My girlfriend is pregnant & I need advice!!

Discussion in 'Teen Pregnancy' started by billybilo, Jun 1, 2007.

  1. billybilo

    billybilo New Member

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    Hi,
    I have been going out with my girlfriend, who is 18 years old for about 2 months and she has just told me she is 6 months pregnant with someone else's child. I was absoloutley gobsmacked by this as she is so damn thin. She is a recreational drug user and I have known this since I met her. She takes mostly cocaine but also ecstacy, speed and marijuana. I have never really been okay with her taking these drugs but she's very stubborn and brushes it aside, plus she's an addict who doesn't want to stop.
    She told me about the pregnancy when we were first starting getting intimate(she just stopped and went all coy) so I asked her what was up. She told me about it, and I was, well just stunned. Her stomach is completely flat(I look more pregnant than her and I'm not fat either). She told me she has known about the pregnancy since January and with it being June she says she's 6 months gone. Since I met her I've always felt there was something she was hiding but this was the last thing on my mind. She said that she wants to get an abortion but just 'blocks' the pregnancy from her mind and gets on with her life. She also told me that she takes speed and doesn't eat for 3 days so that she doesn't get fat. I presume that the baby is dead and is still inside her. Her parents don't know and they are friends of my parents, so I can't discuss it with my parents as she doesn't want her parents to EVER know.
    I, myself am only 19 and I'm completely baffled by all of this and feel out of depth. I don't know what to say to her and I don't want to offend her because she is clearly lost and confused. In truth I am disgusted with her actions as the foetus is a living thing and even though I may not agree with abortion, I feel it is a better way of killing the foetus than taking multiple drugs and not eating. With her being 6 months gone I find it hard to believe she can legally have an abortion but she reckons that she can go to a clinic for 3 days in a nearby city and have it done.
    Can you please help me out as I really like her and want her to get through this bad patch in the best possible way. She is someone who is very insecure, needing constant reassurance and finds it difficult to trust people & open up to them. This is why I'm finding it so difficult to advise her as I'm unsure of what approach to take.
    Any advice would be fantastic as I really want to point her in the right direction.
    Thanks for your time.
     
  2. bexxie

    bexxie Well-Known Member

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    She cannot have an abortion it is too late for that and surely at this stage woudl be way too traumatic.

    I think you need to sit down ad weigh things up.

    Do you want her and the child? Does she want the baby? Has she looked into adoption? Does she want you so much she has held out from telling you as she thought she woudl lose you?

    There is a lot herto discuss and as much as I hate it the drugs may have been her way of blocking it out and it not being "Real" well now it is real,and she needs a good kick up the arse. Sorry to sound harsh but its a babies life at stake here.

    I never understand when there are so many people so desperate for kids that this happens to those that dont want/plan but that is irony for you and this conversation is not to judge so i wont digress,sorry.

    You need to talk to her and see whats what and get some honest answers and questions until you do this nothing will work out.

    I cant offer too much advice I have just had a baby and obviousley too close to me emotionally.
    Bex
     
  3. Yvonne

    Yvonne Well-Known Member

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    I can't offer much advice to be honest as i have never taken drugs at all, But i can safely say when this baby is born it is going to suffer sooo bad.
    Poor baby will have to go cold turkey as the mother has been plying it with drugs for 6 months.

    I would contact social services they may advise you on what to do.

    Can i ask what her plans are once the baby is born?
     
  4. Suz

    Suz ~ I are a Nerd ~

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    "She is a recreational drug user and I have known this since I met her. She takes mostly cocaine but also ecstacy, speed and marijuana."

    That doesnt sound recreational to me. That sounds more like she has a drug addition. Do you think she is really pregnant? Just a though. Maybe she just told you she was pregnant to get attention from you. Or maybe she is going through some mental problems due to here drug use. Just a though. Only because you say she is flat and not showing. Maybe she is trying to convence you she needs the Abortion and wants you to pay for it. Then she might take that money to buy drugs.

