My friend lost her baby at 34 weeks(need advice)

[babybirdangel]

I am hoping I can get some advice from you lovely ladies. I am very sorry for everyones losses and my heartfelt condolences. I have a close friend who I keep in contact only over text message. Our whole friendship has always been like that since we live in different cities. Today she informed me that she had lost her baby at 34 weeks. We were texting all day so I knew that she was having contractions, but she didn't know anything until she got to the hospital. I text her to check on her and she text me, "I lost the baby. Inducing labor to deliver." I did text her back to tell her how sorry I am and that I loved her. I am currently 39 weeks pregnant and I want to know how to go about texting her and how much space should I give her. I told her already that I was there for her and that when she was ready for her to text me. I just feel so bad and I want to be there for her, but don't want to say the wrong thing especially, because I am so close to having my baby.
Thank you ladies very much

 

[amotherslove]

i think the best thing you can do is ask her what she needs.. she might not know.. but it's nice to be asked. if she wants to be left alone, you can.. but dont leave it all up to her to msg,. i had alot of "msg when you're ready" and i didnt know what to do.. because .. i wasnt "ready".. it felt like i had to be over it to message them.. and even if that wasnt the case.. she probably doesnt know what to say either.. you just want to talk about your baby but you dont want to scare someone else who is pregnant.. and often it very hard to not be angry and resentful about other peoples babies.. there is no right answer here.. just do you best, remember she will never get over it, and her loss is earth shatteringly terrible.. and will be for a very very very long time.. she may say tings that hurt you.. please try to take it with a grain of salt.. she doesnt mean it.. they are the words of a bleeding empty broken heart

 

[babybirdangel]

Thank you so much for your reply. It has helped me tremendously. I just want to be there for her.

 

[Andypanda6570]

You are a wonderful friend and like others said just be there for her. Nobody understands what she is about to face unless they have lost a baby. I will tell you this she doesn't want to hear about your pregnancy, I know right now maybe you can understand this a little and it may become harder for you, but she will be in so much pain that even seeing someone pregnant will break her. I lost my Ava 1 year and 9 months ago and it took me a year and a half just to be able to be around pregnant women and they were people I randomly saw. So please please don't get offended or move away from her because of this, she needs all the friends she can get at this time. If she asks about your baby then fine, but try your best not to mention it to her . My cousin hid her pregnancy from me for 6 months , I found out on my own and when I asked her why she hid it from me she just said she felt bad, but I knew she had a loss, cause she would have never known to do that unless she knew the pain of my loss. Turns out she did have a loss at 12 weeks, so she knew my pain , cause she remembered how hard it was for her, she has since went on to have her rainbow and that is what has really healed her a bit, I have not had my rainbow and probably wont, I am 42 and it is hard at this stage. So for me I am still in the healing process and I have come so far, but I still cry a lot, but seeing pregnant women and newborns is now easier, it just takes time and we all reach that point at different stages, we get there somehow. I know how hard it is for people to understand this pain, I never ever did until it happened to me, I mean I felt bad for women who had a loss, but never ever in a million years could I have imagined this immense pain and sorrow. I love that you have come here to ask us for advice, it shows how much you care and what a great friend you will be to her, please please just have patience with her, I know it will be hard but I promise you this if you go through this journey with her and have the patience with her she will never forget it , she will love you for it , forever. People even family want to move away from us , because they don't understand how to help us and really they can't, nobody can heal your heart, but if they stay on the journey with us , it is something we never forget . So sorry this has happened , you both are in my prayers. If ever ever have more questions , just come in here and ask us.. ALl My Love XOOX Andrea