My heart just sank...I dont think were even going to NTNP anymore..:(

[Goldensun]

My OH and I were talking earlier on the phone, and were talking about our kids and just normal things about them. Then I was telling him how I was feeling very sad today, and I'm not really sure why. My AF came I told him it killed me to get it. And he understands that women have (crazy) hormones running through them at that time..and he said understood. And then I told him that I don't understand why its affecting me so bad, b/c the past few months haven't bothered me so much. Maybe its b/c my due date is coming up for our twins. (7/6)

And then that is when he said just because we can have kids, doesn't mean we should. I guess I need to go back a little so y'all can understand that statement better.

When him and I got together we were both divorced and had our own kids. We are now a blended family )) We thought having kids was past us.

In July 2010, I told him I wanted another baby...he said no...(not in a mean way..just looking at as "your tubes are tied..it wont happen ever") Then I got pregnant in Oct. Shocked us b/c I wanted another baby..and he told me it wouldn't ever happen. lol ( I was right..it could still happen!) He said if we didn't already have our kids already, then he would be all for it...but we have our kids now and we really cant afford another one. Logically, I know this. But it still stung.

So..now..here I am 6 months from my BFP and knowing my tubes have grown back together I still want a baby more then anything. I wonder if its all b/c I got pregnant in Oct is why I'm having a hard time with it now...b/c I KNOW I can pregnant now..Also he said on the phone when I was talking to him, he said if I WERE to get pregnant now, he would be over the moon, but upset at the same time. But here is the thing...he knows I chart. He knows when I'm fertile..but yet, he never does anything to avoid.

I guess basically I'm just venting??? I don't know what to say..and I'm sure y'all don't what to say to that either...just kind of sad that he don't want another baby as bad as I do. Like he said, the youngest kids will be out of the house in 10 years..then him and I are free to roam where ever we want to. And our oldest kids could be having kids in 10 years..so saying that I could be a Grandma in 10 years!!

I guess I should just put out the fire of having kids...and start looking at my new chapter of my kids growing up and flying away from me....



Can I still live through y'all vicariously getting BFP tho?!? Nothing prettier then seeing a BFP!

Sorry for writing a novel..lol

 

[gardenofedens]

I'm so sorry GoldenSun. I don't know what to say - I'd be absolutely devastated to get that news from my OH. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling, especially with the loss of your LOs coming up and everything.

Lots and lots of to you!

 

[Lyra]

Ack, you poor thing - your head must be all over the place right now! I struggle enough with NTNP as I like to be totally one way or the other, but this is something else.

Have you said all this to your OH? I mean, how strongly you feel that you want to be a mom again? I really feel talking helps, not knowing how the other one feels can only lead to hurt feelings and misunderstandings down the line. Also if he is a firm 'no' on any more kids he should be honest with you so you can make the decision whether you want to live with that or not.

I really feel for you - I don't believe the longing to be a mother goes away even if you already have your own so you're perfectly entitled to feel the way you do! Good luck with everything hun.

 

[Goldensun]

Thanks ladies..Lyra, yes, he knows. We have talked about this for a while..I was just trying not to accept it.


I am hurt...but I know he really is making sense of it all. Maybe I'm still grieving for our angel babies. And he even said we have kids together. Their just in Heaven now, and one day you will get to see them.

 

[noshowjo]

just ending you a hug x

 

[noshowjo]

just ending you a hug x

sending

 

[porkypig]

sorry to hear about your losses xx i think id be the same as you and feel really upset ifi wanted kids and my dh said no. You said he knows that you chart and stuff and doesnt really avoid it, could this be a sliver of hope that if you were to get pregnant again he'd be ok with it? maybe you need to sit him down and have a serious chat with him, tell him that getting pg in oct has confirmed for yo uthat you really would like another lo before its too late and you'd really like one with him seeing as you havent got any together, good luck hun xx