    Sorry if Im wrong. Just my thoughts.

    Suz
     
  5. 2nd.Time.Daddy

    2nd.Time.Daddy Well-Known Member

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    sorry to sound harsh here

    But instead of faffing about on a forum asking questions , grow a pair of balls and take charge of the situation. Like you said she "MIGHT" have a baby inside her and if she has then she needs some help fast. by the sounds of it she is probably just saying it to get attention but if not then whats more important , your relationship or a babies life?????? forget about what she wants coz in all honestly she doesnt deserve to choose at this point and she could end up killing herself and the baby , even though it sounds like shes trying her hardest to kill the baby anyway.

    Tell her parents!!!!!!!ring the doctors , just do something
     
  6. Wobbles

    Wobbles WoBbLeWoBbLe
    Administrator

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    I'm no expert but by 6 months she should be showing something? < Someone may put me right on that one??

    Far too late for abortion legally - I couldn't imagine anyone wanting one by some dodgy clinic after the legal fetus age. Gosh I hope nobody would ever do that.

    If she does not want the child there are other options.

    I really don't know what else to add ...
     
  7. Louise

    Louise Proud mum to baby Nick

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    I don't know what to advise you as I have never been in a situation like this myself, so its hard for someone to actually give out decent advice.

    I think personally, you need to take her to see a doctor- Anything could have happened to that baby and to prevent any infection and serious illness, you need to get your girl to a DR and now.
    At this stage, telling her parents probably wont do you or her any good, if she doesnt want them to know, she will just deny the fact that there ever was a baby (thats if she really isnt showing at all) and she will continue to leane more towards drugs than she is doing already.

    There's absolutely no way that abortion would be possible at this stage, but it does sound to me as though your OH doesn't particularly want a child at this early stage of her life and is not only trying to block out the fact that she is pregnant, but is also trying to make the baby 'go away' (if you understand my meaning)
    Being just 18, Im sure she is probably terrified of whats going on in her life right now, but at the end of the day (and I dont want to sound rude), she really shouldnt have opened her legs without using contraception because now the poor child is having to suffer.

    My mother was a drug user when she was pregnant with me and one of my brothers, this caused major problems for both myself and my brother when we were born. I was born weighing just 1lb with water on the brain, and my brother has MS. Even if your girlfriend feels that she doesnt want the child, i'm pretty sure that if this baby does survive all the drug abuse that she wouldn't want to see her baby born close to death, knowing that she had done that to her child. When women have children, though they may not have wanted to continue with the pregnancy at the beginning, the second they see their newborn baby, their feelings will certainly change.
    It sounds to me that at 18, yur missis needs some serious help. Any teenager taking that amount of drugs and starving herself for 3 days, needs serious medical attention.
    And if this baby hasnt survived in the womb, she could be causing herself some major issues.
     
  8. Imi

    Imi .

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    Im just over 6mths and normally a very petit girl ... and im the size of a sodding house!
    Your Girlfriend needs some serious help and now, sod going to a doctor drag her to the nearest hospital kicking and screaming if you have to, that is a baby for christsakes (if there is a baby) and it is living inside someone who is abusing it!
    That baby has no choice and it is depending on your mrs for EVERYTHING ... every sniff of coke, puff of grass and anything else she is shoing up her nose or down her neck is affecting that child and making it dependant on drugs, that child is going to be soooooo ill .... MAKE HER REALISE!
    Call social services, get her on some sort of program .. hell get her bloody sectioned if needs be!
    That child needs someone to help and care for it, the mother isn't doing the job that she is ment to and that child needs help .... let that person be you.
     
