My boyfriend has driven me to the edge and I think I've lost my mind.

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by MyFavSurprise, Jan 31, 2011.

  1. MyFavSurprise

    MyFavSurprise Well-Known Member

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    My boyfriend and I were having issues because I found out he was talking to another girl. I had my first birthing class and he forgot about it and had made plans. I tried to be understanding and told him it was okay and maybe he'd make it next Sunday.

    He never came home last night and wouldn't answer my calls. I packed his stuff and put it out in the rain.

    I'd finally had it because he'd so recently broken my trust, and I went and snooped in his emails and facebook and myspace and found out he's been telling everyone he's single. I'm non existent in his life, no trace anywhere. He left it open for all the girls to contact him and talk to them how they want to and he even gives out his cell phone number that I pay for.

    So all of a sudden his stuff in the rain wasn't enough for me. I took an almost empty beer jug and filled it with water and poured it in his stuff and went back inside.

    He still wouldn't answer my calls and I stayed up all night.. I haven't been able to eat or sleep..

    And then the beer water wasn't enough for me... I took a bottle of lube and poured it in his stuff and rubbed it in his toothbrush and hairbrush....

    And I fell asleep for an hour..

    When I woke up he still wasn't answering, in fact, he turned his phone off.... I took an old cup of coffee and poured it in there too...

    I couldn't distract myself so I got on his myspace and read more messages... It was horrible, my heart hurts, my head hurts, and I want to throw up. I couldn't stop reading...There was a message to a girl talking about he wanted her to be his future wifey and he just had to have her..he called me his roomate..he said "wait up, I have lady friends but nothing serious".

    He finally contacted me and said he didn't know what i was talking about and he got super drunk and woke up on his friends couch and is getting ready for work. I tried to ask him who I am to him and why I don't exist. He thought I was ridiculous for asking and it hurt so much. He said he had to get ready and he hung up on me and turned his phone off.

    I started printing out his messages so he could SEE what he's been doing. I wish he knew how much it hurt. The more I read the more I hurt but I couldn't stop. He had made plans with this girl I knew he was attracted to and had begged him not to talk to to go drive and see her. She called him the same pet names as I do.... I feel like a crazy *****. I found myself pacing through the house.

    And all of a sudden the beer, the lube and the coffee were not enough for me... I got the bleach..I poured it on everything, every part, the whole bottle. What is wrong with me, why have I let him make me this crazy. I put his bags on the sidewalk with bleach dripping out.

    Am I horrible? Or crazy? I wish he'd never come back into my life.. We had split and this baby is not his and I even trusted him to be the father of my child.. I took care of his kids for years and treated them like my own and the whole time he was doing this.. I'm so incredibly hurt that he would come back into my life and continue to do this.. Maybe what I did was wrong but I don't know what else to do I've lost my mind... Please tell me I'm not crazy..
     
  2. abc123x

    abc123x Well-Known Member

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    Oh dear. You're not crazy, you're hormonal. And he is a d-bag. So sorry dear.

    You can do this, don't worry. Stay strong.
     
  3. stucknthecity

    stucknthecity Pregnant with # 1 !

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    Your not crazy sweetie! I would have done the same thing and probably went as far as driving around to find the sorry SOB! Just reading your story I can feel every emotion your going through as I have gone through it as well. Sounds like he doesn't deserve you or your baby anyways! He would probably make up some sad sap story to try and weasel his way back into your good graces only to turn around and do it all over again. As much as it hurts right now think about your health and the state he has gotten you in mentally. Not healthy for baby. Purge him from your life once and for all and just try to enjoy the little things until your own bundle of joy arrives in a few short months! Things will look up for you and you will find a man who treats you and little one like you both deserve! No one deserves to be treated like he is treating you no matter how strong your feeling are or were for him as he obviously is not returning them. My heart goes out to you and I pray for you to find the strength to move on and get the support you need to remain healthy and sane for the duration of this pregnancy. Once your little man gets here in May nothing else in the world will matter to you!
     
  4. My4thmiracle

    My4thmiracle Mummy to baby Nico + 3

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    I would have done exactly the same, intact about 10 years ago I burnt everything that belong to my bf at the time as I found out he sent a girl a rose for valentines day. I went potty like some crazed animal. You have acted normal in the circumstance that he put you in.

    When will he call for his stuff, please becareful he doesn't get violent towards you is my only advice.

    Big hugs xxx
     
  5. MyFavSurprise

    MyFavSurprise Well-Known Member

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    Part of our split up was because he used to beat the crap out of me.. He took anger management to fix himself and hasn't come close to it since... I'm sure this could change that...I have locked the screen door and the door.. I hope he doesn't try to do anything, I'll tell him I'm calling the police..he's on probation..

    damn the more I say about him the worse he sounds..but the messed up thing is that is not even him... He is such a lost person..I know him for who he really is and that is why I love him and took the black eyes.. and why I took him talking to other females...because that is not him.. I'm sure he hasn't even acted on these women physically, but this is enough... I hope for his sake he finds himself one day because he's truly a good man.. underneath these flaws..he really treats me so good, like a princess...but he's wrong for the other things..

