My husband does 90% of the feeds is that okay?

[Arisa]

I guess part of me is still stuck in that way of thinking where
"Women feed babies" and due to my various health issues, the main one now being severe PND, my husband stays up at night for her feeds, she only has two 100ml feeds and one at 3am then my parents who we stay with feed her in the morning, i tend to only feed her once a day but I feel so guilty
I know she is gaining weight and doing well but I personally feel guilty like I "should" which is a bad word I know (my counselor says "should is SH*T) however its still a feeling I harbor of guilt but right now at 7.5wks post partum I just have no energy or mental stamina to feed her. I buy her bottles, prepare her feeds for everyone so noone else has to make them up, I check the temperatures and mix them, I sterilize and buy all the equipment for cleaning and feeding, I just don't feed her. I buy things for my girl, I just cannot be around her feeding her all the time, is this bad???

Will it fade?

 

[kat2504]

If you feel bad, why not change things a little bit. Someone else cleans and sterlises the bottles and makes up the feeds and buys the formula and other such chores. And then you just do the nice bit which is feeding the baby? There is nothing wrong with other people feeding her too but if you want to do more yourself then give it a go and get someone else to do the other jobs for you so you have a bit more mental energy. Do whatever works for you really.

 

[vintage67]

I'm sure this will pass in time.

I kind of felt bad about feeding my baby when I got released from the hospital after my staph infection. I had been in 11 days and came home with a drainage bag and still feeling terrible. My husband thought I would be really excited to feed him when I got home, but the whole thing was depressing at first as the hospital stay had destroyed our BF relationship with my high fevers, radioactive dye from tests and 4 IV antibiotics.

In fact, I have a picture of the first time I fed him when I came home. Look how thrilled I am. So sad that a second BF relationship had gone awry.

 

[dizz]

At the weekend it's probably about a 70/30 split in this house - with hubby doing the bulk of the feeding. I figure that's fair enough - since I'm with her full-time during the week when I do the night stuff (although the 3am feed went bye bye this week to be replaced with a 3am cuddle - she was waking but not interested in her feed so we've dropped it as an experiment - woo hoo!)

It's a better split than it was when I was pumping when I was pumping, sterilising, cleaning the pump and daddy was doing all the feeding.

I also had a period where he did more of the feeding as the constant holding her in that position had pulled the muscles out in my shoulder (I now have the sofa cushions positioned to support that arm)

 

[Indigo77]

Baby steps....

If u feed her 1x/day...next week, try 2x/day...?

 

[HellBunny]

Of course its ok, you are still just as much her mummy as if you were doing all the feeds! Remember some mums have to work all day so can't do many feeds, baby still loves you just as much, take small steps xxx

 

[Kage76]

Vintage- you know what i see in that photo? A bright inquisitive young man and a baby just so happy and content to be next to his mum- There is so much love in this picture- even when you are feeling so much pain.

And OP- its better that you enjoy the feeds you do than hating every second. It will get better-

 

[HellBunny]

Vintage, i agree with Kage76! xx

 

[Arisa]

thanks ladies
well since I can drive and hubby cant I tend to go out and buy the baby essentials but he can and has sterilized and prepared feeds in the past and does the night feeds as well as prepare them during the night although they getting less as baby eats more now. its a weird type of detachment depression mixed with acute anxiety, i want to do so much for my baby but find it so damn hard to be around her 24/7

 

[vintage67]

Yes, I'm sure it is a mix of anxiety and depression. Your mind is telling you to detach out of fear and anxiety, then that's causing you to be depressed. I think this is quite common, especially if you've had a traumatic birth, but it happens to people that have the ideal ones sometimes too. Hormones are over the place after birth.

This may sound odd, but have you considered keeping one of her blankets close to you that she has slept with? Trying to relax in a quiet place with her "smell" might take you to a "happy place" and help with the anxiety. I think scent can be a very strong trigger in both a positive and negative way.
When I was trying so desperately to pump breastmilk, I would put one of my babies blankets on my face so I could smell him to try and trigger more milk production. It didn't work on my milk, but it made me feel very close to him.