My babies gone, I cant get my head around it!

[Baby2ontheway]

so sorry

 

[QTPie]

Oh honey, I am so sorry.

Miscarriages are VERY common (1 in 5 to 1 in 4 is correct), just people rarely talk about them. When you are on the 1st Tri forum, you will see this in practice very sadly . Virtually all (at least about 95% or higher of MCs) happen in the first trimester and virtually all of those are just because "the fetus was not meant to be". Although it doesn't seem that way, an MC is Nature's kindest way to let the baby go. The MC isn't anyone's fault at all (although we instinctively look at ourselves to blame...). The reason that they tell women not to try for another baby shortly after the first is the toll on her body (your resources will have been severely depleted by having the first baby - you need time to recover properly): trying for a second baby so soon would not have affected the baby, so do not blame yourself

Missed MCs (what you had) are really pretty rare: most people's body's realise that the baby is nolonger alive and the MC happens naturally within a few days/week.

If you did want to try again for a baby, then you could try pretty soon. I had an early MC (only 5.5 weeks) in March. I took the recommended "1 cycle off" (to allow me to recover physically and husband and I to recover emotionally) and went back to it straight after that cycle off. I had a period on 20th April and BFP'd that month. Actually having a cycle off, and a period, gave us closure and some sureness in our dates: I can highly recommend it.

Unlike me, you have an advantage: this is my first baby and we had less confidence in our ability to conceive (the first pregnancy was after 11 months of trying). You KNOW that you can have healthy babies and you KNOW that you can conceive quickly

One thing that we found very reassuring during the second pregnancy (the first being the MC), was paying for an early pregnancy scan. We had one at 7.5 weeks and it showed the fetus on track and heart beating. Then our second scan was about 11.5/12 weeks (we had the combined Nuchal/blood test). This gave us smaller milestones to focus on and less time in between scans (to worry etc). Really helped and worth the extra money.

One thing that I found really helpful during the early days of MC was the MC forum on B&B: great people with a lot of experience and helpful advice. Really helped me for that first week.

Take care

QT

 

[MummytoShan]

I am so sorry o hear your bad news. This happened to me over 2 years ago so if you need someone to talk to please feel free to contact me as I know how you are feeling, Sending you all my love and hugs and pray that you will be back on here chating to us all soon. x x x x

 

[Sparklebaby]

so sorry to hear of your loss darling xxxx

 

[sparkle_bump]

I know that you've already read pages and pages of condolences but I wanted to say how sorry I am as well. I know it doesn't change what's happened but hopefully you can take some comfort in how much people care about you and are hoping that all can be right again for you.

 

[BABYCAREY]

Oh honey, I am so sorry.

Miscarriages are VERY common (1 in 5 to 1 in 4 is correct), just people rarely talk about them. When you are on the 1st Tri forum, you will see this in practice very sadly . Virtually all (at least about 95% or higher of MCs) happen in the first trimester and virtually all of those are just because "the fetus was not meant to be". Although it doesn't seem that way, an MC is Nature's kindest way to let the baby go. The MC isn't anyone's fault at all (although we instinctively look at ourselves to blame...). The reason that they tell women not to try for another baby shortly after the first is the toll on her body (your resources will have been severely depleted by having the first baby - you need time to recover properly): trying for a second baby so soon would not have affected the baby, so do not blame yourself

Missed MCs (what you had) are really pretty rare: most people's body's realise that the baby is nolonger alive and the MC happens naturally within a few days/week.

If you did want to try again for a baby, then you could try pretty soon. I had an early MC (only 5.5 weeks) in March. I took the recommended "1 cycle off" (to allow me to recover physically and husband and I to recover emotionally) and went back to it straight after that cycle off. I had a period on 20th April and BFP'd that month. Actually having a cycle off, and a period, gave us closure and some sureness in our dates: I can highly recommend it.

Unlike me, you have an advantage: this is my first baby and we had less confidence in our ability to conceive (the first pregnancy was after 11 months of trying). You KNOW that you can have healthy babies and you KNOW that you can conceive quickly

One thing that we found very reassuring during the second pregnancy (the first being the MC), was paying for an early pregnancy scan. We had one at 7.5 weeks and it showed the fetus on track and heart beating. Then our second scan was about 11.5/12 weeks (we had the combined Nuchal/blood test). This gave us smaller milestones to focus on and less time in between scans (to worry etc). Really helped and worth the extra money.

One thing that I found really helpful during the early days of MC was the MC forum on B&B: great people with a lot of experience and helpful advice. Really helped me for that first week.

Take care

QT

Thank you for your message,after all the messages and support i have got your message has gave me some hope. I want to thank everyone who has sent their best wishes,im still coming to terms with it,going to doc fri to find out if it was a molar pregnancy(which is scary)!! Thank you all again xx Baby C

 

[QTPie]

Thank you for your message,after all the messages and support i have got your message has gave me some hope. I want to thank everyone who has sent their best wishes,im still coming to terms with it,going to doc fri to find out if it was a molar pregnancy(which is scary)!! Thank you all again xx Baby C

There is so much hope, I promise. I know that it really doesn't feel like it when you MC ("Why us?", "What could I have done that caused this?"....).

