My boyfriend and I were having issues because I found out he was talking to another girl. I had my first birthing class and he forgot about it and had made plans. I tried to be understanding and told him it was okay and maybe he'd make it next Sunday. He never came home last night and wouldn't answer my calls. I packed his stuff and put it out in the rain. I'd finally had it because he'd so recently broken my trust, and I went and snooped in his emails and facebook and myspace and found out he's been telling everyone he's single. I'm non existent in his life, no trace anywhere. He left it open for all the girls to contact him and talk to them how they want to and he even gives out his cell phone number that I pay for. So all of a sudden his stuff in the rain wasn't enough for me. I took an almost empty beer jug and filled it with water and poured it in his stuff and went back inside. He still wouldn't answer my calls and I stayed up all night.. I haven't been able to eat or sleep.. And then the beer water wasn't enough for me... I took a bottle of lube and poured it in his stuff and rubbed it in his toothbrush and hairbrush.... And I fell asleep for an hour.. When I woke up he still wasn't answering, in fact, he turned his phone off.... I took an old cup of coffee and poured it in there too... I couldn't distract myself so I got on his myspace and read more messages... It was horrible, my heart hurts, my head hurts, and I want to throw up. I couldn't stop reading...There was a message to a girl talking about he wanted her to be his future wifey and he just had to have her..he called me his roomate..he said "wait up, I have lady friends but nothing serious". He finally contacted me and said he didn't know what i was talking about and he got super drunk and woke up on his friends couch and is getting ready for work. I tried to ask him who I am to him and why I don't exist. He thought I was ridiculous for asking and it hurt so much. He said he had to get ready and he hung up on me and turned his phone off. I started printing out his messages so he could SEE what he's been doing. I wish he knew how much it hurt. The more I read the more I hurt but I couldn't stop. He had made plans with this girl I knew he was attracted to and had begged him not to talk to to go drive and see her. She called him the same pet names as I do.... I feel like a crazy *****. I found myself pacing through the house. And all of a sudden the beer, the lube and the coffee were not enough for me... I got the bleach..I poured it on everything, every part, the whole bottle. What is wrong with me, why have I let him make me this crazy. I put his bags on the sidewalk with bleach dripping out. Am I horrible? Or crazy? I wish he'd never come back into my life.. We had split and this baby is not his and I even trusted him to be the father of my child.. I took care of his kids for years and treated them like my own and the whole time he was doing this.. I'm so incredibly hurt that he would come back into my life and continue to do this.. Maybe what I did was wrong but I don't know what else to do I've lost my mind... Please tell me I'm not crazy..