having moderate success. I'm finding if I top her up with a high fat food (avocado seems to be a fave at the moment) and let her play for about a half hour after, she'll go down for a nap or bedtime about half the time thus far. She won't do it without the pasifier though but at this point, I'm not about to argue.

AFM-Ultrasound today showed a baby with a heartbeat. I was simply stunned because I honestly thought this was over. However, as exciting as it was to see bubs, I did find out there's a fluid filled sac next to the baby and they aren't sure what it is. It's about half the size of the baby's sac and the dr said it's most likely one of two things-a hematoma or a twin. If it's a twin, it's nonviable and my body is trying to miscarry it which is why I've had the bleeds I've had lately. If it's a hematoma, that would also explain the bleeds. I see him again in 3 weeks with another scan to see what's happened with this sac (though the radiologist will diagnose it 'officially') and we'll go from there. But whew to say the least.

 

[vietmamsie]

Dairy - What good news! As for the sac - I don't really talk about it, but Lucy actually had a 'twin' as well. There were two sacs at the first scan (4.5 weeks) they were both so small, no heartbeats yet. The doc actually told me that they couldn't tell what they were - pregnancies or cysts. my next scan was at 6 weeks, there was only one sac, heartbeat and everything (That was Lucy!) I did some research and there is something called 'vanishing twins'. I guess twins are SUPER common, but more often than not, one of the twins never develops. There is a really high frequency of twins at early scans (4-6 weeks - way before most people get scans) but by a few weeks in the 'twin' is absorbed by the healthy twin. I can't remember the stats, but vanishing twins are really common, but most people never know that there ever were two (or three!) because they don't get scans that early.

 

[wookie130]

Starry, I never did comment on your son's diagnosis. Now, you at least KNOW what you're dealing with, I suppose. People on the spectrum can lead very fulfilling lives, but they may take very different routes than "neurotypicals" to get there. Good luck, as there will be lot of challenges and obstacles you'll have to face while attempting to ensure he gets the right help and treatments...there are a lot of kinks in the system, and it can be frustrating for parents to cope with, understandably. In any case, I'm sure he's a delightful kid with a ton to offer this world, with or without the label.