So many women have MCs - it is VERY VERY common and most of us suffer the same guilt and self-doubt afterwards, but you are very far from alone

The important thing to remember is that most women who MC, go on to have a perfectly healthy pregnancy next time around (and I am still here, 18 weeks into my next pregnancy - everything crossed that it is a healthy pregnancy). AND you have proved that you are 100% capable of having a lovely, healthy, happy baby already

Very good luck with the molar tests.

Take your time and allow yourself to grieve properly: time is a good healer and you will pull through it. Physically (and I didn't even have a D&C) I was wiped out (and very achey) for a week afterwards. Don't leave your OH out too: found talking to my OH about my feelings - and him sharing all of his feelings, doubts and questions back - very theraputic for both of us.

Many of us find trying for a baby again the best way to move on, but listen to your doctor (especially since you had a D&C - which can be trauma to your uterus) and give yourself a cycle or two to recover before trying again. Don't put pressure on yourself or your OH. You want to face your next pregnancy with lots of physical and mental strength.

Wishing you peace and healing

QT

 

[MummytoShan]

QTPie has said it all and I 2nd that. Good luck my lovely x x x

x x x x

 

[2012bebe]

poor you, i'm so sorry for this loss

 

[Terri1985]

im so sorry hun, I know exactly how you feel. I had a missed miscarriage at 5weeks 6 days but didnt find out until a scan at 14weeks when i was told what had happened. I was advised to miscarry naturally and not have a D&C. I know its not easy and all you can think of is the loss but please ask for a scan to make sure it has all come out in a couple of weeks as I ended up in hospital 3months after with an infection due to it not all coming out and was unable to re-try for another 4months after that due to antibiotics and waiting to recover. My thoughts are with you

 

[BABYCAREY]

im so sorry hun, I know exactly how you feel. I had a missed miscarriage at 5weeks 6 days but didnt find out until a scan at 14weeks when i was told what had happened. I was advised to miscarry naturally and not have a D&C. I know its not easy and all you can think of is the loss but please ask for a scan to make sure it has all come out in a couple of weeks as I ended up in hospital 3months after with an infection due to it not all coming out and was unable to re-try for another 4months after that due to antibiotics and waiting to recover. My thoughts are with you

THANK YOU FOR THE MESSAGE TERRI,MY FRIEND SAID SOMETHING SIMILIAR TODAY,I HAVE TO GO SEE DOC ON FRI,WILL MENTION THEN,JUST IN A STATE OF SHOCK STILL,IVE BEEN TOLD IT WILL GET BETTER,BUT HONESTLY DONT THINK IT WILL!! HAVE YOU HAD ANY BABIES AFTER?

 

[AimeeM]

I am so sorry to hear this chick I also had a missed miscarriage and i promise the pain gets easier, just look after yourself xxxx

 

[kellyo]

So sorry for your loss xx

 

[Terri1985]

im so sorry hun, I know exactly how you feel. I had a missed miscarriage at 5weeks 6 days but didnt find out until a scan at 14weeks when i was told what had happened. I was advised to miscarry naturally and not have a D&C. I know its not easy and all you can think of is the loss but please ask for a scan to make sure it has all come out in a couple of weeks as I ended up in hospital 3months after with an infection due to it not all coming out and was unable to re-try for another 4months after that due to antibiotics and waiting to recover. My thoughts are with you

THANK YOU FOR THE MESSAGE TERRI,MY FRIEND SAID SOMETHING SIMILIAR TODAY,I HAVE TO GO SEE DOC ON FRI,WILL MENTION THEN,JUST IN A STATE OF SHOCK STILL,IVE BEEN TOLD IT WILL GET BETTER,BUT HONESTLY DONT THINK IT WILL!! HAVE YOU HAD ANY BABIES AFTER?

Yes I have had a daughter and am pregnant again. It does get better but you never forget it. People told me well the baby was less than 6weeks so it cant have meant that much, but as far as I was concerned I was 14weeks pregnant and just going in for a routine 12week scan when I found out, and for 12weeks i thought about having that baby, if people havent gone through it sometimes they cant understand it.
But honestly it does get easier and when you are ready to try again im sure you will have the baby you want so much, and ask your dr for an early scan next time to put ur mind at rest

 

[blackthickpea]

sorry for yr loss i too lost a baby at around 7 weeks but didnot find out till about 14 weeks i am now 25 weeks and still scared may God bless you

 

[Jemz3741]

My thoughts are with you, sorry to read such a sad post.x

 

[Eve]

I am so sorry for your loss... thoughts and prayers are with you xoxoxo

 

[BABYCAREY]

I WANT TO THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR LOVELY MESSAGES
I GET SOME COMFORT IN COMING ON HERE,ITS STILL EARLY DAYS FOR ME,IM GOING TO SEE MY DOC LATER.
HOPEFULLY I WILL BE BACK ON THE 1ST TRI FORUM IN THE NOT SO DISTANT FUTURE!!(FINGERS CROSSED)
THANKS ONCE AGAIN FOR YOUR SUPPORTLETTING IT OUT REALLY HELPS