    My ticker says the baby knows my voice but right now all he hears is crying and this pain I'm going through.. I hate this man because he's not only hurting me, he's hurting my baby...
     
  6. Lawhra

    Lawhra NowProudMumOfTwo!!

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    I really hope you stay strong and stick with your decision to leave him because, I'm sorry to say, noone who behaves so badly is a decent person underneath. There is no excuse for his selfish and bad behaviour. And you are not crazy, you are hurting. Please stay safe when he comes.
    My heart goes out to you, but take it from someone who was a single mum at the age of 19, you will be fine without him :flower:
     
  7. MyFavSurprise

    MyFavSurprise Well-Known Member

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    I am kind of scared he'll get crazy.. I hope he doesn't.. I'm just thinking of all the ways he could get in.. I can always hide in the bathroom.. He doesn't drive so someone will be here to get his bags with him.. I hope they don't have a dark interior in their car because there is a whole lot of bleach in there.

    Thank you.. I'm sure it will be worth giving him up because of this crap... I really don't feel like I will be okay though :( I'm already so lonely.. He's the only person I've known that could me smile and laugh all day long..
     
  8. Lawhra

    Lawhra NowProudMumOfTwo!!

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    Can someone be there with you when he comes? I feel worried for you!
     
  9. Chands

    Chands Well-Known Member

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    First of all you deserve sooo much better than this man. No man should put u through this and feel like this especially when u are pregnant! You need to stop thinking bout him (and i know its easier said than done!) and think of yourself and ur little one... put your baby and yourself first. My ex used to hit me about and i kept taking him back and was doing exactly what u are now defending him at the same time as slating him... trying to cover up and make urself think he isnt as bad as he really is... but truth is he is a k**b!

    Im sorry to be blunt but having been through it myself I know how bad u must be feeling but it must be twice as bad as ur hormones are everywhere being pregnant too!

    Really you dont deserve to be put through this worry and stress -u said it urself all ur baby hears is ur tears - surely u dont want this... u need to think ahead and look forward to the future with your beautiful baby. No man is worth your tears babes!

    Head up and and be strong - u can do it xx:hugs:
     
  10. MyFavSurprise

    MyFavSurprise Well-Known Member

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    We were living with my mother, but I think she's at work all day. I think it we'll be okay, he does not have the nerve to mess with anything in my mother's house, he actually does respect her. I think it will be okay, I'm probably just nervous simply because of our past. He wouldn't do anything to me beyond a black eye or choking me and it sounds bad but it's not so bad, I don't think he'd have the nerve to do even that while he's on probation and I'm pregnant. He's not even supposed to have contact with me, so one call saying he's here will send him to prison for 4 years. He really doesn't want to go there.
     
  11. LittlePeople

    LittlePeople Pregnant :)

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    Your not crazy...I would have gone the whole way and cut everything up too! Try not to let it play on your mind! He definitely doesn't sound like he's worth being in your's or your babies life! :hugs: :flower:
     
  12. caydensmom

    caydensmom Well-Known Member

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    Ok don't swear for anyone, you don't know what a human being is capable of doing. However, you don't want to put you or your child's life in danger. I think it would be better if you were at or with someone when he comes around for your stuff. Just to be safe. Prevention is better than cure. I also think that you should probably seek out the company and advice of a trusted friend or family member, because lonliness will make anyone want to go back to having company...no matter how the company treated or beat on you in the past. I know you wouldn't want him to think that he could treat or do anything to you and you take him back. He won't be likely to respect you if you don't make a stand and say enough is enough. There is only so much a human can take. Even though women are some of the strongest creatures on earth....we have our limits too!!! I am so sorry this is happening to you at one of the most beautiful of times in your life (being pregnant) but things happen and they happen for a reason...so be strong sweetie for you and your little one. Use this as a lesson to raise your son not to be a woman-abuser or a user and to respect women! I have a son and I am going to raise him to be a gentlemen because I have seen the trend of men these days and I DO NOT like it.
     
  13. laila 44

    laila 44 Well-Known Member

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    Every time I read one of these posts, my heart breaks...I really feel bad for women who have to go through this especially pregnant, some men have no shame...
     
  14. qpaulina42

    qpaulina42 Well-Known Member

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    Something similar happened to me once and I remember the sheer amount of anger I felt that first night. I did not sleep a wink, I was so mad I think if he had been there I would have gotten physically violent towards him. I did get a chance to slap him later. Now it doesn't seem like all that bad but at the time I swear it was the most anger I've ever felt about anything or anyone in my life. I didn't think to destroy his stuff, I think it's possible I'm a little to pacifist for that, but I totally understand what you did and why. It sounds like you are better off without him in your life.
     
  15. MyFavSurprise

    MyFavSurprise Well-Known Member

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    I talked to my mother about it now.. She says he has an addiction and she is really sorry for what I am going through. She says she feels used too because she let him stay in her home rent free and gives him rides anywhere and helps with money. She was even going to pay for his DUI classes! Selfish asshole... She says he has disappointed her for the last time.

    Everyone else knows he is no good for me, why can't I figure that out too?