  9. Spunky Cupkake

    Spunky Cupkake Well-Known Member

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    well im not sure what to say ive never touched drugs or even a fag for that matter you said she might have a baby inside her but not showing like you said tere might be a possibility that the baby has died but i think something would happen as her body would start to lose it im not sure plus one girl who i knew she lost her baby last year she had 2 weeks left till her due date she was taking all kinds of drugs and thats how her baby died plus i think your a good person taking on another mans child as some men would have walked away but i think you seriously need to sit down with her and sort it out even go to her parents as this baby will suffer really badly when born god knows what these drugs have done to the child already good luck

    spunky xx
     
  10. Cheyanne

    Cheyanne Well-Known Member

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    Someone has to take control of this situation and she's proven she can't. Tell her parents now so that she can seek medical attention for her baby and herself. As for your relationship, I would run as fast and far as I could. You are very young and may not realize the implications. What will she be like in five or ten years? People can change their ways, but the truest aspect of one's character and personality are permanent.
     
  11. Mynxie

    Mynxie Well-Known Member

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    get her to the doctors...NOW!

    she can't legally have an abortion, if she's known she was pregnant since january,she's probably 7 months pregnant! For her not showing, I've known ladies who didn't show til the last month, - if the baby is lying towards the back, she mightn't show.

    IMO she's either making it up, or being a very stupid, selfish girl, either way she needs to grow up.

    If baby is there and dead, she's doing herself harm and lots of it
     
  12. weestar21

    weestar21 Well-Known Member

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    im gobsmacked to say the very least and i totally agree with imthedaddy you need to take controll now and get her help, otherwise you will have to live with this for the rest of your life knowing you could have helped but didnt!!

    i hope the next time you come on this forum you have some news to tell us that shes gotten the help she needs

    and its going to be a nightmare for that baby when and if its born!!

    i just pray that little baby is ok untill she gets help
     
  13. Vinny

    Vinny Member

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    you should stik by her side
     
  14. RadioDJ

    RadioDJ Well-Known Member

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    Have you tried talking to her parents, they would be a good place to start, and i'm sure her mum has already noticed she is preggers..

    And in regards to Wobbles... my oh didn't show till around 8 months... and she is still really small... and we have like 8 weeks left.. lol.

    RadioDJ x
     
  15. xBlackBeautyx

    xBlackBeautyx Well-Known Member

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    I thnk some people's forgetting this isn't his child. Its not his responsibility to 'grow balls' and wat not. The girl is clearly a selfish cow and has dragged him into her drama. Its not your problem to worry about her not wanting her parents to know so on and so forth. I would honestly tell her parents and social services and totally walk away from the whole situation. Let her parents deal with it. She has issues and at 19, you don't wanna get tied down with someone like that. It sounds harsh but if she doesn't want to help herself, why should you
     
  16. kit603

    kit603 Pregnant with #2

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    This is from the guy's profile:

    "Last Activity: Jun 1st, 2007 21:09 PM"

    He made his post 3 minutes before that. Its now been over 2 months, so I don't think he's all that interested in our replies ;)

    EDIT: It's actually been over 2 years since this thread was created and the guy never came back!
     
  17. Momof2kiddos

    Momof2kiddos Mom to 1 and expecting #2

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    its likely that this baby is not dead, you can not presume this. it is however to late and illegal to get an abortion at this point, i am willing to bet she is not pregnant and is just going to try to get money from you for drugs, but *if* she is you can not take the risk of keeping quiet about this. she clearly can not take control of this herself and since you are the only one who knows its up to you to tell someone, namely her parents, if she doesnt get help this baby (assuming she is pregnant) could be born no doubt addicted to drugs, mentally and/or physically handicapped, or dead. tell her parents.
     
  18. Momof2kiddos

    Momof2kiddos Mom to 1 and expecting #2

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    for the sake of the baby.
     
  19. MissRhead

    MissRhead Well-Known Member

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    I hope the girl got help, and i hope he ran in the other bloody direction, the girl sounds a loony! Sorry to sound harsh but i have no nice words to say to someone who would do that to a child.
     
  20. sarah0108

    sarah0108 Well-Known Member

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    in fact its been 2 years and 2 months lol :haha:
    x
     

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