    I'm thinking of leaving and going to the gym around when he gets off work so that I'm not here.. I'm just afraid if he does something that I can't stop because I'm gone.
     
  16. Ember

    Ember Pregnant - 3rd Trimester

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    Babe, you have no idea how strong you are for finally putting your foot down and kicking his ass out! I agree that it would probably be better for you to either go to someone else's house when he comes to get his stuff or at least tell him you're going to and hide so he doesn't know you're home. You might not think he's stupid enough to do anything while he's on probation, but then again you also thought he was a good man deep inside.

    And he is NOT a good man down underneath all of this. This is who he really is. He is a player, a womanizer, an abuser, a cheater, an asshole! I hope he slips on the ice and falls on something and breaks his dick! I know modern medicine can fix most anything, but one can dream, right? When my ex cheated on me, I punched him square on the jaw right in his own mother's kitchen and walked out. Wish I had punched him in the balls instead. Men that treat women that way don't deserve anything good in their lives. They deserve to be miserable, even more miserable than they make us. Don't make excuses for him, and realize that the whole time he was treating you like a princess, in his mind he was probably treating you like the punching bag he used to. He cheated on the mother of his children with you for YEARS without you even knowing it! No man that can do that has any hope of redemption. I don't even believe in Hell but I'm pretty sure he's going there!

    And don't you ever, ever, EVER say that a black eye or being choked are okay! They are NOT! For him to lay a hand on you at all is absolutely not okay! I am afraid that, with the excuses you are making for him, you are going to fall into the trap of allowing another man to treat you this way again. A lot of battered women do. Some never escape it because they just keep making excuses, and a lot of them end up dead.

    And if you ever find yourself making excuses and thinking you can put up with the abuse in exchange for the good times with a man, remember that if he can treat you that way, statistically, he will most likely end up hurting or even killing your child. I really hope that this baby helps you to heal and learn how to stand up for yourself once and for all and never let yourself be treated this way again. Men can be powerful manipulators sometimes and make us think they are such good guys, and really blind us. It takes a lot to learn how to see through that. But you can do it, I know you can. You are so strong!

    I really hope that you stay safe from him and never allow him to contact you again. And don't forget to post something all over his myspace and facebook profiles and send it to all his little chick friends about what kind of a man he really is. They deserve to know what he has done too, so that they don't let him do it to them, too. I can't help but wonder how many other women he has told the same things to that you don't even know about. The mother of his children I'm sure thought he would marry her someday, he told you he wanted to marry you someday, and now he's telling this other chick he wants to marry her. It should be illegal for men to even mention marriage unless they've passed a rigorous test approving them for monogamy! What a world would that be?! Imagine every man having to have a license to enter a monogamous relationship, which can be revoked at any time. Then if you like a guy, you ask for his license and if he doesn't have one, you kick him to the curb!

    Hang in there honey, you can get through this, and you will feel SOOOOO empowered! When I broke up with my cheating ex, I felt like wonder woman! It really does feel amazing to stand up for yourself and put a man in his place!
     
  17. jessshakespea

    jessshakespea Well-Known Member

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    Don't take him back. The person he is is too weak to change. However you see him and feel for him he will never do the same for you. He isnt capable of putting someone else before himself. You and your baby deserve and will find so much better. Trust me. I learnt the hard way too. Dump him. That is all. You will look back and be proud and glad for you and for the example you set your son. X
     
  18. Ember

    Ember Pregnant - 3rd Trimester

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    If you're really afraid he would do something to your house if you weren't there, you could always call the police and ask if they could send someone out to be there when he comes to get his stuff because you are afraid he is going to hurt you.
     
  19. MyFavSurprise

    MyFavSurprise Well-Known Member

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    This is all so familiar. I've done this before, I've split up with him before and he laid on the sidewalk and cried. It was pathetic. I looked at him and felt dead. I don't know why I'm here again, but I hope he cries.

    My son is all I need now. I'm not going to try with another man, they disgust me. Can you believe I was a lesbian when I met him? No boyfriend ever. Why did I have to find the worst kind.

    When I left him the last time I had planned to take domestic violence survivor classes. And then I did the rebound thing and my little boy came into existence and that went on pause..

    I'm already feeling stronger knowing that he is going away soon.. My heart just hurts. He doesn't care. It's hopeless. He's off work in an hour and 10 minutes...
     
  20. Ember

    Ember Pregnant - 3rd Trimester

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    Have you decided what you will do about being there when he comes to get his stuff? The time is fast approaching and I am worried for you. If you decide to stay at home and don't call the police to come be there with you, please, please, PLEASE, no matter what, do NOT open the door. Do not even go to the door.If it's a two-story house, stay upstairs, barricade the door even to make it harder for you to get to the front door in case you have a moment of weakness. Whatever you do, don't give him the opportunity to hurt you or your baby! Remember, he will never change! He did the same thing to the first (I'm assuming she was the first but there could've been others) woman as he is now doing to you, and he will do the same to the one after you, and might have been doing it to others this whole time too! Don't even consider giving him any more chances, no matter how much it hurts. Trust me, you will be glad you didn't give in when all is said and done.
     

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